hopelesly confused Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Me and my husband have been together 3 years. In that 3 years he has lied, talked to his ex, and i think he slept around but i cant prove it. In the first 6 mths of our dating relationship he screwed up with me. He was talking to his ex and i found out. So i called her and asked her what was up and going on. Sh e said he only asked me to move in to be his maid and do his biding. I was 18 then and i got so mad. She said i was only there til she made up her mind and cam eback to him. We go into it big time and i tried to leave but he said he wanted to make it work and blah blah blah he'd do better and all that good stuff. Well 1 mths later he was calling her again, so i called her back cuz i took his phone cuz he clained she was calling him. which that i found was true. Her mom got on the phone and said u wanna see phone records to prove he's been calling and all that. But i didnt ask her for them. So we moved away to get away from all the drama. We got into a good church and everything. then i got pregant. We got married and i lost the baby. Everything was going good after we moved away. Til he started lieing again about the smallest stuff. here and there. Well ive gotten to the point where i dont believe ne thing out of his mouth. Then about 4 wks ago we had a big fight and I asked him if he married me for the baby? he said yes then he changed his story to i loved you and the baby , then to i grew to love you and for the baby. so i know he was lieing he jst married me for the baby. So he has me thinking all the time about what else he decieved me about and whatnot. I have been questioning his love for quite some time now and now i think i know that even though he sayd he'll change he never will he'll still be the same person he always has been with the lieing and nonsense. So i think that it's my time to move on and be without him. I think i have realized that it wasnt true love in the first place, it was jst an infatuation that has ended. I feel that there is no love on my side of the table. He might love me but how could you lie to your spouse if you loved her? or for that matter tell her mean things like she cant cook, i dont think u love me or something like that. I dont really even think he wanted to marry me. I think it was his mother pushing him to marry me so she wouldn't look bad at church ahving a grandchild out of wedlock. But thats why i need oyu opinion's please help me critism is welcome hopelessly confused Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Well, I would be careful against over-generalizing, but right now it appears that yours certainly does. You didn't say how long you were together before getting married, but I can say that a relationship can change a lot once the I-do's are said. For the better or worse. A marriage is supposed to be a long-term relationship & commitment, not to be cast aside when the first difficulties arise. I think the both of you have some communications issues to resolve, not to mention some expectations of each other that need to be better understood. Be careful about what is said during a quarrel. In the heat of passion, mean, thoughtless things are said, quickly regrettted. Another thing - I would not put a great deal of stock in things that his ex-w may have said. Remember, she's his ex-w. If their divorce was messy and/or acrimonious, it is likely she still harbors a lot of bad feelings about your h, & your talking to her presented her with a gift-wrapped opportunity to toss some verbal turds at the man. You & your husband have a lot of communication to re-establish. Perhaps a counselor would be helpful. ______________________________________________ If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. - Yogi Berra Link to post Share on other sites
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