katie79 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I work for a family-owned business. There's a older guy there that flirts around w/everyone. Of course, we girls in the office play along with it because he does it in a "joking sense" and we don't see it as serious. However, this guy's flirting was getting maybe a bit excessive. He would do things like pop his head out the window of my desk and give me disgusting looks, point at me, make sexual motiions, etc, etc. He made plenty of comments such as, "I like you, do you like me how I like you, "I love you , do you love me", I'm the only person that likes you here, etc. Of course, these things didn't really bother me, but he was getting to be too much. Then he would kid around with wrestling w/me. He never came close to making physical contact w/me w/this joke in particular, but he would start getting mean, and say stuff such as "My men like beating their women, especially your kind, or he would say "I'll hit you in your head so hard, and so on. He even joked around w/ cornering me (though he never made me feel threatened, but it got to be too much and became annoying after a while). At one point, and this is what really did scare me, when we were alone in the breakroom, he took a hammer (a real one) and chased after me w/ a scary psychotic look in his eye and smashed things in his way really hard about 5-6 times. the loud sound and the chase really did freak me out a bit, though he stopped, and assumed I thought he was kidding. When he finally stopped I told him I thought he was a psycho and all he said was "you're just lucky I like you". For days, that incident did maybe creep me out a bit. he's also the type that jokes constantly, you don't know when he's serious and when he's not. To make a long story short, I didn't know what to do. I told a friend of mine, and she thought his behavior with this was not a luaghing matter and told me to tell the boss (eventhough he's family). She also stressed he has a record and that could be bad so she thought it was best I just made the boss aware of his behavior. Well, though I was hesitant about it (since everyone at work thinks he's harmless and a big jokester), I told my boss. The guy was pissed at me, from what i could tell, but now we're on friendly speaking terms. So my problem is, should I not have told my boss about this in the first place? I feel really stupid that I told him and maybe this spread in the "family owned business" that I blew things out of proportion or overreacted with the incident. What do you guys think? Was telling my boss the right thing to do or should I have just let it slide? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 yes telling the boss was the right thing to do.. I grew up in a family business and know how people can act.. He might be harmless and just fu*king off but you don't have to work in an enviroment that creeps you out or where you are getting joked to death ( harrassed ) Trust me.. they will not think anything bad of you.. they already know how he is and should straighten him out.. They may feel that you blew it out of proportion but that doesn't matter.. what matters is that they correct the issue.. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
cc5421 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I too, agree. Telling the boss was the right thing to do. At the very least this guy has bad manners and should be showing more respect to his co-workers. What if one of the women he works with has been abused in the past or gone through a traumatic experience? This type of behavior could do some serious damage. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Telling you boss was totally the right thing to do... You shouldn't feel afriad of your co-workers... If that guy would have done that shyt around me... people would know... His behavior is alarming... I would make sure you have other people around you at all times now... Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 You say he's older. Sometimes the onset of dementia comes with a changed personality that gets hypersexual as well as confused about reality and socially-acceptable behavior. If he's watching violent porn, he may be acting out some strange fantasies. I have seen my father go through some of this as the result of a brain tumor and dementia. It is totally uncharacteristic of what we knew of him, but AC's right, the family sure knows now. Yes, you have to tell the boss and other women you work with, and you need to be careful. DO NOT be alone with this guy. What's happening to you is really scarey. Hugs and comfort to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katie79 Posted March 11, 2006 Author Share Posted March 11, 2006 yes, the guy is older, he's in his late 40's. I think he was just kidding around and may be harmless. I sent this post intially just because I felt maybe like telling the boss was blowing it out of proportion. And a bad idea since he's a close friend of the owners of this family-owned business. The replies I got made me feel like less of an a-hole! The guy has really not done anything scary and I don't think he will f-around like that EVER again. He still flirts around w/me, but it's nothing I can't handle, and he flirts w/all the girls there & we all know he's kidding around and go along w/it-so that's not an issue (as long as he doesn't get excessive like last time w/his flirting). I have been alone w/ him in the workplace since---and not by choice, by coincidence unfortuntely, and he did nothing wrong or anything. So my conclusion of this man is he's harmless. Of course, I'm not an idiot about it, I avoid him as much as I can, but I DO have to work w/him, so I am civil and stuff. Thanks for all your help! Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Katie, if I may ask... When you told your boss about him, what was his reaction? Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I would have done more than tell the boss. I would also consult with law enforcement. The behavior you describe is not joking or playfulness, it is assault and it is a crime. Specifically, chasing after you with a hammer, which can be considered a lethal weapon when it is brandished in a threatening manner. The fact that he did not actually clobber you with the hammer only means he did not extend his crime of assault into a crime of battery as well. Most police departments will take this seriously, and as a minimum will send uniformed officers to talk to him to apprise him of the illegality of his conduct. His pattern of escalating aggression, along with the "don't ask don't tell" response by management, worries me greatly. It appears nobody is doing anything to make him back off. I have managed hundreds of people in my career, including some tough 99% male workforce operations, and I can assure you that even less than the behavior you describe would earn anyone plenty of management and HR face time, discipline, corrective action plans, written reports, and quite likely termination. I am disgusted with your boss for tolerating this. It says a lot about the kind of operation that you are working for. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I agree with SoleMate. He's not so old that dementia should be an excuse. Why are you trying to talk yourself out of this being so bad. Being chased by a guy with a hammer is crazy stuff, hon. At the bare minimum, tell the boss. Document the gist of the conversation in writing afterwards by email so you have something in writing for a wrongful dismissal suit if the boss chooses to excuse this guy's behavior and fire you instead. In that email, tell him if this behavior is not dealt with in a satisfactory manner, you will need to look into filing an affirmative action complaint against the co., that you don't want to, but that you and others need to feel safe in the work environment. The guy should have a note about the complaint against him put in his personnel file so that if something like this ever happens again, he can be fired. (This means you'll have to figure out what's satisfactory to you.) You need to make it clear to the guy involved in front of witnesses that you enjoy joking around with him, but there's a line, and you're uncomfortable when he does {specify behavior}. Then tell him if he ever decides to "have fun" by chasing you with a hammer again {and anything else you want to add to the list}, you're calling the police. I know all of this is unpleasant because I assume it's a small co. But you have a right to feel safe at work. And from what I read of the incident, you're not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katie79 Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 Lovtoto- My boss first intial reaction was laughter; he thought it was funny. Of course, this made me feel more of like and idiot, but anyway, the next thing he said, is "he flirts with everyone, he probably likes you and that was just his way of flirting with you". Now, my boss, the owner/founder of this family owned business is generally a VERY low-key guy, even a "pushover". He's not aggressive. Sometimes when i hear how other employees (mainly his family a & close friends) speak to him regarding work, I think he should put his foot down. However, he did leave the confrontation about the incident as he would address the guy who did this and would file the incident away w/HR, and if he continued to bother, he would "get rid of him"-he also mentioned he's sent him home early to work for "other reasons," not related to this incident. Also, I find most men I have told (aside from my almost husband) thought it was funny; ridiculous and nothing to worry about. Whereas women on the other hand find it more serious. I am certain my boss confronted him, as he said he would, and he realized what he did was maybe just a little psycho! SOMEONE, I forgot your name-sorry , questioned/intimated in this post why I feel so bad about telling the boss-I guess I felt stupid because this company is all family and they think he's harmless and just an all-around flirt, it's hard to explain-it's one of those, the relaxed "we're family/friends and we all know who everybody is, etc,etc". Had this happened elsewhere, in another company (non-family owned) where there was more structure, I wouldn't have really felt "stupid" about confronting my boss/management/etc. I think this man is creepy and totally unstable! And would his behavior be acceptable in another comapny? Absolutley not!-he probably would have been fired years before I got there! But I don't think he'll dare do anything along those lines to me again, as he knows, I will take action on it like i did before. Thanks for making me feel better everyone- I appreciate your feedback! I'm glad to say, he's not behaving in a threatening manner towards me anymore, I am cautious in the workplace/parking lot, and I'm sure it'll never happen again now that he's been set straight. Thanks again gals/guys Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I, too, would take this more seriously. You did the right thing by telling the boss. Contacting the police and/or a lawyer is an option. I don't know how easy it would be to find a new job in your area. If I were you, I'd start keeping a log of what he says and does. I'd also try to find a way to record his behavior, just in case you need it in court someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Sorry to hear that about this guy he would freak me out if i worked with him. You did the right thing by telling your boss about things he has said to you. He is harrassing you and freaking you out as well ..Someone needed to know how he was talking you . You never know he could be an ax murder ! He gives me the willies by the things he has said to you. Be safe . Link to post Share on other sites
inconsiderado Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 where i'm from, they call that attempted murder. Link to post Share on other sites
sazzya1987 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 I work for a family-owned business. There's a older guy there that flirts around w/everyone. Of course, we girls in the office play along with it because he does it in a "joking sense" and we don't see it as serious. However, this guy's flirting was getting maybe a bit excessive. He would do things like pop his head out the window of my desk and give me disgusting looks, point at me, make sexual motiions, etc, etc. He made plenty of comments such as, "I like you, do you like me how I like you, "I love you , do you love me", I'm the only person that likes you here, etc. Of course, these things didn't really bother me, but he was getting to be too much. Then he would kid around with wrestling w/me. He never came close to making physical contact w/me w/this joke in particular, but he would start getting mean, and say stuff such as "My men like beating their women, especially your kind, or he would say "I'll hit you in your head so hard, and so on. He even joked around w/ cornering me (though he never made me feel threatened, but it got to be too much and became annoying after a while). At one point, and this is what really did scare me, when we were alone in the breakroom, he took a hammer (a real one) and chased after me w/ a scary psychotic look in his eye and smashed things in his way really hard about 5-6 times. the loud sound and the chase really did freak me out a bit, though he stopped, and assumed I thought he was kidding. When he finally stopped I told him I thought he was a psycho and all he said was "you're just lucky I like you". For days, that incident did maybe creep me out a bit. he's also the type that jokes constantly, you don't know when he's serious and when he's not. To make a long story short, I didn't know what to do. I told a friend of mine, and she thought his behavior with this was not a luaghing matter and told me to tell the boss (eventhough he's family). She also stressed he has a record and that could be bad so she thought it was best I just made the boss aware of his behavior. Well, though I was hesitant about it (since everyone at work thinks he's harmless and a big jokester), I told my boss. The guy was pissed at me, from what i could tell, but now we're on friendly speaking terms. So my problem is, should I not have told my boss about this in the first place? I feel really stupid that I told him and maybe this spread in the "family owned business" that I blew things out of proportion or overreacted with the incident. What do you guys think? Was telling my boss the right thing to do or should I have just let it slide? I agree that telling your boss was the right thing to do. You want to feel safe at work not threatened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katie79 Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 thanks for all your help guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts