My unfounded jealousy, I know I'm wrong but can't avoid feeling it.

[Snefclarb]

Hi all,

 

I'm in a relationship with a girl whom I love, and who loves me. We've been together 3 years and came to uni together. However, I have unfounded feelings of jealousy towards other people (random nondescript people) - this is when she goes out to clubs without me (which happens a lot, I can't afford to go out most of the time and don't really like that scene... I am more into music that doesn't get played at those places).

 

She dresses up really nicely, looks very sexy, but my irrational thought process is that she does this and I don't get 'in on the action'. She looks great and my mind takes a wrong turn and ends up making me think that she's dressing up for other people and not for me, whereas I know she just likes to look good.

 

I suppose my problem differs from some peoples' as I know what's wrong with me, I know I'm not thinking rationally, but when I try to make myself see reason I can - it just doesn't make me feel any better. I know that this is a faulty thought process but it seems like I can't do much about it, so it's frustrating me.

 

I must add that I would not worry about her cheating on me, more that some guy would see her, come on to her, and not take no for an answer which could end up in her getting hurt. Also I'm not looking for responses telling me to go out with her, like I said before that's not really an option as I can't afford to (already pretty far in the red and I can't be going out if I want to get back on track).

 

Deary me, this is a very messy post. It's just my thoughts as I'm thinking them. I would be very grateful if anyone could give me some counsel. I've also probably missed out important details but I'm not really thinking straight right now.

 

Thanks for paying attention.

 

P.S. I think it's a bit silly how the forum automatically removed the word 'help' from my initial title of "My unfounded jealousy, I know I'm wrong but can't help feeling it."

[JadeStar]

The best thing to do is maybe get into some individual counseling for your jealousy issues. Maybe someone can help you put things in better prospective for why you feel the way you do. I imagine if you don't try to get ahold on it, then the jealousy will end up pushing her away and you may end up losing her.

 

 

 

 

 

Jade

[shell1162]

HI, reading ur posting made me think im not the only person who gets jealous i thought i was going crazy, i have crazy thoughts my mind does overtime thinking silly thoughts, we wouldnt be human if we didnt get jealous. I dont think going out as a couple to these clubs would make it work or make u feel any better, because truthfully it would only make u worse, maybe talk to her about things.

 

Jealously is a part of being insecure, im only just getting my head round the fact that oim insecure never been before, i think its because u love this person so much that u dont want to lose them, well thats how i feel, im so scared that my b/f will find someone else and leave me, but life is to short to think like that, u have one life dont waste it.

good luck.

ps when im feeling down i listen to the killers mr brightside,try listening to it.

[ehead]

I'm just going to throw something else out here ... perhaps this should be a warning sign that you two are not so compatible ?

 

I mean, I wouldn't want to date a girl that was going out to clubs all the time instead of spending time with me. Once, or possible twice a week is about all I could endure of this, jealousy aside. How a person spends their free time speaks volumes about them, and I'm at a point in my life where I'm not much impressed with those that spend a lot of time in the club/bar scene. If she were working out at the gym, cross country skiing, or writing the next great American novel that would be one thing.

 

I'm just not interested in people that want to dress up to impress others, drink, listen to load music, inhale smoke, and engage in meaningless chatter all night.

 

That's just not for me.

[Snefclarb]

It's not like that though ehead, she doesn't go out all the time, once or twice a week. She's not even 'dressing to impress' that much, more just dressing to fit in with her friends - her clothes could hardly be considered slutty.

 

As for us not being compatible I can't imagine that being the case, like I said we're perfectly happy otherwise and this is just a minor problem - still one I'd like to understand more though. I am also probably feeling it a bit more because for the first time we're living together this year, so when she goes out I'm on my own.