Husband neglecting you?

[BeFree]

 

Wog,

 

Is that really why you got a pre-nup. In case she starts to nag you?

 

That's not a good attitude to go into a marriage. That's why people just live together instead of getting married. Then you can just walk away if it doesn't work out. Marriage should be taken more seriously.

 

Does your fiance know your attitude is that you will just "walk away" if she is not on her best behavior?

[whichwayisup]

I can almost hear all the women say in unison: "AND MEN ARE!!?? You're placing men, above women......did you not watch, "House" last night??? ALL humans begin their life as women, until a certain gene developes enough to tell the balls to drop out.....I knew that before the show....did you?

Love the show and yeah I did know that. Don't know how I did, but I did. Interesting twist and once again, typical funny cocky comments by House himself...

[Outcast]

There's nothing whatsoever wrong with prenups when the two who are marrying are adults with their own property each. You cannot see the future; you cannot promise today that in ten years you won't become mentally ill and behave so badly that a divorce is the only answer or that any number of other things might befall you.

 

So in financial terms, a prenup is brilliant.

 

In terms of dictating each others' behaviour, it's a bit much. Here, Wog - a 'behaviour' prenup already written - all you need to do is get it copied and get her to sign it http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html

[Moose]

There's nothing whatsoever wrong with prenups when the two who are marrying are adults with their own property each.

Well, ok for some, but me and materialism, that's the first thing to go in a relationship that I plan on investing a lifetime in.

 

Isn't that what a marriage is supposed to be?

You cannot see the future; you cannot promise today that in ten years you won't become mentally ill and behave so badly that a divorce is the only answer or that any number of other things might befall you.

"For better, or for worse....for richer, or for poorer.....till death do us part....." Those words mean something to some people.

So in financial terms, a prenup is brilliant.

Again, only my opinion, but if you're not willing to give your, "life" partner your entire life, (including possesions), you have no business entering Holy Matrimony.

 

If you don't have enough faith in who you choose to be your lifetime partner, you don't deserve what you have in the first place.

[Woggle]

feminist does not = manhater

 

I don't know why I waste my time with ignorant people.

 

My mother belonged to a feminist group and if a woman got into a relationship with a man she was ousted from the group. I saw growing up what feminism is about. They are like the KKK.

[Woggle]

 

Wog,

 

Is that really why you got a pre-nup. In case she starts to nag you?

 

That's not a good attitude to go into a marriage. That's why people just live together instead of getting married. Then you can just walk away if it doesn't work out. Marriage should be taken more seriously.

 

Does your fiance know your attitude is that you will just "walk away" if she is not on her best behavior?

 

Nobody is perfect but if it ever gets to the point where I am afraid to even come home then I will have to stop and think about the marriage if I stay in it. The prenup is divorce insurance. If the marriage gets miserable and I can walk and no harm done. So can she.

[AlmostMarried77]

The issue with the nagging Woggle?? The woman starts that because of other things in the relationship that are bothering her. It turns into being about division of labor or who does what,when in reality it's about how that makes her feel when he doesn't sit out the trash, which in turn makes her feel unimportant. It's never as simple but it's rather a condition of what's actually going on in the marriage.

 

I concur

 

There is a certain chicken and egg aspect to the whole thing though. Some laziness on the mans part might start the nagging but then the nagging if pushed too far becomes counter-productive and generates a "why bother" attitude and even more laziness. Although in some cases the nagging may have started first, just general nitpicking in how things are done.

 

Either way, most men are generally lazy. If they can get away with not doing something then they will. The wife will find herself with an unequal division of labour and will probably start complaining too late.

[a4a]

Well I got nagged at last night!!! My Husband NAGGED ME!!!!!!!

 

In my view nagging is this by him "Did you give the dog it's pills this morning?"

 

WTF? Of course I did that is like asking........ Did you feed the horses? Or did you remember to wipe your butt?

 

So nagging takes different forms and is also done by men. Perception of nagging or nitpickin' is different for each.

[Mz. Pixie]

Women are in charge by the way. The sooner you realize this, and go with the flow.....the better off you'll be.

