what should i do???

[Ed]

i have a problem with my mom and i really don't know if her behavior is normal or am i just a black sheep in the family.

 

when i still have a relationship with my gf whom she dislikes very much just because of what my friends said about her, she was always in a bad mood. she's always thinking of ways to end the relationship. she doesn't give me anymore money, just barely talk to me and took back the car she gave me. she had a hard time sleeping, couldn't eat and couldn't concentrate working bcoz she's thinking that i will have no future with my gf which she just based on what my friends said about her and bcoz she's from a broken family and bcoz she's poor. my brother who pity my mom, sided with her and is also thinking of ways to end the relationship that he didn't even considered what i may feel.

 

she always said that the reasons she's worrying too much about the situation is bcoz she loves me very much and is only concern with my welfare.

 

but for me, the reason she's having all those worrying crap is not bcoz of my welfare but more bcoz her pride was hurt. bcoz for me, she might get alarmed from what my friends said(didn't turn out to be true) as a mother but she should have kept an open mind and accept it bcoz i'm happy with my gf. isn't it mothers like to see their children happy. but here, it seems that my mom is only after her own happiness. she's overreacting. for god's sake, this is my love life, it's not that i didn't a crime and i'm a fugitive that she is having trouble sleeping bcoz she doesn't know what my future is.

 

if she love me, then why is it that if she's mad at me, she doesn't talk to me for days sometimes week. if she's a loving mother that she's claiming to be, then she won't do this right? i have asked some friends and cousins on how their mother react to them after a misunderstanding and sad to say, nobody experience this kind of treatment from their mom. when we're young and she's so upset at us, she even told us that if she knew how bad we are, she should have killed us.

 

one time, she didn't talk to me and my bro for almost 3 weeks, JUST BCOZ WE DIDN'T TOOK UP COMPUTER WHILE IN COLLEGE AND NOW WE'RE HAVING A HARD TIME FINDING A JOB. this happened bcoz she heard her friend's son took up computer and got a job.

 

my mom always said that she don't like unreasonable people but it turns out she one of them. i met my gf through a friend and now my mom is upset at my friend bcoz i met this girl.

 

well, you guys might wonder that i maybe a bad kid. i'm not a perfect person, but i also have my share of mischievous things when i was young but those are, i think, typical of any kid, like having lots of failing grades, getting into argument over going out with friends at night. i never do drugs and never got involve in crimes. most of our argument is when i'm going out with friends at night bcoz she claims she's a worry wart.

 

i just couldn't understand her behavior. i don't know if this has something to do with her childhood bcoz she was spoil. she gets what she wants. one time, she told us that whenever she saw something she really likes she will get to the mall first thing in the morning to buy it. sometimes the mall is still close that she has to wait.

 

maybe she's too big for her pants now bcoz she's the bread winner in the family.

 

but one thing is funny, aside from her telling me that she love me, she's also very religous that she doesn't kill cockroaches and even yell at me if i'm about to step on one. if she's really sincere about her good deeds then why the hell she's treating us like this.

 

i won't be surprised if all my relatives look at me as a bad kid and my mom a good mom, bcoz my mom has a habit of telling people that she treats animals nicely and she worries about us, that she wakes up so early to fix our breakfast and of course the trouble we cause, but i bet she doesn't mention how she treats us at home.

 

i don't like to think negative stuff about my mom but i'm confused and fed up at how she's treating me. she always compares me and my bro to some succesful people same age as me or my bro but she didn't brought us up to be like them. she don't give us freedom. she don't support what we like but instead insist us to be like someone else.

 

please give me some advice. am i wrong or is it my mom?

[Tony T]

Love and respect your mother but move on a build a life of your own. You are your own person now and you have to be the architect of your own future.

 

Do not allow your mother or anybody else to interfere in your relationships. You've got to get away from this weird family of yours.

[I understand (really)]

Well, this sounds awfully familiar. My mother was similiar to what you are expressing, and she was mentally ill but not diagnosed until many years later. It is all about control; hers over the small aspects of her life. All of the little things she is doing is strange, but normal to her. If there is uncontrolled anger, silence treatments, childishness, spoiled behavior? then it is possible that she needs professional help. No adults should not act that way. They should show love and compassion when you need it. My mom was also religious, but in a twisted unhealthy way. I had no choice but to distance myself from her, and she later died without any reconcilliaton.

 

Is there a father you can turn to? Or sibling you are close with? This may become a lifetime of confusion for you, if you don't seperate her actions from your life. I had to realize that it was not ME, and I hope you do too. I can really sympathize, Good luck.