Guest Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I seem to have some trust issues with him--worried over if he is talking to other girls or messing around. His actions do not really show that he would be cheating but we do not live close to one another where we could catch each other if one of us was cheating. Sometimes i feel as if I am worrying too much about getting hurt. So i just wanted to ask what are the major signs or subtle signs of cheating. I don't think i would ever catch him in the act if he was. I do not like how i worry like this. I want to trust him more. Input would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Do a google search on signs of cheating, theres too many to list. Remember those are just what they say they are, signs. Doesn't mean its 100 percent for sure. Sounds like right now hes not doing anything he shouldn't since you yourself said he hasn't done anything to make you think otherwise. Also you can not live in the "What if" life either. Anyone can cheat on anyone at anytime, but you can't live your life wondering "what if he were." Jade Link to post Share on other sites
jmmm Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I keep looking for signs that he might be cheating and i think i am going too far. i check his cell phone without him knowing and try to find anything. Last night, we were together and i saw a line on his white shirt that seemed to look like lip stick or something..but it appeared a little darker than mine. I mentioned you have a mark and then i said its not from me tonight. He replied just saying ok well it had to have been from you. I then said my lip gloss is pink and this is a little darker. So he just said then what are you asking me? He said the shirt came out of the laundry. I'm thinking maybe after washing it, it changed color or something. Now i am second guessing myself and want to stop worrying about if he is doing something wrong and believe that little mark on the collar is nothing. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I have read your other posts jmmm, and the only thing I can say is it seems you're digging for things that are not there. You have got to get ahold of this checking up on him and wondering about lipstick or what it looks like on his shirt etc. Its going to the extreme. If you had real valid suspicsions I might could see it, but right now, from your other posts I do not see that. If you keep this behavior up you will end up pushing him away. I'm not trying to sound harsh, just saying this is the way it seems right now. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
jmmm Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I appreciate your reply jadestar. I think you do have a good point. Sometimes i feel like i am looking too hard. If someone is cheating, i think it would have come out by now. So you think i should just forget that line on his collar until something else that is weird comes along? It really scared me when i saw that line because its not the exact color of what i use. I feel like i can't bring it up because we have had many discussions over me not trusting him and this might add fuel to the fire if i am wrong. Please write back. Link to post Share on other sites
Delectable Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Jmmmmm...how old are you? And I don't mean that in a bad way... Link to post Share on other sites
jmmm Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 i am 21. He is 30. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 I have a funny feeling about this, 21 F and 30 M. I've done my share of laundry and lipstick does not really stay, it would show signs of change. The colors tends to change to lighter shade. Honestly, I think you maybe looking for things. Just wash the shirt again, either he or you do it. If it pops up again, then it maybe a sign. I'm near his age and would not date anyone that has not finished college and have a first real job. Fresh out of college women from my experience do not know what they want yet. He might be at a different life stage. The spark may have diminished. How long have you two known each other? This is just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 hello, we are together a year. When i first met him I was little weirded out about his age as well simply because I never dated anyone that much older and I was worried about what other people would say. As i got to know him though, that faded away. The age does not bother me. I am almost done with college but yes I know, there are still many things to experience such as a full time job as opposed to working and going to school like i have been doing. So you think I should just relax a little bit unless something really out of the ordinary happens and it happens when I am not searching for anything? That little line really scared me into thinking something was up but then i second guess myself. I really want to change my habits and just enjoy this relationship more. Link to post Share on other sites
jmmm Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 We have known and been together for a year. The age did bother me at first but as i got to know him, that feeling faded away. I am almost done with college and work part time as well. So you think i should wait until something else happens and stop searching for things? I really want to just trust and enjoy my relationship more. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 This is my suggestion. It is very hard to trust when there are suspicions. I would not bottle them up however I would not go searching for a problem. So tone down the searches. IF another streak of lipstick, scent, taste of another woman, whatever; your eyes and ears should perk up. "cheaters" tend to mess up, maybe 3 months later. But you know, since you are almost finished with college; focus on that over your trust issues. No point having no degree and an ex-bf. If he is cheating, then him will make a mistake; just hopfully not around finals week. (I've been there & done that) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 I really appreciate your advice--i feel as if i am driving my friends away by constantly talking about these little problems which is why i came to this board. They say I am driving myself crazy over this and worrying about an old school thing such as a mark on the collar lol. They also say I am searching for things wrong. The majority of the posts tell me to pay attention for future mistakes and then speak my mind so i think that is what i want to do. Although i am still going to be cautious-i'm trying to stop being so jealous. For example, my boyfriend can be vague and it bothers me. He said he was talking to somebody after work for awhile about so and so..and i was just thinking in my head--its a female he is talking to and i would always ask well who was it you were speaking to. Now i'm trying not to ask so many questions unless it seems necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
jmmm Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Hello, The majority of the posts say i should wait until future mistakes so i think that is what i am going to do. Some of my friends say the same thing--i am looking for something wrong and waiting for him to cheat on me. My boyfriend has even said that. He said already made up my mind it seems. I'm trying to cut down on the jealousy. For example, my b/f can be vague. He said one time he was talking to someone after work for awhile. The first thing i thought was it was a girl and usually i would ask -well who was it. But i'm trying not to ask so many questions unless its necessary. I am trustworthy but I donot know how my boyfriend does it sometimes. My phone can right at 10 pm and it can be a guy and he will not believe anything is going on-which its not. If his phone rang at that time of night, I would automatically believe something is up. How do you know when you are being paranoid or having the right amount of jealousy? I guess I am going too far by constantly looking through his cell. I have even copied down numbers in his phone--he uses his phone for work and i sometimes get suspicious of dialed and receive numbers(such as missed cell in his call log with no name)and sometimes it is a girl who picks up but i do not see them being repeatedly dialed. Despite this, usually anytime i call, he is there and whenever I want see he is most of the time available. Any other feedback would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Well here's the thing: while your instincts are usually correct, if you look for something to be wrong you will usually find it. I have done what you are doing, I am so worried about being humiliated and made a fool of by someone that I am afraid to trust that they aren't using me and lying to me and I'll end up driving someone away by accusing them of things they aren't doing and making up problems where there aren't any. Like everyone else said, cheaters usually screw up. You'll find it when it's there, stop looking. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 So everyone thinks i should just ignore that line i saw on his shirt? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I seem to have some trust issues with him--worried over if he is talking to other girls or messing around. His actions do not really show that he would be cheating but we do not live close to one another where we could catch each other if one of us was cheating. Sometimes i feel as if I am worrying too much about getting hurt. So i just wanted to ask what are the major signs or subtle signs of cheating. I don't think i would ever catch him in the act if he was. I do not like how i worry like this. I want to trust him more. Input would be appreciated. i understand how you feel my boyfriend is doing the same thing i just look at it like iam honest and if he cant be then its over hope thats not going on it would be a lost Link to post Share on other sites
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