sosuga Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I really need some advice...not doing so well. Basically, my bf and me were together for 2 years and then things got really bad...we were fighting a lot and he stopped making time for me so we'd fight even more. Eventually he ended it at the beginning of the summer and we didnt talk at all until fall. He asked for a second chance and I was so shell shocked I agreed, mostly since he seemed so much nicer and sweeter to me like he was when we first started dating. So that was a couple months ago that we got back together. On Valentines day we argued about some stupid stuff and didnt talk for a few days but it was him who came to me to apologize and talk about it. i thought this was a good sign that he still cares very much and doesnt want things to end again. Well this whole week has been bumpy for me. I feel really needy for some reason and I suspect its because he has pulled away from me. Lately I only hear from him once a day, if at all (like thru a text or something) and if I ask why he didnt call/respond to me he just says he was really busy (thanks alot). Today is friday and I was hoping it would get better so we could spend some quality time together. We saw eachother on weds and everything was good at least I thought it was. But it takes him HOURS to respond to me and it bothers me because I know he has his phone on him at ALL times and even when hes working he can respond (I know this because he used to call and SMS from work). I havent heard from him all day long and so i sent him a nice SMS when i knew he'd be at work just wishing him a nice day...with no response. This is really odd behavior for him. I dont know if he'll call me when he's off or not, but regardless I feel like a low priority to him right now and I feel like if I tell him that he'll get defensive. What can i do to fix this? Should I start acting really distant too? How do i do that when he's hardly talking to me to begin with? Please help Link to post Share on other sites
oss91 Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I don't know what you can do, but I feel as though I am in the exact same situation. She broke up with me a couple months ago and then came running back and begged for me to give her a second chance. I feel it may have been because I pretty much just ignored her and she sensed I was moving on, which I was. I agreed to try and work things out with her, but I feel as though I am the one making all of the effort. Seems like that should be the other way around, but who knows. I hate to play games, but I am almost to point of where I am going to purposefully pull back and play hard to get. Give her another example of what it's like without me around. Don't really have much advice I can give you. But that's a major red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Sorry to hear about your situation. You sound hurt and frustrated. The best advice I can give you is pull back, socialize, and pamper yourself. Give your bf something to wonder about. I know it is playing games but there are times where it is "needed". Dating and humans are strange creatures...so purposefully pull back; look, act, and appear more confident. Whenever he calls, sound happy and that you are busy with life. He will be intrigued. No one can resist a good-looking, happy, confident woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Should I start acting really distant too? Of course, but then that would be just playing the game. It'll work temporarily, but most likely just cause more problems later on. So for now... pull back just a little... DO NOT question his thoughts, feelings, where abouts. DO NOT beg to see him... DO NOT fish for answers and explanations. Just slowly pull back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sosuga Posted February 26, 2006 Author Share Posted February 26, 2006 DO NOT question his thoughts, feelings, where abouts. DO NOT beg to see him... DO NOT fish for answers and explanations. Just slowly pull back. Ok this I can do, and thank you Oss91 for showing that this happens sometimes with people.. Just visiting, I am trying to do this although its kind of a slow process to get in the groove of things that he doesnt seem to be chasing me any more. I hate that So I should wait for him to invite me out, wait for him to call me first, etc? I dont mean that literally, I'll still make plans and have a life but I wont be the one asking him to go out and that kind of thing. I know he has some important projects going on at the moment so I'm crossing my fingers that its just stress and irritability thats triggered from it hes showing to me. Perhaps when its over it'll get better, I don't know. We usually have predetermined plans w/ each other on weekends, should I start making plans otherwise to show him that I wont be sitting around waitng? Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 Just visiting, I am trying to do this although its kind of a slow process to get in the groove of things that he doesnt seem to be chasing me any more. I hate that Ok, I am very, very disappointed now that I've seen this statement. Typical woman!!! No wonder why you got problems.... It's all a game, I swear! Sheeesh... so disappointed. But you did manage to prove, women love to be chased and don't have a change of heart until they have to become the pursuer... BLAH! Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 Just visiting, I am trying to do this although its kind of a slow process to get in the groove of things that he doesnt seem to be chasing me any more. I hate that Ok, I am very, very disappointed now that I've seen this statement. Very much true, she pulled it the time away/NC on me and wondered why I didn't call her within a month. It is the chase that most women want, they also want confidence and initiative then run away. Quite fun and yet really a pain sometimes. Anyway we just started talking a few days ago and she is happy and in control. blah blah. It wasn't like that a week before. I said go have fun. Now she wants to have dinner, I said whatever. yet to have dinner. I "can't live with them and can't live without them!" argh!! Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 This guy sounds just like my ex. Even after I gave him a second chance he started to withdraw, making excuses for not picking up the phone for days and weeks at a time. Eventually he dumped me because he said he's "too overwhelmed to have a girlfriend". Ya, right. Link to post Share on other sites
cleo Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 sounds that your relationship is not gonna work. Dont prolong it . it will only make you frustated n confused. If i were you and if that day i knew what would have been happened, i would have broken up with him earlier. i was hoping that i could salvage the relatinoship,on the other hand the romance n love was not enough. i was wrong. the ending was terrible.if i knew,i would not gave him another chance and wasted my time, my energy, my emotion, my pain. i am sorry babe, it is not abt playing game, or acting hard to get. But, i think he will leave you and it may really end for good. thats my prediction. i am sorry to say this. But, for whatever reasons, just move on . I know, u love him. but it is not abt what u feel anymore. Sooner or later either you or him will give up on this. Babe... you will find someone who is right for you. But it is not him. Thats all i can say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sosuga Posted February 26, 2006 Author Share Posted February 26, 2006 This guy sounds just like my ex. Even after I gave him a second chance he started to withdraw, making excuses for not picking up the phone for days and weeks at a time. Eventually he dumped me because he said he's "too overwhelmed to have a girlfriend". Ya, right. oh my goodness he didnt call u for days or weeks? Holy smoke, yeah if it got that bad I'd let the poor idiot have his time without me, forever... He takes hours to get back to me which bothers me because often times I know he has his phone on him all the time. It dawned on me last night though, I think what he is doing is trying to put up a front and act more tough than he feels. For a long time he was"chasing" me and things werent getting better so perhaps he decided enough was enough and he'd just act aloof and see what effect it had on me. Because last night at dinner he says, so now you have to drink to be around me? (it seems he thinks I always have to be drunk to put up with him or something. its not that, but it helps me loosen up and not let things get to me when hes acting like this). I laughed it off but in the back of my head I thought...ah HA! you are scrutinizing things TOO! Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 sosuga, do you want someone who is okay with playing games with you? Because it sounds like that's what he's doing. My ex started off doing what your boyfriend is doing. When I dumped him, he came begging for a second chance. I gave it to him, and then after a few weeks of great, and days after meeting my whole family, he dumped me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sosuga Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 sosuga, do you want someone who is okay with playing games with you? Because it sounds like that's what he's doing. My ex started off doing what your boyfriend is doing. When I dumped him, he came begging for a second chance. I gave it to him, and then after a few weeks of great, and days after meeting my whole family, he dumped me. I dont want someone who plays games, not when you title it playing games. But I do want someone whos not a spineless moron who can wear the pants in the relationship once in a while. When he gets all sappy & clingy is when I start to distance myself. Its not that i do it on purpose, and in my conscious mind I dont want to be that girl, but it is how it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sosuga Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 last night at dinner he says, so now you have to drink to be around me? (it seems he thinks I always have to be drunk to put up with him or something. its not that, but it helps me loosen up and not let things get to me when hes acting like this). I laughed it off but in the back of my head I thought...ah HA! you are scrutinizing things TOO! Do you think this would be a correct assumption? Does it sound to you guys like he's acting like he has been on purpose, because that statement he made seems to indicate that he's worried I'm not happy with him or something. Link to post Share on other sites
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