Guest Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Hi i'm in a fix Wife of 25 years tells me the other day that she had sex with CW. When I got my mind right, and asked all the questiones she drew a blank on how many times that they had sex. Said that it happened so long ago (20 years) that she couldn't remeber but it wouldn't be more than 5x. But she knowsit was wrong and was sorry. But the problem is shes been friends with the OM the whole time I thought that something was going on and asked her several times about it but she said "they are just friends" I guess close friends. Once I let her go with him to deliver some equipment and guess what they had sex. I'm not perfect and treated her bad and we've had fights. She said that she was young and it didn't last long, it happened over a five year time span. She was friends until just 2 weeks ago when I told him not to call see he lives about 500 miles away I don't know what to do. Throw 25 years away, are kids have grown up, do I forgive her or leave her. I know when he has called she lights up like a christmas tree that hurts... I know she loves me. Please help Link to post Share on other sites
tweldy Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I'm having a hard time piecing together the scenario. It sounds like your wife has the best of both worlds: a marriage and an affair. It sounds like the affair is still going on at an emotional level, if not a physical level. Ultimately, either your wife is willing to give it up entirely, or you should move on. Try marriagebuilders.com for information on how to cope with an affair. I feel for you, that totally sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 it happened so long ago (20 years) that she couldn't remeber ... and was sorry. I'm not perfect and treated her bad and we've had fights. Throw 25 years away... I know she loves me. From your thoughts, I see that you will be happier if you decide to forgive her. BTW, have you ever cheated on her? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 From your thoughts, I see that you will be happier if you decide to forgive her. BTW, have you ever cheated on her? No I have not, but when we been in a fight I smacked her once when she kepted getting in my face when i was trying to leave the fight to cool off. I've always tryed to let her have her space. I'm not controling or anything like that. Now the OM is married with kids But tells his wife that my wife is Older. See I tought that they were good friends. She said that it was never about the sex said they never kissed said it only lasted about 30sec. How can I beleive any of this. I do love her. She said that it is her fault and that she would leave but wants me to get over it. See, we have for the last 5 year are life has been great. When I asked her about the OM friend (I knew something kinda happened she confessed to it all and told me everything) but said that they were just friends that he is married going to Church. That it happened so long ago to love the woman she is now.. Sounds good huh. If roles were reversed I bet she would have left in a NYmin. I don't know what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 This was 20 years ago? If that's the case....you're dealing with a whole different person in alot of ways. Imagine the personal growth of TWENTY YEARS. I can't even wrap my mind around being upset by something that happened so long ago....short of out-and-out murder. I think the statute of limitations has more or less worn out here, but that's just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 This was 20 years ago? If that's the case....you're dealing with a whole different person in alot of ways. Imagine the personal growth of TWENTY YEARS. I can't even wrap my mind around being upset by something that happened so long ago....short of out-and-out murder. I think the statute of limitations has more or less worn out here, but that's just my opinion. Is this so when the friendship just ended and they met for lunch less than six months ago have they been meeting behind my back? They were talking aleast 2x a week. Link to post Share on other sites
harleygirl92156 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 This was 20 years ago? If that's the case....you're dealing with a whole different person in alot of ways. Imagine the personal growth of TWENTY YEARS. I can't even wrap my mind around being upset by something that happened so long ago....short of out-and-out murder. I think the statute of limitations has more or less worn out here, but that's just my opinion. Even though it happened to HER 20 years ago, it JUST happened to HIM! He just found out the truth so it doesn't really matter if she cheated 20 years ago or two days ago, to him the pain is new and fresh. There is no statute of limitations, when the betrayed spouse finds out the truth, it is the same as if it just happened. I do agree with the fact that you are dealing with a whole different person after 20 years, BUT the fact that the friendship continued for so long makes me doubt that it was an isolated incident 20 years ago. I don't know what I would do, but I know I wouldn't just accept this as the truth, forgive and move on. There would have to be marriage counseling, open communication and total honesty, then trust earned. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I know your pain. It is the worst pain I have ever had to deal with in my live to date. My husbands affair had ended nearly 3 years prior to me finding out, but the time didn't matter. The betrayal was new to me and like I said before it doesn't matter how long ago it happened, it is still new to the betrayed. Remember to take care of YOU, do what you feel is best for YOU and You are the most important person in your life. God Bless and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts