ungodly Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 i am an atheist. my boyfriend is a baptist. i love him alot. he is so good to me. he told me the other day that he won't marry me until i become a christian. that really hurt my feelings. even if i do it i probably wouldn't mean it, i mean, i wuold only do it to make him happy. i am just so confused. he loves me, but he doesnt like that i am not religious. what should i do? ~Me Link to post Share on other sites
Ejs82 Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 I can pretty much relate...I am christian and my girlfriend of 1 yr is pretty much atheist, she claims she doesnt know what to believe (dad=christian,mom=budhist). So its pretty messed up religious-wise. I have pretty much been winging it on that part of the relationship since we dont plan on marrying anytime soon. Its nice to know that there are others that are screwed too...hell if I know what to do. i am an atheist. my boyfriend is a baptist. i love him alot. he is so good to me. he told me the other day that he won't marry me until i become a christian. that really hurt my feelings. even if i do it i probably wouldn't mean it, i mean, i wuold only do it to make him happy. i am just so confused. he loves me, but he doesnt like that i am not religious. what should i do? ~Me Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 If he isn't even married to you and he already wants to change you, there's trouble ahead. Christianity is a matter of philosophy. If you are an athiest, you can't just change your mind about things with the snap of a finger. If he can't understand that, he's pretty dense. Becoming a Christian is not like joining a club and paying dues. You have to believe in the basic theory. I might also add that a transition from athiest to Baptist, with a very strict and rigid belief system, would be quite radical. You need to tell him that it is unrealistic for him to expect you to be a hypocrite and pretend to believe in something you don't. Let him know he obviously can't accept you as you are so the deal's off. There a millions of men out there who are open minded and kind enough to allow you to believe whatever you want. That's your right anyway. If you let some dude try to dictate what your thoughts should be, you are making a big mistake. Millions of people have died in the past for your right to think, feel, and believe whatever the hell you want. Don't dishonor them for some bum. The fact that you are athiest indicates you have done a great deal of thinking and you are not vulnerable to the whims and teachings of others without serious questioning. I venture to say that your conflict on this issue indicates the two of you are not compatible on an intellectual or philosophical level. Think long and hard about marrying this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 I hate to say it but I don't think that your relationship is going to work. In my experience people who are intolerant of another person's spiritual/religious stance are, at heart, not very secure in their own. They need to be surrounded by people who adhere to the same system of beliefs that they have embraced, because anyone who isn't in line with that system threatens its shaky validity. This kind of intolerance can be found anywhere, even among atheists! But unfortunately it does seem to be prevalent in certain (not all!) religious communities, an attitude which ironically leads people to behave in ways that are directly at odds with the core tenets of their professed faith. Christians aren't supposed to be judgemental. Forced conversions are meaningless, as you have rightly discerned. It's not just a question of how you'd raise your kids or whether or not you'd get married in a church. If he's got doubts about his faith that he's unable/unwilling to acknowledge to himself, he's not going to be able to deal with the challenge that your beliefs pose. If he comes from a family with a similarly rigid outlook then you'd have to not only get him to confront and get over the doubts that he harbors about his chosen religion, but his family's opposition as well. That's a lot to take on and it could get very ugly, especially if religious activities are woven into the fabric of his family's life. I think the chances that it would work out well are slim to none. Unless you believe in miracles. i am an atheist. my boyfriend is a baptist. i love him alot. he is so good to me. he told me the other day that he won't marry me until i become a christian. that really hurt my feelings. even if i do it i probably wouldn't mean it, i mean, i wuold only do it to make him happy. i am just so confused. he loves me, but he doesnt like that i am not religious. what should i do? ~Me Link to post Share on other sites
David Gevert Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 As a fellow atheist, I have this to say: If he can't respect your lack of belief, then he, frankly, doesn't deserve you. If you're going to date Christians, you need to date the more liberal ones; the more fundamentalist they are, the more bigoted they are towards other religions, or lack thereof. "Fundies" and atheists just aren't compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
David Gevert Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 Oh yeah: ungodly, turn the situation around. Find some good websites out there that show just how absurd Christianity really is. Show him some websites like: http://www.infidels.org http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com http://www.positiveatheism.org http://www.thehappyheretic.com And then when he's had enough of you trying to deconvert him, ask him how it felt to be treated like that. If that isn't enough to make him "get it," then dump his sorry ass. Link to post Share on other sites
David Gevert Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 Tony, small point: It's spelled "atheist." Sorry, I'm a nitpicker... Link to post Share on other sites
goomba Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 Why didn't you think about your major religious differences when you started dating him? I'm actually surprised he dated an atheist to begin with. Most baptists are raised with the belief that you date other baptists or christians. If you are an atheist, you can hardly become a christian just to please him. Becoming a christian isn't like turning on a tap or joining a club, it's a whole belief system, a deep belief in God. Don't pretend you've become a christian, that's silly and deceitful. Your best bet is to end it with this guy and go out there and find yourself an atheist, then you can not believe in anything, together. i am an atheist. my boyfriend is a baptist. i love him alot. he is so good to me. he told me the other day that he won't marry me until i become a christian. that really hurt my feelings. even if i do it i probably wouldn't mean it, i mean, i wuold only do it to make him happy. i am just so confused. he loves me, but he doesnt like that i am not religious. what should i do? ~Me Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 I don't think you're a nickpicker at all. I misspell hundreds of words because of typos, stupidity, etc. and this is the first time you ahve corrected me. I'd say you use alot of slef restraint. Link to post Share on other sites
ungodly Posted September 1, 2001 Share Posted September 1, 2001 THank you all for responding so quickly. i am supposed to have lunch with him today, and i told him we need to have a long talk about our relationship. if he won't let me be who i am, i will most likely tell him that we need time apart. thank you again. ~Me Why didn't you think about your major religious differences when you started dating him? I'm actually surprised he dated an atheist to begin with. Most baptists are raised with the belief that you date other baptists or christians. If you are an atheist, you can hardly become a christian just to please him. Becoming a christian isn't like turning on a tap or joining a club, it's a whole belief system, a deep belief in God. Don't pretend you've become a christian, that's silly and deceitful. Your best bet is to end it with this guy and go out there and find yourself an atheist, then you can not believe in anything, together. Link to post Share on other sites
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