Author missC Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 Mariella, Good luck to you! I hope it all works out with your second chance. I do still love him but I don't think a second chance is on the cards for me. He has said nothing but "can I say hello" (if he happens to see me somewhere). He hasn't asked to meet up or anything like that so I really don't believe that there is anything to this contact. Our situations are different in that I don't think that he has spent our time apart regretting his decision as I think he left me for someone else. And also he has a very demanding job that would give him very little time to think about me even if he did still feel something. He also gave no specifc reasons for wanting to break up, just the usual "it's not you, it's me", blah blah blah! so this and the suddeness of it leads me to believe that someone else was involved - I think if they leave you for someone else, there's never much of a chance that they will come back. I am going to carry on as I was and pretend that this contact never happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missC Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 Things just get weirder! a week and a bit after the last email from my ex, I get an email from someone I used to work with who I have not seen or spoken to for well over a year now. He, very occasionally, sees my ex through his job. He told me that my name had cropped up a few times lately (!) and that he had seen my ex and that he is "still single" (I assumed he had left me for someone else but wasn't sure) but doesn't see him too much as he must be out shopping because "he needs a whole new wardrobe" - not sure whether this comment was designed to make me feel guilty because my ex left all his clothes at my flat and has never once asked to pick them up - either through cowardice or guilt. When we split up, I could not have been nicer about it, I never once called him names or raised my voice and was only kind to him about the situation (don't ask me why as he didn't deserve it) and I never gave him a reason why he couldn't pick his stuff up - in fact, I was extremely accommodating about the whole situation!, so it hurts me to think that he might be telling people that I refused to let him get his stuff and now has to go out and buy news clothes (poor thing!) and it makes me wonder whether he is telling other lies about me to excuse walking out on me so suddenly. anyway.....it feels like a conspiracy to stop me moving on. Just as I am getting on with my life and happy (enough), I get these emails out of the blue from my ex and now get one out of the blue from someone else I haven't seen for ages telling me stuff about him. what's going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author missC Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 After the emails saying that he wanted to say hello if he saw me....... we walked past each other this morning. He looked right at me and carried on walking... ..so much for wanting to say hello. Link to post Share on other sites
destination_unknown Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 maybe he didnt see you! you didnt see him the last time right? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 maybe he didnt see you! you didnt see him the last time right? did you not see that she said he looked at her? Why reply when you have not read? Link to post Share on other sites
sirjay Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 All this fuss! You are dying to know what he wants and you will never know. I think all this game playing and paranoia is counterproductive. Just ask him straight up what he wants and why he got back in touch after so long. Personally, I think it sounds like he is interested but is protecting his ego from a knockback. He sounds a little immature from what you have said. The real question here is what do you REALLY want, and what are you prepared to risk? What comes out of this dialogue for me is that you really want it to be the case that he wants to have another go with you and that it will work out. As has been stated, people make mistakes, people change, and real feelings just don't disappear. I had an ex come back after we broke mutually after seven years NC and she told me no one else had made her happy like i had and the sex had never been bettered. it was great for my ego... i didnt want to get involved but we are now good friends and she helps me out with my relationship stuff. i also had an ex who i had been treating badly and she saw another guy for 3 months and drove me crazy - in the end though, he was just a pretty boy with no personality and we got back together and stayed together for many years. people do things they regret, people do things during which they grow and change. if you are strong enough to deal with ALL of the possible outcomes, i really think you should find out what the score is but definitely keep your cards close and be non-comittal. he walked out, so now he has everything to prove to you. good luck! x Link to post Share on other sites
destination_unknown Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I did read it, i just didnt explain fully. Apologies. What I meant was I have walked by people before and not seen them when they have said i was looking straight at 'em and vice versa. Sometimes your mind is somewhere else. Edited to say: I think sirjays advice is right on the mark. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 You know how many times I have posted threads asking " ever have an ex come back years down the road( a year later ) , Yes it is possible that that person had feelings for you for a year, and was confused and their coming back, And yes it is also possible that his intentions are out to hurt you give it some time before you actually chat up with him,don't where your heart on your sleeve, for whatever reasons you guys broke up, reamber that. Im sure you were stunned for him to just pop up, but I know what that feels like to have a delayed healing process( if thats what your feeling like ) The private calls i got and hang ups, really only tied down to my ex...and well it really post poned alot of things for me, the what if it is him? well some ex's will actually try to mess around with your head, because with that long of Nc, they honestly don't know how you feel. So did you talk to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author missC Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 There is no game playing on my part as I have not contacted him at all since we split up - I have only ever responded to his contact and even that has been pretty blunt and to the point. and I am certainly not paranoid - I just don't understand this behaviour. It was a shock for him to contact me with those emails about seeing me because we hadn't had any contact whatosever for all that time and I don't think that he has any regrets about leaving and I don't think he wants to come back - that's why I find it frustrating that, just as I am getting on with my life and doing quite well without him, he pops up every now and them, seemingly on purpose to hurt me or keep him on my mind for some reason. I suppose I just wanted to express my annoyance that after all the fuss he made about wanting to say hello, and after 3 months of nothing since then, when he does actually see me (and trust me, he did see me), he just walks away. I take solace in that he must feel a bit of an idiot after those emails and then being too much of a coward to actually say hello Link to post Share on other sites
PeanutHead88 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Well you did email him, and he responded quickly did he? Well that shows you, the guy though about you with someone else, now he dumped you for another girl, and he has to live with that mistake. Let this be something he learns, little friendly emails won't hurt anyone, but if it gets more serious than it will Now I think he realizses that he did the wrong thing, and most likely misses you, but don't let him know too much of whats going on with your life, let him try to keep the contact going with you Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author missC Posted June 19, 2006 Author Share Posted June 19, 2006 I am now wondering if I should email him and ask him why he didn't say hello when he saw me, especially after making such a big deal of asking if he could say hello because he wanted to. I am annoyed with him for making such a fuss and then not saying hello and I want him to know that I saw him and that I know he saw me so he can't pretend otherwise. Should I just leave it alone or press him on it? Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 I think you should let it go. You are no longer a couple, you don't owe each other anything. Link to post Share on other sites
sirjay Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 I think you should just ask him straight up what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 I think you should let it go. You are no longer a couple, you don't owe each other anything. Seconded, do you really want to dig up the past again? It's been a year, just let it lie and continue on forward (not back) with your life, unless you want to relive all that emotional turmoil again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author missC Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Well, I emailed him along the lines of "you walked past me the other day, looked right at me and carried on walking. I thought you wanted to say hello!" - it was a light, jokey email, no angry tone or anything like that. Although, I emailed him primarily because I was angry that he ignored me after all the fuss he made with the emails saying that he wanted to say hello and I wanted him to know that I saw him so he didn't think he had got away with it. Got an email back claiming that he didn't see me and that he was sorry. That's it. nothing more. So at least I know for sure now that he is not interested in anything other than just trying to upset me by cropping up every now and then. I imagine that I shall get another meaningless email in about three months time. If he is not interested in me anymore, why doesn't he just leave it alone? Thanks all. Link to post Share on other sites
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