doublestandard Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 First time posting...... Is there any logical reason for my girl to be calling/texting another man at 1,2,3 in the morning...? With the claim they are just friends.......cmon now How many can agree that anything after midnight is suspect to cheating? I have female friends but there's no way in hell I'd call them that late.....no reason...what could be so important? This happens more the 3 times a week....I found out the first time by checkin her phone.....confronted her,she denied...just friends blah blah 2nd time.....she's gettin calls @ 2am..her excuse....'oh he was drunk n needed 2 talk' 3rd time.....read her phone bill......new number dominating it....calls at 1am after talkin 2 me n sayin goodnight..... She calls him, 47 ****in minutes....wtf? I give up......am I trippin or is this justified to accuse her of infidelity? Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Not necessarily a sign of cheating, but I would be out of there quick. This kind of stuff can really mess you up badly. Save yourself a whole load of trouble and turmoil, take steps, long ones in the opposite direction. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 She is playing you and totally disrespect your relationship. It sounds like she has the best of both worlds: a loving boyfriend and a current or potential lover on the side. Don't put up with this crap. If the roles were reversed she would never accept such disrespect from you. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 She doesn't need to be receiving or making calls at 1, 2, 3 in the morning from no one really. Friends or not. I think its an excuse and sounds like shes playing you. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author doublestandard Posted February 25, 2006 Author Share Posted February 25, 2006 Ok....see I thought I was outta line but this kinda confirms neven w only 3 replies.....I alwas said,nothin goes on after midnight but dopedeals n botycalls.....its official....I fell in love with a hoe....n that hurts... I loved her to the fullest extent.. A relationship that surpassed all others.... **** that bitch,damn whore........... I need a drink........ The harder you fall.......the higher you bounce.... Damn Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 WOAH. You've gotta relax. You obviously haven't "fallen in love" or three replies from a post online would not have you breaking up with her. Second you would know how to COMMUNICATE. I have talked to female friends way past 12, sometimes at 1 and 2 in the morning, that doesn't mean we're going out, it means we were having a CHAT. Now sure it is suspicious, but the only way to find out is through COMMUNICATION, not getting angry at something that could potentially be harmless. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 WOAH. You've gotta relax. You obviously haven't "fallen in love" or three replies from a post online would not have you breaking up with her. Second you would know how to COMMUNICATE. I have talked to female friends way past 12, sometimes at 1 and 2 in the morning, that doesn't mean we're going out, it means we were having a CHAT. Now sure it is suspicious, but the only way to find out is through COMMUNICATION, not getting angry at something that could potentially be harmless. It might not mean shes actually cheating, but it does mean emotionally shes taking away from the relationship she has with her b/f, by talking with someone else. I'm not saying people can't have friends with the opposite sex but most of the time theres not a real good reason to be just chatting with someone else during that time of morning. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 It might not mean shes actually cheating, but it does mean emotionally shes taking away from the relationship she has with her b/f, by talking with someone else. I'm not saying people can't have friends with the opposite sex but most of the time theres not a real good reason to be just chatting with someone else during that time of morning. Jade Emotionally taking away? I think he's causing all the stress to himself. She could be very well cheating, but the way he's approaching it is all wrong. I mean if you are out at a club and you guys leave and they call up at 2 when im walking in the door, what's wrong with that? I mean, again, he may not feel comfortable about it, but maybe he should discuss it with her rather than saying, "Hey who the **** is this!?" or making it confrontational. Its human nature to put up defense, first talk calmly, if she is stumbling and messing up, THEN drop her. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Emotionally taking away? I think he's causing all the stress to himself. She could be very well cheating, but the way he's approaching it is all wrong. I mean if you are out at a club and you guys leave and they call up at 2 when im walking in the door, what's wrong with that? I mean, again, he may not feel comfortable about it, but maybe he should discuss it with her rather than saying, "Hey who the **** is this!?" or making it confrontational. Its human nature to put up defense, first talk calmly, if she is stumbling and messing up, THEN drop her. I didn't say he shouldn't communicate with her, becasue yes he should, but she is the one on the phone all hours with her male friend(s). Sure he could be cheating as well, but he came here with his side of what the issue is with her talking during the morning hours with male friends. Once again, I'm not saying people can not have friends with the opposite sex, but I am saying that shes putting emotional time/energy in chatting with male friends, while she could be putting that time in her relationship. And yes shes probably talking with these male friends becasue shes lacking something from her relationship with her b/f, because if she wasn't then she wouldn't feel the need to talk to them at 1, or 2 in the morning. And yes he needs to communicate things with her and find out whats going on for sure. I never said he shouldn't communicate. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 Go Jade!! Go Jade Go! Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 I didn't say he shouldn't communicate with her, becasue yes he should, but she is the one on the phone all hours with her male friend(s). Sure he could be cheating as well, but he came here with his side of what the issue is with her talking during the morning hours with male friends. Once again, I'm not saying people can not have friends with the opposite sex, but I am saying that shes putting emotional time/energy in chatting with male friends, while she could be putting that time in her relationship. And yes shes probably talking with these male friends becasue shes lacking something from her relationship with her b/f, because if she wasn't then she wouldn't feel the need to talk to them at 1, or 2 in the morning. And yes he needs to communicate things with her and find out whats going on for sure. I never said he shouldn't communicate. Jade Lol are we debating or just agreeing? I didn't mean HE was cheating, I just used the word "you" in general so that the reader caught me drift. Again, you're 100% right I'm not gonna disagree, like you and I said he just needs to communicate with her first instead of getting worked up over something that could poentially be nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 Go Jade!! Go Jade Go! LOL Wit Jade Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 Lol are we debating or just agreeing? I didn't mean HE was cheating, I just used the word "you" in general so that the reader caught me drift. Again, you're 100% right I'm not gonna disagree, like you and I said he just needs to communicate with her first instead of getting worked up over something that could poentially be nothing. I think we're agreeing. Hopefully he will do something about it by talking with her to find out what exactly is going on. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 She should be in the bed with you not on the phone with another man in the wee hrs of the morning . Something is going on and she is getting something from this man or she wouldn't continue to chat with him . She is getting an emotional connection from him and should be trying to get an emotional connection from you. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I think we're agreeing. Hopefully he will do something about it by talking with her to find out what exactly is going on. Jade ......and she'll just lie her pretty @ss off............ Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 ......and she'll just lie her pretty @ss off............ Not if he knows how to "question" her ... . Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Not if he knows how to "question" her ... . Ok Hyakku I am listening now.... How about a new thread? Hyakku's questioning technique to gain the truth, there is NO sarcasm in this, I would be very interested to read you thoughts on this. I consider myself to be a good communicator but very bad at drawing the truth out of people. How do you do it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author doublestandard Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 Thank you guys 4 all the advice bith good n bad.....I asked her calmly and reasonably if there is anything I shoould know....any male friends I should be aware of.....any other men in her life.....etc.....she flat out looked me dead in the eyes and denied it all....I gave her several chances to come clean....I didn't yell scream or become upset....I simply wanted to know what was goin on.....she looked me dead in the eyes and " lied her pretty little ass off" to quote one of you And know to quote the great bell biv devoe......"that girl is poison" 10months of one of the most remarkable love affairs I've ever had.....I could spend days on details that would make even a convict go "awwwwwwwww" I gave that girl everything and asked very little in return except honesty.....I'm a ****in good judge of character but this one got me.....man she got me.....I'm 27 years old and thought I had seen it all as far as games go.....really lookin to settle down and start somethin deeper than ever....and I made it very clear what I wanted and we talked extensively on what we were both lookin for....thought we were both on the same page....well we were....except we were reading different books... The agony and the ecstacy of love..... The bitch wouldn't even admit the phonecalls.....someone one told me "Never trust something could bleed for 5 days and won't die, Develop an attitude and could lie while starin me dead in my eyes" Not to sound like I'm woman bashin but I'm goin through it rigt now....didn't think I could get heartbroken again.....but hey This is my 1st thread on here...I'm sure I'll be back ....good people on here. Thanks again ya'll..... * on a another note.......we had lived together for 6 months.....what did we call our first place we got ? Ironically enough......"the love shack".....no lie....fate works in funny ways Thx again..... Double-Standard Aka Jay Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Some people are like that, they can look another dead in the eyes and lie, with no thought about it. She obviously can not be trusted and I'm sure you're better off without her. I know you're hurting etc, but hopefully time will help you to heal. Hang in there. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I know it is hard for what you are going through but in the long run you are very very lucky. Being with someone who can lie to your face without blinking an eye is absolutely toxic to you. Thank goodness you did not marry her. If you do not have honesty in your relationship then what do you really have? I am curious of what she said after you caught her lying to you about the other guy and the phone calls? It is sad that so many people are habitual liars. Don't feel bad it happens to everyone. I am a college professor and I thought I was an excellent judge of character. Boy was I wrong. I just ended a marriage of only 1 1/2 years and it cost me $300,000, new car and all the expensive jewerly I bought her during this short time. A person that lies permeates their entire character. I got played so welcome to the club but at least you did not marry her. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 she looked me dead in the eyes and " lied her pretty little ass off" to quote one of you Jay Well that was me. It gives me no great pleasure to know I was right. Jay, you have my thoughts, let it lay where it falls and walk away or you will go through the same pain I have endured/inflicted on myself for the last few months. Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Thank you guys 4 all the advice bith good n bad.....I asked her calmly and reasonably if there is anything I shoould know....any male friends I should be aware of.....any other men in her life.....etc.....she flat out looked me dead in the eyes and denied it all....I gave her several chances to come clean....I didn't yell scream or become upset....I simply wanted to know what was goin on.....she looked me dead in the eyes and " lied her pretty little ass off" to quote one of you And know to quote the great bell biv devoe......"that girl is poison" 10months of one of the most remarkable love affairs I've ever had.....I could spend days on details that would make even a convict go "awwwwwwwww" I gave that girl everything and asked very little in return except honesty.....I'm a ****in good judge of character but this one got me.....man she got me.....I'm 27 years old and thought I had seen it all as far as games go.....really lookin to settle down and start somethin deeper than ever....and I made it very clear what I wanted and we talked extensively on what we were both lookin for....thought we were both on the same page....well we were....except we were reading different books... The agony and the ecstacy of love..... The bitch wouldn't even admit the phonecalls.....someone one told me "Never trust something could bleed for 5 days and won't die, Develop an attitude and could lie while starin me dead in my eyes" Not to sound like I'm woman bashin but I'm goin through it rigt now....didn't think I could get heartbroken again.....but hey This is my 1st thread on here...I'm sure I'll be back ....good people on here. Thanks again ya'll..... * on a another note.......we had lived together for 6 months.....what did we call our first place we got ? Ironically enough......"the love shack".....no lie....fate works in funny ways Thx again..... Double-Standard Aka Jay Wait I don't understand, you still have no proof she is cheating, so what's going on? I mean how do YOU know she's lying, not what other people said? You said you questioned her, etc, and she said she hasn't been cheating, so what's going on? Did you all even break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 hyakku: If I were him I would break up with her now just for lying about the phone calls and txt messages. He is early in a relationship and she is already lying about talking with other men. He should get out now while the damage is minimum. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 This kind of thing may not be cheating, but it is the kind of thing that, once it happens, shows that the girl is not ready to be in a relationship with you. To me, there is no sense talking it out. The girl you want to go out with wouldn't be getting these text messages at all. Once this kind of thing happens, you just need to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author doublestandard Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 i tried and tried.....spoke with her calmly as possible and she still claims they're just friends...about 5 different guys...nightly calls all between 11pm-3am....mind you i work early in the am so i got to bed around 9pm... She claims she just calls to talk....i say bullisht...If i were to reviece a call at 3am from ANY female...there not too many things to talk about...what...the news...how was your day?...did you see such and such movie...NO WAY...it just dont happen...i cant see it. The fact that she originally denied it until i showed her how I knew really made me suspect...and everyone i talk too says no matter, it sounds awfully strange...i mean 2am 3 am....unless your buying drugs or on them there aint much to talk about.... i found it highly disrespectful...i wanted to try and remain friends because we came so close....but its too hard...Im changin my cellphone number to avoid the hassle of her tryin to explain...there isnt much to explain. i have female friends....i'd never ever ever call them at 3am unless it was an emergency, not to just say hi...it just dont sound right, i cant see any reason....Oh wait....Her other excuse..." Im usually drunk and want to talk" the past few days have been pretty painful....im dealin with it though ....readin your replies on her gives me some comfort in knowing im not 100% crazy and just a jealous insecure ass....i admit in being a bit jealous of her male friends, but only because she's callin them at rather odd hours of the night...Is there any valid reason to call another man at 2am whenyou have a boyfriend....claimin your bored and wanna talk? Shes 21..... Im 26....i guess she doesnt see the level of disrespect this has brought up....She claims they all have girlfriends...I say Bullisht.... Would any woman be ok with another female callin her man at 3am...HELL NO....if your layin in bed with your partner and the phone rings after midnight somethings up....those are bootycall hours...plain and simple I'm tryin hard not to take her back....she cries uncontrollable professing her love...but any woman would cry after losing me, i treated her ass like a damn queen...anything she wanted anytime anywhere...didnt let her walk allover me or anything, but i gave her the highest respect, loved her and tried to be all she needed...... it wasnt enough She denies ever having sex with any of them....I just cant find it in myself to believe her.....no one i talk to can...out of say around 22 people no including you guys....2 of them defend her...and there not exactly the people i'd take advice from, but i listened She wants to see me tomorrow to talk....i dont think i can do it....i'll end up giving in and takin her back and calling myself an idiot for ever thinkin anything was going on...yes...i still love her........as much as it hurts, i do i pray for the strength to move on....i havent been single in a long time, its gonna take some real adjusting to, i'll try and keep my mind and self busy to occupy the alone time.... i just cant get her out of my head Link to post Share on other sites
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