sandra Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Some of you have read my last post. I had found out that my boyfriend of 3 yrs was talking to this very attractive woman. By talking, I mean phone conversations and hanging out "in a group" or so he said. I took some of the advice I got from some of y'all and "I nipped it in the bud". Well, now she's outta the picture, I happened to check his messages ( I know very immoral but had to be done) and I found out there is some new girl now calling him, leaving messages at all times. After 9pm and early 7am?? I can't confront him about it because he doesn't know that I check his messages. Moreover, he's been very distant lately and I've been trying to figure out what the hell is going on. My sixth sense tells me he's doing something he shouldn't be, but I want to trust him so bad. I love this man and I'm scared of breaking up with him. I told him last night that we can't be together no more and that we need to end this. He begged me not to leave him. Do you think I should call the girl and ask her what's going on with them two?? The only way I can make a clean break is if I know for a fact that he's been cheating. Please help me, I'm driving myself crazy!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 If you do decide to call her, don't tell your b/f that you are doing it. The last thing you want is for him to get the heads up, call her first and then decide on lies to stick to in case you ask. Call her with no warning and ask in a non confrontational and unemotional way. Calmly ask for the facts. Don't give her any reason to get defensive on you - keep any anger and hurt to yourself while you are talking to her. She may or may not be truthful depending on her motivations in her relationship with your boyfriend. She may decide to say the old "we're just friends" thing to protect what she has with him. Then you'll have to decide how many lies and future "friends" you are willing to live with in your relationship, because it looks to me like he's setting a pattern that isn't easily broken. Link to post Share on other sites
MazzyStar Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Darn right I would confront her. But, I would wait. I am going through the same thing, and I did it all wrong. I told my H I was going to tell her H and he called her for a heads up. I yelled, screamed, cried, and threatened. I wish I could do it all over, but this time be calm. I think he would have told me more if I didnt freak out. I would also check everything, emails, phone etc. I would also go as far as checking receipts, pay stubs, car and such. I dont feel bad doing it. I did at first, but I have to do it to prove myself wrong. I still snoop, but not as much as before. I think at the stage we are at it is a natural reaction. The men dont give us much choice. Figure things out first, but know this NO girl should be calling him, and if so, he should tell you. Especially after what just happened. Good luck, Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I wouldn't bother calling her. Chances are good she'll lie. Then you've had an upsetting conversation with no real information gain. Instead, I would make a hard decision about whether or not to stay with a man who had established a pattern of doing things behind my back. His begging and crying should be ignored, IMO. It's easier to beg than to actually fix his own behavior. Just be aware that if you give in, you're just signing up for more of the same in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Hmmm...It's easy for me to give advice, because I am not in the situation. But, here's my take for what it's worth, Sandra. If you end up confronting this woman, I doubt if she will be honest with you and in the meantime, your BF is getting a *huge* ego boost for having two woman fight for him. I, myself, wouldn't give him that satisfaction. I am sorry but your BF sounds like an opportunist to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandra Posted February 25, 2006 Author Share Posted February 25, 2006 Thanks you for the advice. Truly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandra Posted February 25, 2006 Author Share Posted February 25, 2006 I've ended this relationship this morning. I asked him if he has any "girl" friends who i don't know about and he denied it. Remember, I know for a fact that he does. I gave him a chance to tell me, I told him that it's okay to have women friends but I want to get introduced to them. He completely denied that he has any female friends. His lying as affirmed my fears that he is cheating on me. It hurts real bad to lose someone who meant the world to you. I hope I'll survive this. I've been so heart broken the entire day. He's been calling me and saying that he can't beileve that I've broken up with him and that he can't live without me.... but I know the truth now. Luvtot, I kinda agree with what you said about him getting an ego boost about all of this. I've decided not to confront her but I'm real curious as to what she'd say. I'm reminding myself that it's over and that I don't need to talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
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