Emotionally Hurting

[Greg]

My name is Greg and I have been going out with this girl. It has only been two weeks since we were officially together, but Friday night she got drunk and high and slept with another guy. I care about her so much, and I have never had feelings like this with any other girl in my life. Whenever I'm around her I feel really special. When I take into account her past experiences and the way she has been treated, I can see why she might think she had to do this, but I don't know why she did it. I don't know if we're moving too fast, or I'm breaking down some of the barriers that she has erected, causing me to get too close. After she slept with the guy, she lied to me and told me that he kissed her, I found out the truth from a good friend of mine. I'm going to see her tonight and talk to her about this, but I need some advice. Please Help!

[odyne]

Well I know my reply may be too late to help you, but I figured I would try anyway. There seem to be a couple things going on here. Before I start in on this, I just want to make sure that you realize, I don't know this girl or anything about her past, so you are the best one to assess the situation. If you know she has had bad relationships in the past, then trying to understand her behavior is a good step. Even if you don't know much about her past, taking the time to try to "step into someone else's shoes" is always a good thing to try to do. You say you've only been together for 2 weeks, have you ever spent time with her defining your relationship? From what you said about her lying I kind of doubt she doesn't understand, but is she clear on what exactly you too "are"? What I'm getting to with all this, is the fact that she may not consider your relationship to be closed. It may be the opposite, but it's just something you might want to think about, your level of commitment to each other. It also sounds as if she may have a drug and/or alcohol problem. Does she get drunk/high a lot? Has this happened before? She may not be able to control herself while she's under the influence, it's something you may want to talk to her about, but if you do, do it gently and take it slow. The last thing would be her lying to you. If you are going to want to continue to have a relationship with this girl, you may have to forgive her for this slip up, talk to her about it and admit that although she made a mistake by sleeping with the other guy, the thing that hurt you most was her lying to you. (of course, only if that's the way you feel). If this relationship is going to survive, you need to be honest with each other and most of all...TALK. I think it's good you are meeting with her and trying to figure out what to do, but please watch out for yourself as well. It's obvious she has hurt you (sometimes we can make up for/help soothe the pain we inflict on others, and i hope she tries), but if she continues to hurt you..you may want to take time and rethink the relationship. Sorry this is so long, take care.

 

-Odyne-

[Greg]

Thanks a lot for taking the time to respond Odyne, I really appreciate and I took it to heart, the good thing is that I talked to her and pretty much did what you said I should do. Again, thanks a lot. Take care.

 

Greg

[odyne]

No problem Greg, I'm glad things seem to be working out for you so far. I admire your courage in talking to her right away about it. As long as you can talk to the people you are in relationships with, you'll be fine. Let me know how it turns out? Take care of yourself.

 

Odyne

[Greg]

We had a long talk, and we discussed our feelings and what I thought about the emotional barriers being broken was correct. She apologized and told me she loved me, and we are worked out. Thanks again for your advice.

 

Greg