Boyfriend's jealous friend

[katiebour]

Hi folks,

here's the deal...

 

My b/f and I started dating over 8 months ago. Our relationship is just great, no problems there.

 

A big blowup occurred this weekend with my boyfriend and a friend of his. This guy friend is kinda young, about 21, (b/f is 30 and I am 26) independently wealthy (trust fund baby) and a bit odd. He himself admits to being manic-depressive, and refuses to take medication. He said about a week ago "Here comes Mr. Hyde" on an online blog, but we had no idea this was coming.

 

1. He puts out a blog lambasting several friends, intimating that one dealing with depression and a drinking problem should "quite drinking or die." He then went on to ream my boyfriend for engaging in PDA's in public.

 

Now when we first started dating, my b/f was aware of this friend's dislike for PDA's, and we agreed to tone it down around him... which we have done. We might hug, or if we're standing around, put an arm around one another, but we don't lock lips- maybe a quick peck every once in a half-hour. My b/f even makes jokes about it, holding up menus in restaurants and kissing me behind it.

 

My b/f got mad at this blog, and posted one defending his right to kiss me whenever he wants. He basically said, "Deal with it."

 

2. Next day, friend puts out a blog saying "this friendship is over, and by the way, his g/f (me) is a controlling bitch."

 

My b/f is a damn stubborn man. He does what he needs or wants to do, and I am less in control of him than any other man in any relationship I have been in. I admire and respect that he is his own person, and from time to time if I get bossy, he lets me know about it.

 

My b/f recently started school 1 hour away from where I (and this friend) live. Because we're not all in the same town anymore, I don't often associate with his friends, simply because my b/f isn't around to bring us all together. I have not said more than 2 words to this friend in months, and have made continuous efforts to be friendly, ask after his hobbies, make supportive comments, and try to be nice to a person my b/f cares about.

 

This friend is not normally the type of person I would hang out with, since he pops out random comments to the effect of "You're such a ****ing whorebag, shut up and die!.... Just kidding haha..."

 

So... My b/f has told this friend that the friendship is over, and is really angry at him. It was a rough weekend for us (I only see him 2 days a week, when I drive to his college town after I get off work, then drive back at the end of the week.)

 

I feel like I am in a way the cause of this, since all of these comments were aimed at the relationship between my boyfriend and myself.

 

My b/f says it is simply because this former friend is self-centered and can't stand not being the center of my b/f's attention.

 

The friend has no job and few committments- if he wanted to, he could come visit my b/f any time... so it's not like I was taking time away from their friendship.

 

I'm just confused and hurt. I keep second-guessing myself, going, "Am I a controlling bitch? What have I done here to cause this?" or wavering between "he's young and foolish and unstable, and he's just lashing out because he's depressed and because my b/f isn't around much any more."

 

I don't know what I'm looking for- feedback? Support? Have any of you ever had a situation like this?

 

Thanks.

-Katie