He bought the rings, but now I am afraid

[Sheba]

My partner and I have been struggling - he has been married 3 times and understandably has cold feet. I understand his worries but have become resentful about having the uncertain status of "girlfriend". This has been discussed by us ad infinitum.

 

Several weeks back, he said "we will get married IF". Then the "IF" came to be and he said "no I don't want to get married". I felt as if this broken promise was the last straw. We had an ugly fight. The next day, he said that he had just been angry when he said he did not want to get married. I was livid over the fight and said "prove it!"

 

Now, he has bought wedding bands and is discussing getting married ASAP. This seems ill fated.

[blind_otter]

I can understand his reluctance, I've been married once and I will never get married again. IMO the committment comes from inside and (obviously) a piece of paper and a $20,000 wedding don't cut the mustard. So anyone I have a LTR with will just have to understand or hit the road.

 

Being that he's been married 3 times already I'm surprised that he is willing to go again. Do you think he's just doing it to make you happy? If so it is ill fated.

[bab]

You have to talk to him. Tell him that you are worried that he is only willing to marry you because of your argument. Let him know how much you love him and want everything to work out. Start working from the very beginning at having good communication skills and argument resolution. Show him, don't just tell him how committed you are to making things go the distance. Enroll in a pre-marital counseling session.

 

If he's been married 3 times, he probably knows better than to marry you just to shut you up. Ask him. If this is the type of relationship that is going to make it, he'll be willing to tell you.