Do i really seek a relationship?

[Soop]

HI, um.. i am just trying to figure something out about myself and was hoping for some honest opinions. Thanks

 

I have pretty much been alone all my life and i don't have many social skills, especially when it comes to setting up a date or starting a relationship. Although i may have lack of confidence that girls may pick up on i don't particularly think low of myself.. i really like who i am, sure i have some issues about myself but nothing that would even come close to resulting that i hate myself. I don't see myself lower than anyone else since i know that not to be true.

 

I have came to the conclusion that it is 3 things that are letting me down;

 

1. Fear of rejection (I'd just find it as one massive blow to my personality)

2. Lack of progression in life

3. Lack of social skills (I was very quite back in High school.. so lost the skills i did have).

 

What i mean by lack of progression in life is that i don't really have any goals in life.. if someone asks me i just say i want to be very happy and content.. how is unknown . I still live at home and don't need to get a job.. so it seems logical to me that i haven't learned what it's like to live for myself, which could therefore result in lack of confidence in my own abilities. I'm currently 19 and still studying in college so it's hard to get a job and suicide to get my own flat or something!

 

The problem is that when i ask myself if i want to be in a relationship i find myself stuck with 2 thoughts.. a part of me that wants to understand what it really feels like to look at the dream girl in her eyes and realise that all negatives of life don't matter as long as she's in your arms. The other part of me wants to be alone and to do his own thing.. not from fear of the other part but because it just feels right.. i just feel happy on all levels being alone and only find myself curious of the feeling of love (to be curious doesn't mean that it is intended to eventually happen).

 

As i said, i just want your opinion on my situation, do you think i'm even seeking a relationship or do you think my personality type is just a loner type?

 

Thanks for reading.