 

 

 

Oh, Moose, you're a smart man!

 

The real issue here is, that Woggle thinks by spouting all of this stuff, appearing to man up, pick a certain type of woman and lay down the law with a prenup that he can protect himself from what happened to him before- getting hurt.

 

It's nice to take precautions against things from happening- for instance- one shouldn't marry a drug addict hoping that marriage would make them stop smoking crack yet all of these constraints he's making won't mean a thing.

 

Because he can't control her actions, no matter what. Controlling her actions would be the only thing to guarantee 100 percent that he won't get hurt again and it ain't going to happen. There is no guarantee in life about getting hurt. You just have to accept that you'll go into it hoping for the best and willing to do whatever it takes to keep it going, period and then whatever happens on the other end you cannot control.

 

I don't think very highly of a woman who would get into a relationship with someone who spouted this kind of stuff all the time. Why would someone?? I would be too afraid I'd step "outside the chalk line"!

 

Besides woman being in charge, another rule of life to learn is that sometimes you get your heart broken and sometimes you don't.

[blind_otter]

I'm sorry that your mother was in a group like that, but there are extremists of all kinds. It was unfair for you to be exposed to that kind of mentality at a young age -- it must have been frustrating and confusing.

[Ladyjane14]

I don't think very highly of a woman who would get into a relationship with someone who spouted this kind of stuff all the time. Why would someone?? I would be too afraid I'd step "outside the chalk line"!

 

I don't know if that's what she's doing, Pix. I think maybe she's just listening to him while he gets some of his hurt out.

 

My mother belonged to a feminist group and if a woman got into a relationship with a man she was ousted from the group. I saw growing up what feminism is about. They are like the KKK.

 

That must've been really hard for a boy-child to handle. Add the failed relationship....and he's got some issues to get out of his system.

 

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is recognize that our partner is venting out his anxiety. I doubt she takes a whole lot of his bluster seriously. Otherwise, she'd more than likely have let him know by now.

 

That said, I'd never recommend to Woggle that he allow his fiance to perceive any real misogyny from him. She IS a woman afterall, and eventually despite her understanding of his situation, she'll begin to take offense.

[Moose]

Nobody is perfect but if it ever gets to the point where I am afraid to even come home then I will have to stop and think about the marriage if I stay in it.

Woggle, you can't go into a marriage thinking this way. Don't you understand this?

 

You're setting yourself up for failure man.....

 

If it ever gets to the point where you're afraid to come home,maybe you need to fix the problem, rather than turning tail and running?

 

Women nag. It's in their nature. Men nag too. There will always be something you don't like about your SO. There will always be a time where she's going to piss you off.

 

If you think that your marriage is going to be full of bliss just because of this pre-nup, you have another thing coming......

[Outcast]

Again, only my opinion, but if you're not willing to give your, "life" partner your entire life, (including possesions), you have no business entering Holy Matrimony.

 

I'd love to hear your opinion of that should your wife have an affair or two and ditch you and then hit you up for all your possessions, including your house. Now maybe you, having mucho bucks, could slough it off but a lot of people would be crippled financially by that.

 

We all think we're brilliant judges of character; but still people who marry are betrayed daily - and worse. A prenup is your insurance against your own stupidity. A lot of people trusted utterly - and got utterly screwed. I almost put the ex on the deed to my place (stupid, stupid, STUPID - thank God I wised up). I'd not have a home now had I done that (he paid not one sou towards it).

 

So it's all fine to be uppity-moralistic about how people 'should' trust their partners but the fact of the matter is that it's possible to trust someone who isn't trustworthy. Nobody should be insulted if a person asks for a prenup because it's not about them. I don't expect people to trust me - why should they until they've known me a decade or two and I've proven myself? Why should anyone think I'm any more trustworthy than anyone else? You can't read others' minds so you can never know the real character of the person you propose to spend your life with. So you hope you can believe, but you insure yourself in case you're an idiot.

[Moose]

I'd love to hear your opinion of that should your wife have an affair or two and ditch you and then hit you up for all your possessions, including your house.

