Caught him with an online dating account

[Guest]

Well, I feel bad because I got hold of my BF's email pwd and went snooping because I have been suspicious that he was talking to other women. I found that he had an account from the service we met through four years ago and another with lavalife. His account had been suspended because he had harrassed another member.

 

I confronted him about having online accounts which he denied. I did not tell him I went into his email. He swore he did not have any and had not used the site we met through since we met...eventhough it said his last login was this month. I went into his email account today and saw that he had reactivated his lavalife account. I dont know what to do. We are about to move in together and I dont want to reveal I snooped....however, I def. don't want to be someone that is doing this. Please help.

[rustysquirrel]

My opinion:

 

Don't tell him... yet.

 

Keep tabs on him. Watch his emails.

 

It's possible he's just doing it for a thrill and has no intentions of actually setting up any meetings.

 

But it's also possible he's gearing up to cheat on you.

 

If that's the case, you will want proof. Cut and paste his emails and save them in an encrypted file -- there are lots of good freeware file encryption programs out there .

 

Don't confront him without SOLID proof.

[933KJL]

Maybe you are not getting ready to move in and he is getting ready to break up with yo because he feels you are controlling and untrusting?

[Art_Critic]

Forward all the emails to you then mail them from you back to him... the look on his face would be priceless

[sazzya1987]

I had a relationship with a guy online, his my friend who still wants a relationship with me, (confusing situation) anyway, when I we both had an 'online relationship' I unsubscribed him from these dating sites he was still a member of. Not sure if he noticed 'someone' had deleted his accounts, he didn't mention anything about it

Your guy might just be a member still out of intrest on what is happening on the site still, it doesn't mean he is building up to cheating or going to dump you for someone else, especially since moving in together is a big commitment to do. You never know he might just be on some of these dating sites to find friendship, not dating.

[933KJL]

What is it with you people. I went in and deleted his accounts. I read his email. Trust works both ways.

[clhootie]

if she never would have snooped what would he have done? maybe if he was honest she wouldn't have felt the need to snoop. i didn't snoop, but was in the same situation w/boyfriend going online. he lied and lied. i tried to get him to understand that by being on a "dating" site you are saying you want to "date". which assumes you're saying you're single. NOT something you want your b/f saying, even if it is only online. it makes you wonder what else they are hiding. if they have that little respect towards the relationship and are willing to lie right to your face then what does that say about the relationship.

 

i went online to the same site he was on and put my personal ad out there. he was hurt and pissed. but now he is using it to not deal with the fact he was out there. he is trying to make me believe i was out there first. it really makes you wonder how their minds work. why do they feel it's ok for them to do something which obvious hurts you. it's like they know will hurt you, but just don't care.

 

i can't tell you what to do, but you will have to go into the living together relationship assuming he is online and is not going to stop being online. can you live with that?

[Sunfisher]

You need to postpone moving in together - tell him you both need to work thru some issues and establish more trust between each other. Living together isn't a great idea if you're having doubts about his loyalty to you.

[yawhatever]

Dosn't make sense, if he wanted to cheat why would he move in with you? Isn't it easier to cheat when your not living togehter? Just a thought.

[sexyLMC]

online dating thing.. really people.. a few emails..

i dont think theres anything to worry about.

i think there maybe abit of lack of trust going on here..

if he talks to other women whats the big deal.. no person in this world can tell someone who they can and cant talk to.

 

for all you lot know he could be asking advise about ur relationship to other people.. e.c.t i think your letting this play on your mind to much hun.

x lisa x

[Guest]

I'm convinced that there are occations where snooping is justified. If you have caught someone lying about other things, for example, and you just have that "hunch".

 

Ideally we would all trust our SO's 100 percent. That is just not going to happen though. It is not realistic.

 

Of course, just trusting your SO 100 percent doesn't change reality either.

Plenty of people cheat, and they will do so whether you trust them or not.

I'm sure there are plenty of trusting people out there with SO's having affairs behind there backs.

 

I'd say trust as much as you can, but don't be gullible or naive either.

[MadDog]

The biggest problem here is the lack of trust which is warrented given his willingness to lie. You know for a fact he'll lie to you to your face. Moving in with him would be a big mistake. Do you really want to spend all your time wondering what else he's lying about? There's no such thing as a harmless lie in my opinion. Honesty leads to trust and without trust you have nothing.

 

MD