sickandtired Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Hi everyone, I'm involved in a ldr(215miles), however as my name says sick & tired, that's exactly how I feel about this ldr. Ok its going on 2years since i've been involved in this ldr, my boyfriend tends to get a little jealous of my past relationships. He constantly asks me about them, then I reluctantly tell him about them, then he gets angry. For example recently, he made a comment about sex(anal) i told him that i had a bad exeprience w/that(it happend accidently) & i'm not into that type of sex, when I told him that he just went bizerk(he has a bad temper) saying what do I need his %i&k for and i'm telling him and explaining to him that it wasnt intentional in fact it was an accident(true but thats another story). And that comment really made me very angry b/c we always end up in an argrument about my past. Now I think he wants me to apologize for my past relationships however I'm tired of apologizing for the samething, I feel that I shouldn't have to apologize about it anymore. & not only that but his friends are always in our business and that bothers me alot. Ive tried breaking off the ldr and just be friends however, he tends be clingy like he just cant let me go & blah blah blah. I can go on & on about this guy and this doomed ldr. I just need some advice about this. I mean was I wrong for going off on him after he asks me a question then gets mad at the answer? why do guys always think they have to out do the ex boyfriend? and then gets upset about their g/f's past? I'm a little confused on this one. Sorry to be so long winded but this ldr has me exhausted thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
hiraka Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 To me it sounds he is insecure and I can't see why you have to appologize unless there is more to the story than I am understanding. If what is making him upset is your past and has nothing to do with when you were with him, why should you appologize? Maybe he is just fustrated with the distance that he is trying to find something to take out the fustration on? Maybe he is just the jealous type and can't get past the fact you had a past? Or maybe something else. I suggest you talk to him about why it is so or try to find out without being accusing. Say "I feel like... when you are like..." instead of "you this, you that..." Honestly though, if he can't get past your past, it might be an idea to move on. Long distance has enough problems as it is without getting upset over something that happened before you both were in a relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 You shouldn't have to apologize for anything. These things happened, presumably within the confines of a relationship, and most likely before you even met him. If he expects a virgin, then he needs to date a nun. Everyone has a past, sexual and relationship-wise, and he just needs to get over it. I'd suggest back him into a corner about his sexual past and see how he reacts to that line of questioning. I'll bet he'll be pretty uncomfortable about it. But, fair is fair right. I say again, don't apologize. Go on the offensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickandtired Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 thank you hiraka and roxy_1980 for replying, i've tried talking to him about not keep asking about my past relationships, whats in the past is the past and lets concentrate on our future is what I always tell him. He asks me about my past relationships then gets angry when I finally tell him the answer to whatever question he asked about my past. I agree w/the both of you yes hes insecure about my past relationship (which was way before I met him I might add)and he's also jealous and can also be immature at times. I personally think that the relationship has ran its course and its basically time for me to move on. thanks again for your replies:) Link to post Share on other sites
fraidycat Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 It's obvious (or at least that's how you make it sound!) that you don't want to be with this guy- so drop him like he's hot. Sure he may not like it but he is 215 miles away what is he going to do? Prank call you? I mean really they have caller Id SO you won't have to take his calls. He sounds insecure and if you stay in a relationship that goes nowhere but on the next dysfunctional cycle you are also- don't waste anymore of eachothers time..seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Drop him. If I've learned anything from relationships, it's that having to deal with insecure personalities just isn't worth the time. What does he want you to say? "I'm sorry I wasn't a virgin when I met you?" I think the only guys that worry about outdoing the last boyfriend are the insecure ones. I always assume I'm outdoing the last boyfriend. MD Link to post Share on other sites
AmItheOne Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I've also been in a LDR (over 200 miles) for 2 years. For these type of relationships to work, communication MUST by key. You should feel as if you can tell him anything without ramification. There is absolutely no way your past relationships are any of his business other than to know that you are clean...details are only if you want to give them. I have told my bf details about my past sex life and he has never once judged me on it (I have a child from a previous relationship). I also ask about his ex wife from time to time and he openly tells me anything I ask. I may feel a twinge of jealousy but would never distort that as him being anything but completely honest with me. I understand that LDR are exhausting...mine is good and its exhausting, when you fight, making up isn't the same and you have to learn to communicate EVERYTHING which is exhausting in itself. I have a great relationship with my bf but I have also decided that when he finishes school (he's 30 and going back to college) things have to change or I have to walk...its just too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 No apologies are necessary. You had a life before him and he has zero right to chastise you for it. Him trying to out do the ex boyfriend reeks of insecurity and his other actions carry the offensive odor of a control freak. Do you really want to waste your life trying to make this work? What's in it for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sickandtired Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Hi Everyone, I'm soooo glad I discovered this website yes his actions show that he is very insecure and I think its too many nice guys out there in the world for me to keep wasting my time w/this guy on a ldr thats going no where imo Link to post Share on other sites
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