I've already expressed my thoughts on that. As for others who'd be financially destroyed, it's a leap of faith you're taking. If you're not willing to take that chance, then you have no business even thinking about it. It's that simple.

 

Pre-nups are an out. If you're thinking of an out, before you even go in.....you're setting yourself up for failure.

 

There will always be the thought of the, "out", you've already set yourself up with in the back of your mind.

 

Why enter into a lifetime relationship with this in your head?

 

You might as well just tell your fiance, "Let's get married temporarily".....

 

It doesn't make sense.

[Chump64]

This bugs me: Why are people under the assumption that a wife can ditch her husband and clean out all his assets / screw him over? In every divorce situation I've known about, the assets were split completely down the middle. The only thing is, if one spouse was a stay-at-home parent and did not have a retirement account, s/he would get half of the other person's retirement account. Even if the wife was a SAH mom, she might get some money to live on for a year or so but then the courts basically expect her to start working. Unless you have a crap lawyer, there is no way one spouse should get saddled with paying for the other spouse to live without working for a living, indefinitely.

 

The only reason for a prenup would be if one party has HUGE assets. Then if a divorce happened without a prenup, that party would have to share.

 

Frankly I wouldn't marry an a**jerk who wanted me to sign a prenup.

 

Woggle, what is it you do for a living that you have such huge assets to protect? Or are you trying to protect inherited wealth? Or are you simply confused?

[KonRyuu]

well, my wife's been complaining saying that I no longer talk to her, I never really thought about the reason why, but you hit it DEAD ON. The minute I walk through the door 10 minutes "late" by her standards it's, where were you, why are you home so late, who were you ****ing, bladaa blee bladee blaaa...funny thing is, I've never cheated on a girl in my life, and yes, she knows this. Also, we have a dog, as anyone knows, puppies take time to train and they have accidents, before we had the dog, she was all for it and begged me for it, afterwards, a few accidents, and all of a sudden, let's get rid of the dog, I told her no, that's a stupid reason to abandon an animal, she's like, fine then, the dog is yours now and you can take care of it, I will have nothing to do with that damn mutt. That's also another thing that she bitches to me about. I used to be really romantic with my wife, she never bitched at me either, since the bitching has gone up, the romanticism has died off, and that just adds to the bitchiness, that, you're never romantic anymore, it's like, give me a f**kin reason to be first.

[KonRyuu]

I would agree VERY, VERY much with a prenup, every single f'in time my wife get into a fight, and there's threats of divorce it's always her saying, if we get divorced I'll take your camaro, or the house, ****, she's even threatened having me killed for my life insurance, which isn't **** right now, I'm only 19 years old. no offense, but some women are f'in nuts, I was the dumbass who married one of 'em.

[Becoming]

I think what folks might be trying to say, Wog, is that your past way of dealing with major hurt (your mother in some kind of strange feminazi group, which is NOT the same as MOST feminism, then past relationships with women who also hurt you terribly) by trying to fortress and protect yourself from any possible future hurt is going to guarantee more pain in the long run rather than lessen it, as this strategy has a tendency to do short-term.

 

We all do this--try to protect ourselves from future pain in order to spare us the same hurts we experienced in the past. That's pretty smart, in fact. It's just that the strategy you're using from the past may not be the best one for the current situation--i.e. assuming all women are out to hurt men, take 'em down, etc. You can end up so fortressed that in her desire to reach you and in her frustration of her inability to be ushered into innermost vulnerability, which is what women really want, your new W may indeed end up nagging you. You will then blame her for marital problems, cut your losses, continue to experience pain in relation to women, and continue to perpetuate your past pain's patterns.

 

I know this because I am an expert at it. And I'm here to testify that learning a new way that is more open to experiencing our own vulnerability has tremendous payoffs with regard to marriage.

 

We want you to know the love of a good woman, Wog. But you may be your own worst friend in this regard.

[Mz. Pixie]

I think what folks might be trying to say, Wog, is that your past way of dealing with major hurt (your mother in some kind of strange feminazi group, which is NOT the same as MOST feminism, then past relationships with women who also hurt you terribly) by trying to fortress and protect yourself from any possible future hurt is going to guarantee more pain in the long run rather than lessen it, as this strategy has a tendency to do short-term.

