Self-Defeating Habits

[unimoko]

How do you get yourself out a rountine that you know is dysfunctional and you know the end result?

I mean you can read all the self-help books you want, spend tons of $$ in therapy, gripe endlessly to friends. Only to discover you have all the insight but have no escape plan.

How do you get out?

[a4a]

You make a choice and you do it.

[blind_otter]

That's pretty much it. All the preparation can be laying a foundation or the procrastinator's dream come true. It's helpful to sit down and force yourself to be with your emotions, experience them without defensive reaction, to understand why a reluctance to make the extra effort and extra steps to make plans reality are occuring.

 

What fear is keeping you from following through. How do you face your fear?

[unimoko]

I think that is the root of all setbacks. You know that this thing isn't working out for you but you are afraid because its all you know. Its your reference point. And all the logic, insight, and wisdom does not do a thing.

I was reading this book called "Too late smart, too soon old" and one of the chapters was title "It is difficult to remove something with logic that was not placed by logic in the first place"

Funny, really. Maybe what I am saying is how do you get over the fear?

[Outcast]

You have to want the desired outcome more than anything else. You won't get slim until you WANT it badly. You won't quit a bad habit until you WANT to badly.

[blind_otter]

how do you get over fear? I have to disagree that it's related to the strength of desire. I've done that millions of times with dismal results. You have to face it, simply. Sometimes visualizatino helps but ultimately, you have to stand before it unafraid. Or at least, not letting them see you afraid. hah.

[unimoko]

Is it true that we only being to change is when we hit rock bottom?

I was talking to a friend about it and she was saying what is wrong with hitting rock bottom. There is noway to go but up?

I don't know. Everytime I think that I have it figured out, there is always something else to contemplate.

[blind_otter]

We are only motivated to change when the consequences of self-defeating or self-harming behavior are severe enough to make an individual unable to tolerate living in those circumstances any longer.

 

I've been on the bottom and there defiantely IS something wrong with it because if sucks. Living out of your car, homeless, no friends, no family to support you, all alone, with nothing but your self-defeating behavior to keep you company? Hah. I encourage your friend to try it out and see how she likes it.

 

PS - you'll never figure everything out. Until you're dead.

[unimoko]

I agree rock bottom is some scary stuff. My friend is a Somali Refuge, so to her I guess as long as you have somewhere at night to lay your head and a bit of food to eat that you are okay. She says that America is paradise, the land of milk and honey.

But I digress....So you have to want it bad it enough, that's how you change? With all the scraps and the bruses along the way.

I wonder why on a sub-conscious level we fight change so much? I guess I am just going through the growing pains. Because in all honesty I have been improving. I have been at work on my addiction for 3 years now. And its so funny that along the way other issues that I did not even think was a problem came along on the way.

How complicated us humans are....

[blind_otter]

I wonder why on a sub-conscious level we fight change so much? I guess I am just going through the growing pains. Because in all honesty I have been improving. I have been at work on my addiction for 3 years now. And its so funny that along the way other issues that I did not even think was a problem came along on the way.

How complicated us humans are....

 

You fight change because it takes you away from your comfort zone -- what you know, even if it's painful, is less frightening than what you don't know/aren't used to. And your entire self-concept can change dramatically.

 

Being a refugee isn't exactly hitting rock bottom, because you're not there because of the choices you made, or the actions you did/didn't do....it's apples and oranges. On the one hand you are victimized and traumatized by forces greater than yourself. On the other, you are victimized and traumatized by the stupid mistakes/decisions you made all by yourself. The scenarios are not comparable.

[unimoko]

Addiction is a weird animal.

Sometimes it developed as a coping mechanism in a dysfucntional/trumatic environment, other times its used to mask pain (another coping strategy), and other times we are just biologically disposed to it.

And its crazy that you do not really realise its an addiction into it becomes unmanageable and starts to destroy your life.

Falling down is so much easier than climbing up.

[blind_otter]

well yeah. it's alwasy easier to throw downhill, ain't it? they always say that in baseball....

[Art_Critic]

well yeah. it's alwasy easier to throw downhill, ain't it? they always say that in baseball....

 

 

Or just throw down... Scabs the clown wants to show you Mr Wiggles.. You game ?

[blind_otter]

Or just throw down... Scabs the clown wants to show you Mr Wiggles.. You game ?

 

bring it. woodworker.

[sad girl mad girl]

slowly take the steps you need

watch yourself move towards your goal

don't be upset with yourself if you fall get up and keep looking to your goal

look on the bright side of your situation once you make it you will help others in your situation it is lifes journey

[sad girl mad girl]

take action today

it's a small step and the next few days are more small steps

keep your eye on where you want to be and keep moving towards it

be kind to your self if you fall just get up and keep moving

you are stronger then you realize

[Poconobob]

How do you get yourself out a rountine that you know is dysfunctional and you know the end result?

I mean you can read all the self-help books you want, spend tons of $$ in therapy, gripe endlessly to friends. Only to discover you have all the insight but have no escape plan.

How do you get out?

 

 

IF as it is said... IF it is to be, it is up to me... that about sums it up. Now how to do that involves what psychology calls "cognitive thinking" behavior readaptation. To change a routine, first set and write short term goals, NOT HUGE ONES, just ones that are attainable, exercise as in walk around the block if weather permits, if not do the mall. Make a daily plan from sun up to sun down. get plenty of sleep, NOT DURING THE DAY... volunteer, stay active, do someting different, change and never go back to the old ways.

 

Now, in the therapy, you WILL relapse and fall back into patterned behavior but don't let it stagnate, instead get right back on track.

 

There is so much to do, and if you are a computer addict, turn the sucker off...

 

bob

[PYT]

How do you get yourself out a rountine that you know is dysfunctional and you know the end result?

I mean you can read all the self-help books you want, spend tons of $$ in therapy, gripe endlessly to friends. Only to discover you have all the insight but have no escape plan.

How do you get out?

 

When I was young I was a worrywart which led to social anxiety, panic attacks, depression and unhealthy addictions. People used to tell me not to worry so much but never told me how to stop worrying! It was a vicious cycle until I was turned on to CBT which stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It taught me the exercises I needed to do, to overcome most of my problems and build my self confidence. Unlike most self-help it is not so much about insights but rather about finding the thinking errors you are making that cause your problems and then changing them. You only get out of it what you put into it but is well worth any effort you put into the exercises. It's not easy and just learning the exercises won't be of much value you need to do them, especially the TEA forms, everyday until the new ways of thinking become natural to you. Go to your local library and check out a book by Sam Obitz called Been there, Done that? DO THIS! an insider's guide to overcoming your dysfunctional past, it is an easy introduction to cbt. If you dedicate yourself to doing the exercises I think it will change your life in similar ways that it has changed mine. Good Luck!