Question for the OW on this forum

[Art_Critic]

But the value is lost when it's invaded by people who need to post moral statements in order to feel good about themselves, rather than share advice. Maybe there should be a separate preacher forum for them.

 

Yes and No.. it does depend on what they are saying..

 

But if you remember a post not to long ago about a woman that thanked all of us on LS that talked her into ending the affair..

 

Some of the people that were posting on her thread were people that were not OW or BS..

 

See it does work.. sometimes it is all in how the person receives the advice

[scarletletter]

My common sense would tell me that I would not want to come in a forum if I were a BS labeled OW/OM. It would only make me crazy. I don't know why they want to do it to themselves.

[travellingman]

But if you remember a post not to long ago about a woman that thanked all of us on LS that talked her into ending the affair..

 

Please, after the initial post, that thread degenerated into a self-congratulatory circle jerk.

 

This is supposed to be a self-help/advice site, not a political crossfire. People who have these odd urges to trumpet their morality across the Internet should start their own forum.

[scarletletter]

I particularly love the posts that tell me that I am wrong, I am commiting a sin, he will never leave his wife...they never do, where are your morals????

 

Hmmm....NEWSFLASH--we all know these things EXCEPT for "he will never leave his wife"...I know for a fact that it does happen! Like it or not....it DOES happen.

[Art_Critic]

Please, after the initial post, that thread degenerated into a self-congratulatory circle jerk.

Come On TM... That woman's life was changed from the advice she got on that thread..

 

There might have been a different outcome ( guaranteed ) if only OW were allowed to post..

 

By the sounds of it you think that the only advice that should be given is advice that the OP wants to hear..

If that is what the forum turns in to then that wouldn't benefit anybody..

 

Sometimes I can see where a poster is just looking for a pat on the back or hug.. but sometimes the the best advice isn't a pat on the back..

But they will get the pats or the hugs from other posters on the thread..

 

It is all good

[whichwayisup]

Some give good honest heart felt advice, some give their thoughts, harsh as it may come across, atleast from the most part, I'd look at it as someone took the time to answer. Good or bad. Just like everything else in life, take in what good advice you get and let the rest roll on by if one doesn't like it.

 

There are some OW who are really looking for help and don't mind brutal honesty, with respect ofcourse...But then afew OW post and are rude, and those are the threads that gain attention and reaction. Again, good and bad. Just like the recent post by 9lives. Noone really knows why she posted, other than to say she didn't like the small diamond ring she got from her MM. Well, people are allowed to have their thoughts, its a pubic forum and because it's public, anybody can reply.

 

I think too, it is great when someone comes back, (in any section, not just this one) to say thanks for the help and gives an update on how their lives have changed for the better.

[cal gal]

I found this site as a BS,

 

With that being said, I never bashed or criticized the OW's point of view, but rather took it as information to help me to move forward.

 

Never have I felt ill feelings for them portraying their perspective - as it is only knowledge that is helpful to move in a positive direction. No matter what your position in a marriage/family/friend realtionship.

 

I now enjoy all of the different topics and especially enjoy certain people when they post, as I see them as more enlightening and inspirational for a variety of reasons/enjoyment. Just like I would a very dear friend.... the encouragement and humor and knowledge is awesome.

 

[travellingman]

its a pubic forum and because it's public, anybody can reply.

 

But that doesn't mean we should drop our standards and let it turn into an outlet for people who are frustrated that no one offline will listen to them rant about their moral beliefs.

[scarletletter]

It seems to me (a BS) that the OW on this forum have a lot of anger towards us wives. Why is that? We haven't done anything to you. I (personally) have gained a lot of insight towards your situation(s) while visiting this forum.

 

I haven't felt judgemental towards you. However, the anger, bitterness, and condescension that I've received has blown me away, and I've seen a similar reaction toward other wives who've chosen to remain with their husbands after discovery of the affair. So. . . why is that?

 

If this is coming out in any way judgemental, it is REALLY not meant in that light. I am trying very hard to understand.

 

 

Okay...here is the original post...somehow we have gotten waaaay off track here. Is there anyone in this forum who has anger toward the wives??? Anyone?? I only recall one time that a poster put something about the wife being a bitch...that was a while ago. I am really interested in what she is talking about.....and what she is "trying very hard to understand."

[newbby]

Come On TM... That woman's life was changed from the advice she got on that thread..

 

There might have been a different outcome ( guaranteed ) if only OW were allowed to post..

 

By the sounds of it you think that the only advice that should be given is advice that the OP wants to hear..

If that is what the forum turns in to then that wouldn't benefit anybody..

 

Sometimes I can see where a poster is just looking for a pat on the back or hug.. but sometimes the the best advice isn't a pat on the back..

But they will get the pats or the hugs from other posters on the thread..

 

It is all good

art you seem to have this strange idea that all ow who post, are congratulating other ow on their affairs, and telling them "what they want to hear". this opinion stems from nothing. there are many ow who give sound advice.

in many ways you could argue that it is the ex ow who do not tell the ow what they want to hear, but rather, in the light of their own experience, warn the ow against affairs. in some ways the ex ow is even more anti affair than other people, but not for moral reasons. so perhaps it is the lack of moral preaching you have a problem with? even current ow, the majority of whom are actually extremely unhappy in the situation, tend to warn other people from getting involved with a mm.

of course the ow is more likely to take into consideration other possible outcomes of the situation, and this is not necessarily a negative thing. the ow are possibly more likely to treat the relationship just like any other, therefore the advice is geared more toward the individual case of each poster. alot of outside views tend to think of an affair as a non relationship, a joke. sometimes this is not the case at all and even if so, mockery of her relationship really doesnt allow the ow to take her feelings seriously, sometimes feelings that need to be carefully listened to.

i also think that often outside opinions are very useful. certainly the bs giving her side is enlightening to ow. even the judgements can thicken the ows skin to public opinions of her. however, there comes a point that it is taken too far, and nobody can really get the advice they seek, or even just discuss their relationship, without attack.

