These fears are justified or......Nahhhhhh....??

[lucid]

This question has been plaguing me ever since I started to think something was up.....

 

 

This is kind of long, so I dont mind if you skim through it....

 

My BF of two years......we certainly have had our ups and downs....but mostly it was because of his suspicious behaviours, his vagueness and whenever I would confront him about things, he would deny and deny and then always have a backup excuse if the first one didnt pan out.........

 

Now, I am starting to wonder if maybe he might be bi sexual and I will tell you why:

 

First, let me tell you how I view him and how others view him and then the things I have witnessed.

HOW I VIEW HIM:

I cant explain him really, other than he is sort of cold and distant, and not very affectionate, especially in public. Sort of able to function without being too loving, I guess. Some men are just like that.

On occasion, he has been really attentive and loving for a week or so then it is back to the coldness. Follows the "young movement" as in current trends and styles, young attitude, young friends.

Very helpful and friendly, seems to like attention alot. Likes to help people. Has a mean sense of humor at times, sort of a mean streak in him.

Other peoples comments about him:

He is a real nice guy

good kid (he is 34 years old)

Wonderful person

He is sort of soft in the head (meaning he lacked the skills to pick up women)

He adores money

ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASSION I HAVE HEARD THESE COMMENTS ABOUT HIM:

**"when i first met him, i thought he was gay"

**"everyone thought he was gay at first because for 2 years he didnt have a GF..even though we brought plenty of women around, he never seemed really interested in them"

**"did you know when he was younger, he was gay" (then it was ha ha ha I am joking)

**"I dont know, I cant get a read on him, maybe he is gay"

**"He is a really strange man, he really seems to prefer his male friends, he is very strange, do you think he likes men"?

**"Its funny, because before you came along, I know it sounds mean, but I thought he was gay and I even asked my BF about him and he said that he is just having problems"

 

NOW, WHAT I HAVE WITNESSED AND BEEN THROUGH WITH HIM:

Something he said one day always stuck with me in the back of my head. One day we were going to meet his friends and he said "oh, if this person tells you that me and Tim are gay, dont pay attention to it, I think he is gay and he is trying to start problems" something to the affect of not paying attention to this one man if he should happen to say something because apparently this man had been teasing him about always hanging with this one other man all the time.

In the beginning, and towards the middle of our relationship, he would come to visit me and frequently in his pockets would be a couple of condoms....He said they were for us, however we never used them....also he started to become inconsistent with his times, coming over really late at night when he said he would be over at 4.

Towards the middle of the relationship, we moved in together, and there were alot of condoms laying around. If it were true, what everyone was saying, that he didnt have anything to do with women, what is with all of these condoms? Then I had the brilliant idea to count them and one day 4 were missing....he said it was for his friend, but why would his friend need 4?

He has this one friend that he makes plans to hang out with but all of a sudden the plans are called off when his friend knows I am coming. This has happened 4 times so far. We will be on the way there, and all of a sudden, we are turning around and going home because his friend "wont answer his phone"

Additionally, when his friend calls, he doesnt seem to answer the phone in my presence.

 

I learned once to never ask him about his preference when one day i blurted out that he was sneaking off to meet his "boyfriend" and he became enraged and told me to never talk about that again because it was borderline disrespect to him. Which I could understand because if my sexual preference was being questioned by someone I loved, I would feel hurt and wounded that they didnt know me better, or that i somehow came across as someone i wasnt.....

 

Am I just being paranoid for no reason? Does all of these things seem normal or should I be suspicious? I am too close to the situation to get an actual reading off of all this, I could just be percieving things wrong, or it just looks bad but it really isnt type thing........I welcome all feedback!! Thanks!!

[TeaCooler]

i think he had a little experimentalization goin' on and is covering his tracks. he would have no other reason to warn you.

[lucid]

I mean, i understand male bonding...but doesnt it seem excessive when you lie about hanging out with them???? Unless he doesnt want me to feel bad that he is not spending that time with me?? :eek:

[Mz. Pixie]

Everything has happened except for you catching him with male porn or in bed with a guy.

 

Come on, you know at the least he's bisexual. No way in hell is my man gonna have condoms that we never use!

[lucid]

Sure we had good intentions about using condoms in the first place, but somehow never made it that far....but to still carry them even when we dont use them and then to say "but we need to start using them" when i question why he has them on himself since we never use them and then when we get down to it, we end up not using them?? :eek:

 

I need some help on this...is there any way i could be blowing this out of proportion...because the thought of it maybe being true sickens me:sick: and i am wondering how i am going to get through the weekend.....HELP!

[lucid]

and what about those that know him wondering if he was gay in the first place???

 

and lately he has been VERY caring and loving, a far cry from how he usually is.....which is detached and distant.....

 

could it be he feels satisfied because he is getting it from both ends ???........ha ha ha pun and no pun intended! :lmao:

 

I have to laugh or i will cry...i keep thinking if it is true how stupid i will look to everyone else who knew it from the get go......

[AmItheOne]

I have seen your say "he is cold and distant" numerous times...why would you want to be with someone like that...gay, bisexual, or completely straight. I think that is the question you should be asking yourself.

[filarena]

I'm sorry, but I don't think you are overreacting. He takes the accusations way too personally, acts funny, and everyone else seems to think it. If my girlfriend refers to my best friend as my gay lover, teasing me because he and I are close, I laugh. And take the joke further. Because the idea of it is way too ludicrous to be insulted. I did once give condoms to a friend. And my girlfriend was at the same party and knew about it. I didn't have to hide it and come up with a story after she counted them. At the very least, he needs to be willing to acknowledge that you have legitimate reasons for being suspcious when he reassures you. Denials are about 10 times less believable when your partner tries to take away your right to be concerned in the first place.

[hyakku]

and what about those that know him wondering if he was gay in the first place???

 

and lately he has been VERY caring and loving, a far cry from how he usually is.....which is detached and distant.....

 

could it be he feels satisfied because he is getting it from both ends ???........ha ha ha pun and no pun intended! :lmao:

 

I have to laugh or i will cry...i keep thinking if it is true how stupid i will look to everyone else who knew it from the get go......

 

First off, are you in the relationship for yourself or other people?

 

Second, he may be. But that is NOT the way to approach it. You don't shout, "Going to see your boyfriend?" and expect a man NOT to be enraged. I'm a man I'll let you know a few things:

 

1. Being called gay, whether you are or not, is a huge insult, not because of liking other men, but because of the social pressure and social calamity it can cause.

 

2. It has such a negative connotation, that its almost as bad as calling someone by a racist name.

 

3. It IS disrespectful. Would you like for some guy to go, "oh going to go eat out Mary!?".

 

Now if you are really worried, the only way to work through this is to sit down and talk about it. Again you need to work this out (we don't know the guy), but acting solely on your emotions is a sure fire way to have you posting in the break up section.

[lucid]

:lmao:

 

"oh going to go eat out Mary!?".

:lmao:

 

Truthfully, I would laugh insanely at first, but of course I would find out if he was for real, if he really thought that I was going to have "Mary" for a snack....If I found out that he really had these fears i would put his mind at ease.....

 

I mean, dont I deserve my fears to be put at ease if it is not true???

 

 

I have seen your say "he is cold and distant" numerous times...why would you want to be with someone like that.

 

Because he has changed since I talked to him about it....And I quote:

 

and lately he has been VERY caring and loving, a far cry from how he usually is.....which is detached and distant.....

 

But as with most men, you talk to them about it, they change for a couple of days, a week if your lucky and then its back to the same old routine.....