lets say they come back

[UT_longhorn]

if your ex came back to you...begged, pleaded, and pined...would you play hard to get? and if so, is that considered a game?

[coasting]

I don't think I would play hard to get...But I would take it very cautously.

I am kind of in that situation at this moment...He wants to meet face to face to talk about things.....I am scared to death of being hurt again, so I am weighing everything out as it comes!

[witabix]

I think by definition the phrase "play hard to get" implies a game of sorts.

 

I would not play hard to get. I would not talk unless she had something new to say to me. I doubt I'd get the begging/pleading bit anyway, I'd hate that myself.

 

If there is nothing new to say, I fail to see the point in communicating in this situation.

[Onwards]

I wouldn't necessarily 'play hard to get' but I would be honest.

 

I would ask my ex what had changed, and what steps she had taken to ensure that the same thing wouldn't happen again.

 

This would be a two-way process however, and I would share with her what I thought had changed about ME to ensure the same thing wouldn't happen again.

[Dinnj1]

lets say they come back

 

they come back!

[jerbear]

they come back!

argh!!!!

 

I second prior LS'ters. and add that I would be cautious, more independent and know what I want going forward.

 

I think IF they come back, the communications should be kept open.

 

whoa, I just saw a bunny rabbit larger than a full sized pug; on tv. anyway...

[Dinnj1]

argh!!!!

 

what's the problem?

 

Ok, real advice...

Advice: Yes it would be considered playing a game. A game that must be played. Only because if he/she broke up with you, hurt you in the process with a complete lack of consideration for your feelings AND you welcome them back with open arms... then chances are, IT WON'T WORK! And then we'll be seeing you back here real soon on LS complaining that he/she has no respect for you. Anyone who has to resort to games to keep the relationship going, is playing in a relationship that is ultimately.... doomed. Kinda goes around like a big circle, no? No winners here... If you play, you eventually lose, if you walk away, then you're alone. Best bet for the long run... Don't accept them back. Breaks up are exactly what they are....a break up. One other thing plays a factor in this... Are they coming back after sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry?

 

 

better jerbear?

[Simons]

if your ex came back to you...begged, pleaded, and pined...would you play hard to get? and if so, is that considered a game?

 

No I would not take her back if she left me to another man.

 

All i want is her to want me back, after that, i'll be all good. The truth is, it gonna take a whole lot more to have the relationship work again.

 

To make things worse, she is like a gum that has been chewed by another dude.

[CaliGuy]

I probably wouldn't unless she changed signficantly and in the case of my Ex and how she left me I probably wouldn't take her back, even if she had. She's selfish and cruel and deserves whatever fate is in store for her.

[luvtoto]

if your ex came back to you...begged, pleaded, and pined...would you play hard to get? and if so, is that considered a game?

 

Well, my X-fiance has come back in my life on more of a FT basis lately. We broke up two-ish years ago. Even after our share of arguments, we've remained very special to each other. I even called him crying about "Mr. he made me love him" guy (previous post). I thought we progressed our relationship to "just friends". But, it's just weird, whenever we are together...sparks fly!!! Ya think that after all this time we'd just move on, but, it's obvious that we are still very much in love with each other.

 

Anyways, back to your question about playing hard to get. I think, once you're comfortable with the person and you can start building on your relationship, it's time for the whole challenge deal to be over with. At least, that's how it feels between us.

[Ariadne]

if your ex came back to you...begged, pleaded, and pined...would you play hard to get? and if so, is that considered a game?

 

No, I wouldn't play hard to get.

 

If I still loved him I'd be thrilled, and if I had fallen out of love I'd be thinking, what a shame.

 

Ariadne

[jerbear]

what's the problem?

 

No problem, it just depends on the situation on the breakup or separation.

 

better jerbear?

 

almost always better without them as depends on breakup situation. I have not taken anyone back. ONe did call recently and I turned her down big time. She was getting a divorce, has 2 kids and found out I had a nicer car, grad degree, "better life", has a steady job, not a druggie so she wanted to see what I was up to.

 

To make things worse, she is like a gum that has been chewed by another dude.

 

I was watching a online flash app that my teenage cousins were watching; it talked about certified pre-owned cars. It then ended up with a thing on divorced people. "Certified pre-f**ked." I thought it was somewhat funny, yet in very bad taste. I being never married would marry a widow or divorced woman. Back to the point, reminded me of that online flash app in regards to "certified pre-f**ked"

[jerbear]

if your ex came back to you...begged, pleaded, and pined...would you play hard to get? and if so, is that considered a game?

 

No, I wouldn't play hard to get.

 

If I still loved him I'd be thrilled, and if I had fallen out of love I'd be thinking, what a shame.

 

Ariadne

 

I wouldn't play hard to get but it would be back to square 1 & half sort of speaking.

