inlovebutindecisive Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I have been dating my current boyfriend for fifteen months. We have talked about the future since our first month together, and we have made plans. I love him very much and have a good time with him, and I can imagine one day settling down with him one day. However, lately I have started getting the feeling that he might be interested in settling down sooner rather than later. There is nothing specific, so I could be imagining things, but he has mentioned some odd things lately, asked how long various friends of ours dated before getting engaged, and (the cincher) I'm fairly sure hee borrowed one of my rings (he thinks he is being sneaky, but unless we had a very particular and remorseful thief, it had to be him who took it for a day). All this is making me wonder if he is going to propose. Despite all our talking of the future, I do not want to get married yet. I am 27, but not in any rush. I don't think we have been together long enough for an engagement to be sensible. So, I am hoping he doesn't propose just yet. But in the event that he does, do you think saying "yes, but not yet?" would be feasible? Would most men take that as a "no", or understand it as a plea for more time? I do not want to shatter him, but I would like to inject reality back into this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 You can answer "yes, but not now." He's in no way obligated, however, to agree to that. This is an issue you should speak with him about before he proposes. Because things get sticky after the proposal and feelings could very well be irreperably hurt. Ask yourself this: Is he kind of person that would be okay with a long engagment? Is he the kind of person that would be okay with being engaged and having no wedding for quite a while (year plus) on the horizon? If the answer is no to any of those questions, a "Yes, but not now," will very likely hurt him very much. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 15 months and you are 27... Not a bad age, I'll say wait till 30 and have a few years under your belt as a individual. Also any of you two planning on graduate school in the next 5 years? I personally would ask why "yes, not right now" Yes he would be hurt and it is no better than a no. If he doesn't understand why; well you got an answer about compromises. Other than time and "you're not ready" are there other issues in the relationship you wish to have resolved? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 You can always say "yes', then call the engagement off. You can tell him tonight or ASAP that you don't want to get married yet (find some context to make your statement relevant to some subject) so that he doesn't find himself surprised by your yes-but-not-now answer. Just be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
carmaenforcer Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 jerbear posses a good question. The answer to why not now should be addressed, if not by you and him, then by you but honestly. It's very responsible of you to put a lot of thought into a decision this big and not just say yes to him without thinking about it. I was proposed to by my Girl Friend and I answered yes when I wasn't really ready yet. With me it wasn't that I didn't love her enough to take the step, but there were some serious issues she needed to resolve before I could honestly want her as my Wife. I was lucky that we resolved the issues I was having throughout the coarse of our engagement but it went down to the wire. Link to post Share on other sites
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