[Art_Critic]

art you seem to have this strange idea that all ow who post, are congratulating other ow on their affairs,

 

No Where in ANY of my posts do I say that.. Please DO NOT put words in my mouth.

 

I was responding to TM's idea that the OW/MM forum should be a closed forum and only some people should be able to post there

[newbby]

There might have been a different outcome ( guaranteed ) if only OW were allowed to post..

 

By the sounds of it you think that the only advice that should be given is advice that the OP wants to hear..

If that is what the forum turns in to then that wouldn't benefit anybody..

 

well, i DID NOT put these words in your mouth.

if i have misunderstood i apologise, but it is not the first time i have heard you say this.

[Art_Critic]

well, i DID NOT put these words in your mouth.

if i have misunderstood i apologise, but it is not the first time i have heard you say this.

You must've misunderstood..

 

because I still do not see where I have posted that " all ow who post, are congratulating other ow on their affairs "

 

Since I don't feel that way I don't know why I would've posted it

 

Again.. I was responding to TM's idea..and was critquing his view.. not putting forth my own directly

[newbby]

You must've misunderstood..

 

because I still do not see where I have posted that " all ow who post, are congratulating other ow on their affairs "

 

Since I don't feel that way I don't know why I would've posted it

 

Again.. I was responding to TM's idea..and was critquing his view.. not putting forth my own directly

i see...

well, then please accept my apologies.

however, you do seem to be of the opinion that ow only want advice that congratulates them or tells them what they want to hear. that all other advice is unwelcome and that this is the problem. so taking that one sentence out of my post, the other points are still valid.

[Art_Critic]

i see...

well, then please accept my apologies.

however, you do seem to be of the opinion that ow only want advice that congratulates them or tells them what they want to hear. that all other advice is unwelcome and that this is the problem. so taking that one sentence out of my post, the other points are still valid.

 

Actually.. Again.. I was responding to TM's idea about only allowing certain people to post on OW/MM threads ...

 

Peace Newbby...

 

Relax ... we are not on opposite sides here..

 

Thread derail over..

[newbby]

you are transferring. i am not angry or upset. i think its fairly easy to see how your words could be construed the way i did when you read all of your posts on this thread. i can see also that i could have misunderstood.

[CeeJayXXX]

I started onto this site looking to talk to and discuss my relation with my MM with SOMEONE.....as I belong to another site which does not accept discussion or allow advice to be given about affairs...

 

I have found it very interesting to read other's posts about their current and past situations. In reading these posts, it has allowed me to not only take advice of those who have posted but also to reread my own posts and see my unhappiness that I have been masking for so long.

 

I think it is great (for the most part) that OW and W's can discuss openly what happens on each side of the fence. To show hostility of any kind to a W (who was the one that put the blood, sweat and tears in to the relationship with her H) is the wrong way to take this forum.

 

I've only been around here for a few weeks, but appreciate all of the insight all of your posts have brought me.

[No Stress Lady]

art you seem to have this strange idea that all ow who post, are congratulating other ow on their affairs, and telling them "what they want to hear". this opinion stems from nothing. there are many ow who give sound advice.

in many ways you could argue that it is the ex ow who do not tell the ow what they want to hear, but rather, in the light of their own experience, warn the ow against affairs. in some ways the ex ow is even more anti affair than other people, but not for moral reasons. so perhaps it is the lack of moral preaching you have a problem with? even current ow, the majority of whom are actually extremely unhappy in the situation, tend to warn other people from getting involved with a mm.

of course the ow is more likely to take into consideration other possible outcomes of the situation, and this is not necessarily a negative thing. the ow are possibly more likely to treat the relationship just like any other, therefore the advice is geared more toward the individual case of each poster. alot of outside views tend to think of an affair as a non relationship, a joke. sometimes this is not the case at all and even if so, mockery of her relationship really doesnt allow the ow to take her feelings seriously, sometimes feelings that need to be carefully listened to.

i also think that often outside opinions are very useful. certainly the bs giving her side is enlightening to ow. even the judgements can thicken the ows skin to public opinions of her. however, there comes a point that it is taken too far, and nobody can really get the advice they seek, or even just discuss their relationship, without attack.

 

 

Well said Newbby.

[lovernotafighter]

I started onto this site looking to talk to and discuss my relation with my MM with SOMEONE.....as I belong to another site which does not accept discussion or allow advice to be given about affairs...

 

I have found it very interesting to read other's posts about their current and past situations. In reading these posts, it has allowed me to not only take advice of those who have posted but also to reread my own posts and see my unhappiness that I have been masking for so long.

 

I think it is great (for the most part) that OW and W's can discuss openly what happens on each side of the fence. To show hostility of any kind to a W (who was the one that put the blood, sweat and tears in to the relationship with her H) is the wrong way to take this forum.

 

I've only been around here for a few weeks, but appreciate all of the insight all of your posts have brought me.

I just signed up here as well. I haven't posted but read many many threads that reflect my own relationship with my MM...it has been most helpful to me to see both sides of the coin and realise that yeah my situation isn't different than anyone else's and it will just end up in pain for all.

 

I stumbled on this site during a NC with MM that ended up putting me on anti depressants and I felt I had no one who would understand my pain...this site helped me so much..I thank everyone ,W's and OW's for their insight and honesty aswell.