 

If I was the dumper; I would or should expect her ripping me a new one. If I was the dumpee and it was recent, I would be thrilled and happy. Now if I had lost hope, healed, given up, or whatever reason. It would be nah, go away, not worth my time. Not even a companionship issue, shame, or sympathy; just move on with life. Hard to say and do but it has got to be done.

[skeptik224]

I'm not sure if I would take her back. (as much as I want her back) She has to do a lot of emotional growing up. If we were to try to get back together, she'd need to know that if it didn't work out, there would be no 3rd chance. We'd have to talk about a lot of things...things that can definately be worked thorugh. Neither of us cheated, and although she's been with others since, I do understand why. I guess it would depend on how much time had gone by and how much growth she had done.

[Ariadne]

Hey you again,

 

If I was the dumper; I would or should expect her ripping me a new one.

 

Most likely. Now you know her. Like that story of a guy and a snake. The snake asked him to carry her because she was ill. He said, no, you are going to bite me, no I won't, yes you would, no I won't... After a while he agreed and then she bit him. You said you wouldn't! he said, well, you knew I was a snake, said the snake.

 

If I was the dumpee and it was recent, I would be thrilled and happy. Now if I had lost hope, healed, given up, or whatever reason. It would be nah..

 

Yep, that's exactly what I'd feel.

 

I remember a guy I had a crush on some time ago. I begged him to talk to me but he'd just ignore me. So I told him he was going to come back when I didn't care... Well, he did, and it was such a shame because I'd have been ecstatic to hear from him before. I couldn't care less then and I had a crush on someone else.

 

(Actually another came back when I didn't care, my first love in hs, I dreamed with his kiss for years and years... It never came, until one day when he walked me home and then asked if he could kiss me, I said ok, "the so awaited kiss," and I didn't feel a thing )

 

Ariadne

[oss91]

I honestly don't know, even though I'm right in the middle of a second chance. I think I naturally play hard to get - I'm independent, unattached, etc. However, I felt (feel) as though maybe I've been making it too easy on her, and so when I saw her last I was kind of distant and aloof. Admittedly, I did this on purpose, but then again, I have never been the touchy-feely type. Now, within the past 24 hours, she is "frustrated" and "trying to figure things out". Don't know what that means, but I'm not really too concerned. Have fun.

[batesal]

lets say they come back

if your ex came back to you...begged, pleaded, and pined...would you play hard to get? and if so, is that considered a game?

 

 

I am really not sure what I would do. I do not consider it a game because you know what happens to a dumpee will happen to a dumper worse. I would probably tell her that the only way I was to take her back would be that I would have to meet all her guy friends and if any of them tried anything with her that I would leave, becuase basically she left me for one of them and it still hurts 2 months later. She would have to show me why I should trust her, and not only that prove that she is trustworthy. Do I still love her?? Of Course I do. But that doesn't mean I want her back, it would take ALOT of time for me to have her back..

[bluetuesday]

if your ex came back to you...begged, pleaded, and pined...would you play hard to get?

 

nope. i'd play impossible to get.

 

it ended. his loss. NEXT!

[Extra Truth]

Hi, 5.5 months after breakup, and still messed up. I'm hearing through back channels she wants to be friends, but still has anger. She was surprised to hear I've been writing songs, and having fun---a friend of hers since childhood, and previous fling, has been my wingman the last couple of months, and on occassion talks to her. So, he says that this news took her aback since I never made music with her--she was quiet when she heard I was giving out my number. She says she is happy with a new guy of a few months, that he left a bartender to see her exclusively, so she and he says, and that was as big dea since I had been dishonest, but I have learned that lesson bigtimel. This friend says I have a chance with her again but that I have to play my cards exactly. Games! Someone said here that any relationship that has a game within is doomed, so breakups are final. How does that account for the fact that some people do reunite? I really would love to here how couples deal with the fact they have slept with someone else in betwen. Personally, I feel like sleeping around just to even up the score in case we were to have a chance, but I can't do it, and that would be just ego. Certified pre-fu#@ed, indeed. It's only sex, so why does it affect me so much?

 

The problem of getting back together for me is that she's been with another man. It shouldn't matter that much, if I am actively pursuing sex myself (although, I can't fulfill the deed, my heart isn't into, nor my libido, and time, and NC are not helping at all). I am angry at her. I know I've changed for the better. I would want her to work hard to get me back, and maybe even feel some pain, but I am told that is just ego. I love her, but I am trying to figure out how to deal with the fact she has been with someone else because he offered no drama, and they are totally honest. Getting back together would definitely be dramatic. I so want to short circuit those two now, but I'm told to play cool and wait until he messes up, but he's not messing up. And, finally, by the time he does, I may lose all hope. I so want to drive over to her place right now and talk so we have closure, or maybe further talks.