What can I do?

[Bill]

I've been with a girl for 2 years now. I'm 19 and she's 17. I'm in college right now for Electrical Engineering specializing in control systems (rocket science), but this does not help me in relationships. My college is close to home so I am not far from my girlfriend; I'm only about 1.5 miles away. Anyway, to the point...

 

 

 

About 3 months into our relationship she told me flat out that she was talking to some guy online (like an online b/f). She said that she would stop. 6 months later (9 months into rel.), she was acting weird and I got a funny feeling that she might be talking to guys online. I felt this way because she was upto 4am and was always typing while I was on the phone with her. She would never ever put my name in a public place (such as an Aol Instant Messenger) profile, even though I had hers in mine. I hacked into her email and found emails from some other guy. These emails were about how they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, how they love each other, etc. I told her about this and she cried and after a discussion about never to do this again she said ok. About 3 months later the same thing happened. Then, in January 2001 she told me she was going to a mall (one that was far away) with a friend. Later that night, I got a message from some guy on AIM. Immediately, my girlfriend messaged me and told me to ignore this guy. I did not. I talked to him and he told me that she went and saw him! She even kissed him. Not only that, but she also sent him naked pictures of herself a week earlier with the digital camera I bought for her at Christmas.

 

 

 

I talked with her again, and everything seemed fine. Then I found out in June that she was on sites like "facelink.com" and stuff like that. Guys were emailing her left and right. I told her to take it down.

 

 

 

I am really lost her and don't know what to do. She always yells at me for the simplist things. Sometimes she is mean to me. For example, she told me 2 weeks ago that she cannot go out because her parents won't let her leave the house. I found out later that she went out with a friend when she was supposed to go out with me.

 

 

What can I do with her? I do love her. I've been with her so long. I'm not a social person, I'm anti-social to be exact. She is my first girlfriend I ever had. She has had a boyfriend before me. Her other boyfriend raped her. I would never do such a thing. I am always buying stuff for her, and taking her out. For our 1 year anniversary I bought her a $800 tanzanite necklace. Whenever I talk to her about how upset I am about the things that have happened she says, "You're not gonna break up with me are you?" and starts to cry. Her parents like me a lot. They know that she's done a lot of bad stuff, but they do not know to what extent. They also go through her email. I don't go through her stuff anymore since January, because she has told me nothing is going on. I recently asked if she could put my name in her AIM profile. She said no.

 

 

 

What can I do?

 

 

I'm really really lost here.

 

 

Next summer I'm leaving for my Junior and Senior year of college, and her college is right across the street when I to the other Campus.

 

 

 

Please help

 

 

RSVP

 

 

-Bill

[liz]

Bill,

 

She's got some issues, it seems... one of which is committing to you. I suspect it has to do with her age.

 

She's lied to you a number of times now. Can you still trust her? Should you? Has she shown that she is trust-worthy? I don't think so and if you think otherwise, I'm afraid you are kidding yourself. Without trust, you have nothing.

 

You may think you are anti-social, but you have yourself on path to a good career. You'll meet people with similar interests and then it all works out. You don't need this in your life right now.

 

May I recommend that you tell her that you have a lot on your mind with school and all and that you can't also wonder about whether or not she's lying to you or talking to other men. Tell her that you think it would be best if you both took a break from each other and see if there's anything left to salvage.

 

I know you'd rather have it all work out now, but Bill, it takes two people to make a relationship work. YOU are doing all the work in this one. Let her go.

I've been with a girl for 2 years now. I'm 19 and she's 17. I'm in college right now for Electrical Engineering specializing in control systems (rocket science), but this does not help me in relationships. My college is close to home so I am not far from my girlfriend; I'm only about 1.5 miles away. Anyway, to the point... About 3 months into our relationship she told me flat out that she was talking to some guy online (like an online b/f). She said that she would stop. 6 months later (9 months into rel.), she was acting weird and I got a funny feeling that she might be talking to guys online. I felt this way because she was upto 4am and was always typing while I was on the phone with her. She would never ever put my name in a public place (such as an Aol Instant Messenger) profile, even though I had hers in mine. I hacked into her email and found emails from some other guy. These emails were about how they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, how they love each other, etc. I told her about this and she cried and after a discussion about never to do this again she said ok. About 3 months later the same thing happened. Then, in January 2001 she told me she was going to a mall (one that was far away) with a friend. Later that night, I got a message from some guy on AIM. Immediately, my girlfriend messaged me and told me to ignore this guy. I did not. I talked to him and he told me that she went and saw him! She even kissed him. Not only that, but she also sent him naked pictures of herself a week earlier with the digital camera I bought for her at Christmas.