 

We all do this--try to protect ourselves from future pain in order to spare us the same hurts we experienced in the past. That's pretty smart, in fact. It's just that the strategy you're using from the past may not be the best one for the current situation--i.e. assuming all women are out to hurt men, take 'em down, etc. You can end up so fortressed that in her desire to reach you and in her frustration of her inability to be ushered into innermost vulnerability, which is what women really want, your new W may indeed end up nagging you. You will then blame her for marital problems, cut your losses, continue to experience pain in relation to women, and continue to perpetuate your past pain's patterns.

 

I know this because I am an expert at it. And I'm here to testify that learning a new way that is more open to experiencing our own vulnerability has tremendous payoffs with regard to marriage.

 

We want you to know the love of a good woman, Wog. But you may be your own worst friend in this regard.

 

Becoming, yeah, that's what I was trying to say!

[whichwayisup]

Obviously she is okay with it cuz she signed it...

 

This thread has turned into bashing Woggle. It's his life, he knows what he's doing.

[Woggle]

I would agree VERY, VERY much with a prenup, every single f'in time my wife get into a fight, and there's threats of divorce it's always her saying, if we get divorced I'll take your camaro, or the house, ****, she's even threatened having me killed for my life insurance, which isn't **** right now, I'm only 19 years old. no offense, but some women are f'in nuts, I was the dumbass who married one of 'em.

 

Record next time she threatens to have you killed. Death threats are good reason to file for divorce and make sure you have a record of it. You are only 19 with no kids I assume so divorce should be fairly easy. Get out before it is too late.

[Outcast]

If you're not willing to take that chance, then you have no business even thinking about it. It's that simple.

 

Bull. It's not about trust in the least. It's about understanding that things happen to people. Yes, the person you're marrying at this moment may be wonderful but nothing guarantees that something won't affect that person for the negative in the future. It's about not trusting LIFE and you're a blind fool if you insist on thinking life will always be rosy and fun and never kick you in the necessary glands.

[Moose]

Look Outcast, you and I have just our differences in what marriage stands for.

Bull. (It's only my opinion Outcast, you have no right to call it, "Bull") It's not about trust in the least.

Yes it is. When two people agree on what marriage is about, (A LIFETIME COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER), then you're placing an awful lot of trust that the other person will remain faithful, with the FULL understanding you are both taking the bad with the good.

It's about understanding that things happen to people.

No kidding. A marriage is designed specifically with this in mind. WHY do you think the standard vows have the clauses, "Richer/Poorer, Sickness/Health, Forsaking all others"......???

Yes, the person you're marrying at this moment may be wonderful but nothing guarantees that something won't affect that person for the negative in the future.

And so what if it does? I made my vows. I will honor my vows. I will take my vows to my grave. This was our understanding going into this marriage.

It's about not trusting LIFE

OH PUHLEEEZE!!! Life is what you make it. If you don't trust life, you don't even trust yourself.

and you're a blind fool if you insist on thinking life will always be rosy and fun and never kick you in the necessary glands

I NEVER claimed this. Where do you get this from anyway???

 

There are people who get kicked, "In the necessary glands", they turn, and they run. Or use a pre-nup as an excuse to get out of working on the real issues.

 

Then there are those that stick it out, FIX the !@#$ problem, and are the wiser for it.

[Moose]

I would agree VERY, VERY much with a prenup, every single f'in time my wife get into a fight, and there's threats of divorce it's always her saying, if we get divorced I'll take your camaro, or the house, ****, she's even threatened having me killed for my life insurance, which isn't **** right now, I'm only 19 years old. no offense, but some women are f'in nuts, I was the dumbass who married one of 'em.

Do you kiss yer momma wit' that mouth???

 

I think both you and your wife have a lot of maturing to do.......

[Moose]

Record next time she threatens to have you killed. Death threats are good reason to file for divorce and make sure you have a record of it. You are only 19 with no kids I assume so divorce should be fairly easy. Get out before it is too late.

Even your advice to others scream the "d" word.

 

I don't think you even have a small clue what a commitment like marriage even is.