ambersbeenhurt Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Me and my boyfriend hve been to gether for about 11 months now. In our first month of going out he couldnt keep his eyes off of mariah carey. In our third month is the first time he hit me.the second time was during our fifth month. And for our first three months he was talking to a nasty tramp he used to sleep with:mad: And still from the begining to this day he has lied to me. like for enstance the first day he hit me he apoligized(oooo baby im so sorry it will never happen again.I swear on your life!)and he hit me again its been a bunch of lies but I love him and care about him with all of my heart but i dont know what i should do? Plz help? Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 My only suggestion is to call a domestic abuse hotline for yourself. If you are still interested in staying you have poor self esteem and may have patterns that are not healthy. Perhaps you grew up abused or saw it happen to your mother but something in you says it's OK and it is never OK. He will continue to hit you unless he is willing to go to anger management class. Obviously the choice is yours to stay or go. No one is all good or all bad but all it would take is one time or even a threat before I was out the door. This man will slowly destroy your happiness and joy. You'll live in fear, self hate and disrespect for yourself being treated that way. And again, the only one who can change it is you so pick up the phone and get help..... Link to post Share on other sites
yngv Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Previous post is spot on. Get help if you need to, but get OUT! It is not going to get better on its own, and this man needs help too. But for now, get out before you get seriously injured or worse. This is unacceptable behvior. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Agree with previous two posts. Get out and then start doing some soul-searching about why you'd want to love someone who hits you and cheats on you. Girl, you are better than that. Stand up for yourself by walking out. You're worth it. Be careful, though. You need to use your head and do some planning so you can stay safe. Abuse can worsen as you attempt to leave. Call a domestic violence center and ask for advice before you do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 if you like being treated like gargabe, as you currently are, stay with him. if not, your decision should be to get rid of him. why are you with anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Some people here can't understand loving someone like that because most of us think we deserve better. Something tells me you don't feel that way. I just want to add even if you think you deserve it, please call a hot line. Link to post Share on other sites
Candied-Heart Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Ha. I love how he can swear on your life but not his. In our third month is the first time he hit me This is when you should have left. Nobody should take such abuse. Love or not. I would leave this man. It's worth taking people's advice here and plan to leave him. There is plenty of men out there that know how to treat a woman. What's so great about this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Honey, this is an absolutely horrible situation and my heart goes out to you. This is too dangerous a relationship for you to stay in and I advise that you,leave. Once he has hit you, it is obvious what the pattern will be, it happens in many a relationship and will end badly. Did his behaviour change towards you for any reason? Did he show any abusive signs before this? It is not your fault at all that this has happened but it is now up to you to stop what he has started. Abusive relationships are not going to change. You need help and perhaps if you leave then he will realise that he needs help as well. Contact anyone in your local area who you think can help you, counsellor or a hotline, but get out before this gets any worse. He has assaulted you and cheated on you. This is getting worse and your guess is as good as mine to what he will do next. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 and he hit me again its been a bunch of lies but I love him and care about him with all of my heart but i dont know what i should do? Plz help? OMG OMG! Advice: Seek help! and I don't mean FREE help from here... cause there ain't enough free help here to cure you. Therapy, a counselor, a body guard....the police... geeez, call somebody as soon as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 You're toooo good for him. DUMP HIM!! Link to post Share on other sites
cherriesred Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 First time he hits you, turns into the second time he hits, turns into the first time he pulls you down the stairs by your hair, head butts you across the room, pushes you through a wall, chokes you......and each and every one of these incidents will be followed by crying apologies and promises that it was the last time, begging you to forgive him...... you see the first time you forgive him....he swore on YOUR life??? that he would never do it again, but he did, the second time you forgave by staying....you gave him permission to continue this very DANGEROUS behavior. For the most part, men don't choose to react in violent manner when angry, but this young man does......and each time could escalate(sp) in something far more dangerous to you. DOMESTIC ABUSE which is what is happening to you.....whether it happens every day, once a month.....or only a couple times a year....you should never be in fear for your physical safety when your man is angry. There is a pattern of abuse that you will see......think of it as a big circle.... starting with the honeymoon phase, where he is very attentive, loving, gentle, and apologetic and promises that it will not happen again, and he will change if following a violent outburst. then the tension build up phase - this can be hours, days or months - the abuser will start showing unpredicatable behavior, may make you feel bad, may threaten. then the explosion phase - this the fight that may lead to being hit, or kicked or any number of things including name calling and threats to leave you. then the denial phase - the abuser tries to minimize what they have just done If you hadn't upset them, or they couldn't help themselves..... right back around to the honeymoon phase....... GET OUT now.....or at the very minimum seek help......Abuse will only get worse if you continue to give him permission to slap you around by staying. Link to post Share on other sites
sazzya1987 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Me and my boyfriend hve been to gether for about 11 months now. In our first month of going out he couldnt keep his eyes off of mariah carey. In our third month is the first time he hit me.the second time was during our fifth month. And for our first three months he was talking to a nasty tramp he used to sleep with:mad: And still from the begining to this day he has lied to me. like for enstance the first day he hit me he apoligized(oooo baby im so sorry it will never happen again.I swear on your life!)and he hit me again its been a bunch of lies but I love him and care about him with all of my heart but i dont know what i should do? Plz help? How can you possibly love someone who treats you like this? You were right to realise that you need help which is probably why you came on here to seek advice. I think you need to get out of this relationship, if he loves you then he will change his ways for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 if he loves you then he will change his ways for you. *NEWSFLASH* If he loved her, then he never would've hit her in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
sazzya1987 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Sorry, I didn't think about that Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I've been in abusive relationships. It's not about not loving. It's about an indivdual, the abuser, who is unable to express love without violence. Incapable of it, actually. Usually they experienced abuse themselves, which can be to such a severe degree that it causes permanent brain damage. Sometimes there is concurrent substance abuse which aggravates the problem. But regardless of the whys, you need to find ways to establish independence, foster self-esteem, and focus on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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