Psychological Warfare: Uping the odds of winning the ex

[ChaseYng2005]

There are many posts on how to get over an ex. Most people, including myself, ask questions hoping to gain some insight into the minds and hearts of an old flame, not to get over them, but to get them back or keep them for good. I myself am a psychology major, so I have my own techniques for keeping my ex in tow. However, I have found no new advice on the subject because many here seem to stress that the good fight of love and war is too draining and stressful to attempt and be won. I myself attempted and won the war, only to find out I don't want my ex back. I know...Shameful...But here are my words on some basic advice for getting the ex back.

 

Remember, if they never had feelings for you, this most likely will not work.

 

Stage 1: THE BREAK UP

 

Simply say "Ok...I'm sorry it didn't work out for us...Have a nice life." and leave. Do not look back. Go home, cry, scream, tear something up. BUT DO NOT CONTACT THEM. By doing this you will catch them off guard, and the abrupt ending will leave them constantly thinking about you simply because they can't imagine how you were so cool about it.

 

Take all his/her things that you have, box them up, and hide them. Delete his/her number, messages, emails, and IM names. Throw a "singles" or attend a party proclaiming yourself as single. Make sure you have good friends who are willing to listen to you talk about your ex.

 

Now the hard part. You have to conciously believe in your mind that your ex was a fairytale you read in a book, and now the book is over. It may sound silly, but you MUST create a reality in your mind of your old flame being nothing but a fairy tale, and you have to speak of it that way. Remember that the book is over, it only had a finite number of pages in it, so you can only re-read the fantasy, but you can never continue it.

 

All of these phases will give you the emotional strength you need to win them or eventually concede defeat. However, I have never failed to get an ex to contact me within a month.

 

Stage 2: RECONTACT

During recontact it is an ABSOULTE MUST that YOU take control.

 

Whenever your ex calls always seem too busy for long conversations. Tell them you have to get going in mid-conversation and that you will call them back. OR during a conversation, go to your door, open, say "Hey sweetheart" then tell your ex you have to go. And most importantly, before your ex can say anything about the relationship, tell him/her that you are glad you guys can remain friends, and tell him/her that he/she was your BEST friend. Let your ex plan a meeting, but when they suggest it, do not settle for the date they want. Tell them you are busy and only available on "this day." Once again, you are asserting control.

 

Don't ask your ex. TELL THEM!!

Example:

I want to see you next week = BAD

I will see you next week around... = GOOD

 

However, seem cool about this and only do it for the first few recontacts. You dont want to push them away, you want them to chase you.

 

Stage 3: THE MEETING AND BEYOND

 

NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER give into physical contact. Smile, give them the seductive look, but do not touch. Talk about casual things. Get your ex to see you as someone they can talk to about anything. Reaffirm them being your best friend and treat them that way, and all the while reaffirming in your mind that a romantic relationship with the person is an unrealistic fantasy. Try and have dates or friends call you while you are meeting with your ex. Talk about the positive things in your life.

 

Stage 4: REKINDLING THE RELATIONSHIP

 

You unfortunately have to wait for your ex to bring up the relationship topic. Don't let them know how much control they have over your heart. Just let them know that you missed their FRIENDSHIP. Let them know you are happy and just get as close to them as possible without hinting a relationship, ike watch tv with them WITHOUT touching, go to them with the movies, talk to them for hours about life, etc. A strong friendship is the best start of a never-ending relationship.

 

Well, those are a few words of my 2 cents. They aren't all encompassing, especially since my fingers are getting tired of typing, but hopefully the above pointers will help someone.

[CaliGuy]

I agree with most everything except you don't discuss ways of filling up your time. It's as if a reconnect is inevitable, which it isn't. Yes, if your ex doesn't have any feelings for you anymore then it will never work.

 

But, NC and playing it cool doesn't mean a thing if you aren't HEALED. Simply acting like it was a fairy tale isn't good enough. You have to LET GO COMPLETELY before you are able to fully heal.

 

I personally believe second chances often fail not due to the tactics involved (there are many ways to entice the ex back to you) but because the dumpee doesn't learn their lesson and change for the better (rebuild their self-esteem and confidence and realize they can and will survive without the ex).

 

What good is a second chance if you're still the same person they dumped and they are still the same person that dumped you?

[riobikini]

Chase,

 

All due respect to you and your impending degree....some of what you wrote, I do happen to agree with, except it was wound around so much that I do not agree with.

 

And yet, love is not about winning, nor losing.

 

And it is not a game.

 

And it is certainly not about controlling someone like a puppy on a leash.

 

At least, not to me.

 

-Rio

[CaliGuy]

Chase,

 

All due respect to you and your impending degree....some of what you wrote, I do happen to agree with, except it was wound around so much that I do not agree with.

 

And yet, love is not about winning, nor losing.

 

And it is not a game.

 

At least, not to me.

 

-Rio

 

It shouldn't be but to many, it is. The thrill of the chase. The "why doesn't he want me anymore?" questions.

 

My ex did not want me because I did not play "the game." I was open and honest about myself, what I wanted and how I felt. In the end it's best that it ended that way simply because I too don't want to be with someone who likes to play games.

 

Game playing, to me, is a sign of immaturity.

[Simons]

The only better way out there to get your ex back is to let them go period.

 

Nothing other than will never work

[Still_In_Love]

I have to add my two cents here.

 

I have to agree with the responses given. Love isn't about playing games... especially between two adults. Relationships generally fall apart because there is something wrong. Whatever it may be, it doesn't need to be burdened more by someone playing "psychological warfare" on their emotions.

Chase, you succeeded in winning your ex back, but at what cost? You wasted so much time and energy focused on playing a game with emotions that you didn't allow yourself to heal and when t you got to the end, you didn't want it anyhow. So what did you accomplish?

I was dumped and hit rock bottom. I listened to certain individuals here and took their advice....NC and heal yourself. If, by chance, that my ex-g/f returns because I chose not to contact her so be it, but I needed to heal myself first.

At first, I would have sold my soul to have her back. Six months later, I finally contacted her to wish her well and say goodbye. I needed closure and I have moved forward. The only wish I have for her is that she finds her happiness.

So what does playing games cost? Alot of wasted time and energy, and false hope for the one that decided yes they do want back and you realizing that you don't want them back. Great! you now screwed the other person up...Good psychology!!

 

Let them go!