Thinking of Cheating

[Jiji]

Hi everyone!

 

I am having some problems now though. It would be great if you guys and gals could give me some comments.

 

I'm here in the states now. I'd rather be in Sing though.

 

Anyway, I've been depressed lately. I feel like cheating on my BF. I've never cheated on him before but lately I just want to go out and have some fun. I want to hang at some bar/club.

 

Perhaps even some wild stuff for a night or two.

 

Is this crazy?

 

My BF is one of the good guys. My family likes him. he's good looking, he treats me well, makes a decent living etc. but lately I've not been happy with him. Actually, I've not been happy with him for quite a whle and I think he knows it. I've tried talking to him but it's not working. I'm not sure if he's just ignoring me and hoping i'll get over this or if he knows this relationship is over but not willing to let go.

 

We live together so it's not like i could just not come home one night but i really need to get out. So should I cheat or hang in here???

[Gina]

Cheating would mess things up TRUST ME!! the old sayings true "your never know what you have till its gone" If you are unhappy with the relationship i suggest talking to him. Explain the issues that you are concerned with. If he agrees to make some changes and wants to work on the realtionship then you will soon find out how you really feel. If you find out down the road that you are still unhappy then i sugest taking some time off of breaking up. That way you can explore your options with a clean concience.

 

What ever you do give this some thought. Dont rush into anything and most important thing: talk to him

 

I wish you the best of luck

Hi everyone! I am having some problems now though. It would be great if you guys and gals could give me some comments. I'm here in the states now. I'd rather be in Sing though. Anyway, I've been depressed lately. I feel like cheating on my BF. I've never cheated on him before but lately I just want to go out and have some fun. I want to hang at some bar/club.

 

Perhaps even some wild stuff for a night or two. Is this crazy? My BF is one of the good guys. My family likes him. he's good looking, he treats me well, makes a decent living etc. but lately I've not been happy with him. Actually, I've not been happy with him for quite a whle and I think he knows it. I've tried talking to him but it's not working. I'm not sure if he's just ignoring me and hoping i'll get over this or if he knows this relationship is over but not willing to let go. We live together so it's not like i could just not come home one night but i really need to get out. So should I cheat or hang in here???

 

[Ed]

I don't think you or anyone else should ever cheat on their mate. Cheating will not get you what you want from this mate or any other.

 

You are obviously not happy with the current state of this relationship. My suggestion is for you to maintain your own integrity. Be true to yourself and to your partner. Do your best to communicate your wants, needs and desires to your partner. There is no way to know if things will get better, stay the same or get worse. If, after an appropriate amount of time based on how committed you are to this person, you are still not satisfied, then end the relationship in a dignified way. You don't have to cheat to find out what you want and need. You don't have to cheat to get what you want and need.

 

You have the perfect opportunity, right now, to set the course of your life and your relationships. Don't cheat yourself or cheat on your mate. You may just not be ready for a committed, monogamous relationship at this point in your life. That's OK. You have the right to choose a mate that is suited to you when you are ready for that. If you want to try other things, then free yourself and go for it.

[Bean]

In my opinion. You shouldnt!!

 

I did the other week. And its all ended up terribly!!! My boyfriend has broken up with me and i am trying eveything i can to pursuade him to take me back.

 

So unless you want to risk loosing your boyfriend. Dont cheat.

[Tony T]

Break up with your boyfriend immediately. It is insane to remain with someone you are not happy with and, according to your post, you haven't been happy with him in a long time.

 

Then go out with any guy you want and it won't be cheating.

[marzipan75]

Hi Jiji,

 

it sounds like you've been going through the motions and like you've made up your mind that you no longer want to be with him, am I right? If so, then I think you owe it to him to be honest and have a discussion before you "cheat" on him. Going out, having fun, etc, does not necessarily mean you will cheat on him. Also, why cheat on him? If you're afraid of confrontation then you are far enough away now that you can call him on the phone and tell him what the deal is. You live with him and yes that will be very complicated. When you return you will have a lot of decisions to make, starting with where you will live, etc. Think about it a little longer before you do anything stupid.

 

I don't understand why you feel you have to cheat on him. Don't you think it will be ten times worse on him if you cheat on him and use that as an excuse to break up with him? I think that if you are having these feelings that he is definitely not the one for you then you can be kind enough to break up with him and be honest with him without having to cheat on him to do it. I think cheating will ruin any chance of future friendship/relationship you may have with him, do you really want that?

 

Do you really want to picture his face when he reacts to the news that you cheated on him with somebody after all the time you have spent together and worked on the relationship? I don't think so. Please, take it from someone who knows, I was cheated on recently by my ex and then he dumped me the next day, then later on he decided he wanted to be friends, well it just doesn't happen that way. I was devastated that he did that when all he had to do was have a discussion with me and end it, then he could go on to do whatever he pleased. So why don't you do that.

 

I am not judging you here, it's a very good sign that you are seeking advice on this and my advice to you is break up with him first, then go out and have your "good time" afterwards. He does not need to know that you just made a decision on your own and started "celebrating" it while you were still "together", get it?

 

You said he's a good guy, descent to you and your family, then don't you think you at least owe it to him not to do anymore damage to him? You will hurt him so much if you cheat on him and for what? So you can see if you still want to be with him afterwards maybe? Is that part of it, that maybe you don't know that you want him until he's gone? I don't know and I'm not here to psychoanalyze you or tell you that you are a bad person because you're not. Not wanting to be in a relationship does not make you a bad person, but cheating is another thing.

 

Cheating is not good, do you think you want to live with the guilt afterwards knowing that you hurt another person you cared about? Maybe you don't love this guy but you can at least respect his feelings and the fact that he probably loves you so why are you willing to hurt him?

 

Just call him and tell him it's over, don't cheat on him, it will only serve to hurt him and he doesn't deserve that, nobody does.

 

I hope that helps. Take care of yourself out there, it's tough!

 

Maudi

Hi everyone! I am having some problems now though. It would be great if you guys and gals could give me some comments. I'm here in the states now. I'd rather be in Sing though. Anyway, I've been depressed lately. I feel like cheating on my BF. I've never cheated on him before but lately I just want to go out and have some fun. I want to hang at some bar/club.

 

Perhaps even some wild stuff for a night or two. Is this crazy? My BF is one of the good guys. My family likes him. he's good looking, he treats me well, makes a decent living etc. but lately I've not been happy with him. Actually, I've not been happy with him for quite a whle and I think he knows it. I've tried talking to him but it's not working. I'm not sure if he's just ignoring me and hoping i'll get over this or if he knows this relationship is over but not willing to let go. We live together so it's not like i could just not come home one night but i really need to get out. So should I cheat or hang in here???

 

[Ejs82]

EVER HEARD OF " TALKING THINGS OUT " ??????

 

damn people.....

 

Hi everyone! I am having some problems now though. It would be great if you guys and gals could give me some comments. I'm here in the states now. I'd rather be in Sing though. Anyway, I've been depressed lately. I feel like cheating on my BF. I've never cheated on him before but lately I just want to go out and have some fun. I want to hang at some bar/club.

 

Perhaps even some wild stuff for a night or two. Is this crazy? My BF is one of the good guys. My family likes him. he's good looking, he treats me well, makes a decent living etc. but lately I've not been happy with him. Actually, I've not been happy with him for quite a whle and I think he knows it. I've tried talking to him but it's not working. I'm not sure if he's just ignoring me and hoping i'll get over this or if he knows this relationship is over but not willing to let go. We live together so it's not like i could just not come home one night but i really need to get out. So should I cheat or hang in here???