 

I talked with her again, and everything seemed fine. Then I found out in June that she was on sites like "facelink.com" and stuff like that. Guys were emailing her left and right. I told her to take it down. I am really lost her and don't know what to do. She always yells at me for the simplist things. Sometimes she is mean to me. For example, she told me 2 weeks ago that she cannot go out because her parents won't let her leave the house. I found out later that she went out with a friend when she was supposed to go out with me. What can I do with her? I do love her. I've been with her so long. I'm not a social person, I'm anti-social to be exact. She is my first girlfriend I ever had. She has had a boyfriend before me. Her other boyfriend raped her. I would never do such a thing. I am always buying stuff for her, and taking her out. For our 1 year anniversary I bought her a $800 tanzanite necklace. Whenever I talk to her about how upset I am about the things that have happened she says, "You're not gonna break up with me are you?" and starts to cry. Her parents like me a lot. They know that she's done a lot of bad stuff, but they do not know to what extent. They also go through her email. I don't go through her stuff anymore since January, because she has told me nothing is going on. I recently asked if she could put my name in her AIM profile. She said no. What can I do? I'm really really lost here. Next summer I'm leaving for my Junior and Senior year of college, and her college is right across the street when I to the other Campus.

 

Please help RSVP -Bill

[yes]

I agree with Liz, Bill. Let her go, totally. Not worth it to stay in a crappy relationship just because u'r afraid of not finding a new gf soon enough.

 

good luck!

Bill, She's got some issues, it seems... one of which is committing to you. I suspect it has to do with her age. She's lied to you a number of times now. Can you still trust her? Should you? Has she shown that she is trust-worthy? I don't think so and if you think otherwise, I'm afraid you are kidding yourself. Without trust, you have nothing. You may think you are anti-social, but you have yourself on path to a good career. You'll meet people with similar interests and then it all works out. You don't need this in your life right now. May I recommend that you tell her that you have a lot on your mind with school and all and that you can't also wonder about whether or not she's lying to you or talking to other men. Tell her that you think it would be best if you both took a break from each other and see if there's anything left to salvage. I know you'd rather have it all work out now, but Bill, it takes two people to make a relationship work. YOU are doing all the work in this one. Let her go.

[Tony T]

How many times does this girl have to jerk you over before you move on down the road???

 

It's basic psychology. If you keep letting her get away with this stuff and staying with her, she'll keep right on doing it. She's a child, for Pete's sake. She's got lots of years before she's grown up. She has shown you plain and clear she can't be trusted under any circumstances.

 

So I don't feel sorry for you at all. If you're going to just stick around and let her walk all over you, you deserve every bit of hurt she dishes out.

 

She has also made it so very plain and clear that she plans on continuing to jerk you around and make a fool out of you...and you even have to ask about this situation???????

 

So you're going to college? There are so many wonderful, nice, educated, classy chicks on campus, why would you even want to give this little worm a second thought?

 

You'll learn some day.

[Dragonflys]

I don't think she is in any state to have a healthy relationship with you at all. There is nothing at all you can do, she is running around doing all sorts of things behind your back but selfishly keeps you around. And another thing, spying on someone elses emails is a SERIOUS invasion of a person's privacy, that is a very low thing to do and is behaviour that shows you have little respect for yourself and no trust in her.

 

You need to get away from this selfish girl and work on getting your life together and getting some respect for yourself. Spend some time around friends, and leave this girl alone. You must stop mistaking pity for her as an excuse to try and get her to love you. That is very unhealthy.

[sparkle]

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this girl is NO GOOD FOR YOU. YOU shouldn't even have wasted your time writing this post. You should know the answer by now. DUMP HER BUTT, GET AWAY, AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

 

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ.

 

I thought you electrical engineering majors were a lot smarter than this.

[witchbreed]

Dear Bill

 

By all what you tell here, your gf has some serious troubles, by what you know she has already been in an abusive relationsship and she might have been abused (emotional neglect, abuse or sexual abuse) as a child or young teenager. Then flirting can become a power tool to revenge oneself, abusing others and oneself through it and it can be addictive. I would recommend for both of you to go to counseling. You said that you are not a social person and through this you might be kind of dependent on her and she knows then, that she can get away with "murder". I dont think that she is a "bad" person, but that both of you do need help. I dont know if counseling will mend your relationsship, there is a chance though, but at the very least it would help to find yourself.

 

Wish you all the best.