jmmm Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I keep looking for signs that he might be cheating and i think i am going too far. We have been together for a year. i check his cell phone without him knowing and try to find anything. Last night, we were together and i saw a line on his white shirt that seemed to look like lip stick or something..but it appeared a little darker than mine. I mentioned you have a mark and then i said its not from me tonight. He replied just saying ok well it had to have been from you. I then said my lip gloss is pink and this is a little darker. So he just said then what are you asking me? He said the shirt came out of the laundry. I'm thinking maybe after washing it, it changed color or something. Now i am second guessing myself and want to stop worrying about if he is doing something wrong and believe that little mark on the collar is nothing. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 JadeStar, I appreciate your advice in the previous thread. I reposted the thread hoping to get your opinion again as well as others. You are right. Sometimes i feel like i am searching for things. I guess that line on i saw on his collar really freaked me out. It didnt look like a kiss mark or a big smear. It was just a little straight line but it didnt look like the shade I use. Do you think the best advice is to overlook this because we have had talks over my trust issues and me bringing something like this up might add fuel to the fire. Should I try to relax and wait for more concrete evidence such as him not wanting to see me as much or phone calls from girls at night etc. ? None of that has been an issue. I wish I didn't feel this way and I feel like i am having a hard time judging whether i am being paranoid at times and not using my best judgement or being rational. For example, i have noticed that if he doesnt answer his phone and doesn't call back for an hour or saw, i automatically think the worst. Input would be appreciated. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
sosuga Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Hmm not wanting to see you as often, or girls calling late at night are both something I'd watch for...which you said arent happening. What else would you think are signs indicating cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 So you really think i should just overlook this until there are other signs? It seems like it i hard to even find out if someone is cheating if you live far away from them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 So everyone thinks i should just overlook this and wait for other signs. It seems difficult to even catch someone cheating or making mistakes if they live far away from one another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 sorry--thats was a question..everyone thinks i should overlook this and wait for other signs? Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 My question to you is that if you are so sure he is cheating on you, then why don't you break up with him? Even if he isn't you lack any sort of trust in this guy and thus aren't in a good relationship to begin with Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 the thing is--i'm am not so sure he is cheating. I do believe he loves me. I guess i have a hard time trusting another person that they are not going to hurt me or lie to me. But my question still remains--overlook that night and wait for other signs? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 i am not sure of it. I just have a hard time trusting someone. I can not tell the difference between being paranoid or rightfully suspicious. But my question still remains--Do i overlook this and wait for other signs? Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 If anything he should break up with you. Do you realize how disrespectful that is to go through his cell phone without him knowing. And how annoying is it that he has to deal with questions like "what is that line on your shirt?" You've got serious issues. He's not the problem, you are. Why are there so many damn insecure girls out there like this? If you're with a guy who's going to cheat on you, he'll do it no matter what. Spying on him or giving him hell for lines he has on his shirt is not going to make him any more honest than the day he got together with your psycho self. MD Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 First of all, i didn't give him hell. I simply asked a question of something that was on his collar. And yes i do realize that going through his phone without him knowing is not a solution to my suspicions so i am trying to stop. I have not been doing that lately. I'm asking for advice and not to be called names. I am not the only one with insecurity issues and i feel this is a place to go to express your feelings and get feedback. I am hoping for more answers that are a little more understanding or possibly from someone who has been through what i am going through. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 If anything he should break up with you. Do you realize how disrespectful that is to go through his cell phone without him knowing. And how annoying is it that he has to deal with questions like "what is that line on your shirt?" You've got serious issues. He's not the problem, you are. Why are there so many damn insecure girls out there like this? If you're with a guy who's going to cheat on you, he'll do it no matter what. Spying on him or giving him hell for lines he has on his shirt is not going to make him any more honest than the day he got together with your psycho self. MD Okay I agree with MD on the first part, HE!! NO on the second! I have had the fortune of being with the most insanely jealous person on the planet and they certainly weren't female! Quite alot of men and women have trust issues which makes them unable to accept their partners faithfulness, but it does not make them a psycho, there are a number of reasons for distrust, and the OP needs to work on these issues. But honey, cut the spying it does no good and only leads to misinterpretations. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I did not give him hell. i simply asked a question of the line i saw. Yes i do agree to stop the snooping. i am trying. Also, i donot appreciate being called names. i here to get advice. Setting aside the snooping, you agree of letting that line on the shirt go? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 First, i did not give him hell. I simply asked a question about what i saw on his shirt. I do agree about the snooping and i am trying to stop. I do not want to be called names because this is a place to get advice and work through problems everyone is having. Setting aside what i have done wrong such as the snooping, let the line on the shirt go? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 jmmm, I'm not trying to sound harsh, really i'm not, but the other posts you have made in reference to this situation, does NOT look to me as if he is cheating. I, and others have told you this before. I really think you are digging for something thats not there. Are you wanting to find something out? You might say no, but theres really no indication that he is doing something he shouldn't right now. I think you're sabatoging this relationship and are not even aware of it. Do a google search on signs of cheating, which I think someone told you to do before. However, please remember those are what they say they are, SIGNS, it doesn't mean its happening in your situation. I think you need to let this go, becasue if you don't you're gonna run him off with your insecurity. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Wow, you guys would be surprised how many insecure girls there are out there like this. We are trying to help you with the problem.. the problem is you, you need to deal with your insecurities. Trust me, if he cheats on you, you will know it by the look in his eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 I realize i have insecurity issues especially since i have been posting at this board and i am trying to improve by not asking him as many questions or going through his cell phone. But let me just ask--if this was someone new to the board asking the same question--i saw a line on my boyfriend's shirt and it looks like lipstick that isn't mine..wouldn't you say thats a red flad of someone up to something no good or that isn't the only indication of something going on? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I realize i have insecurity issues especially since i have been posting at this board and i am trying to improve by not asking him as many questions or going through his cell phone. But let me just ask--if this was someone new to the board asking the same question--i saw a line on my boyfriend's shirt and it looks like lipstick that isn't mine..wouldn't you say thats a red flad of someone up to something no good or that isn't the only indication of something going on? Thanks I thought you said it wasn't lipstick on the shirt. Also if this was another poster asking the question about lipstick, first off, people would probably ask more questions on the matter, than jumping to the conclusion that he was up to something, unless the poster was absolutly positive it was lipstick. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 But let me just ask--if this was someone new to the board asking the same question--i saw a line on my boyfriend's shirt and it looks like lipstick that isn't mine..wouldn't you say thats a red flad of someone up to something no good or that isn't the only indication of something going on? Thanks you are new to the board. in any case, this is the advice you're getting in relation to your question. what might be said to someone else is irrelevant. and honestly, isn't the lipstick on the collar thing more of a cliche than a genuine cheating giveaway? Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 This being the first post I believe I have read by you I can say that my advice was unbiased. FRom the sound of your post you are constantly searching (and invading your boyfriends privacy) for something that isn't there. It sounds to me that you want to be validated and have people say "yes he is cheating on you!" my questoin to you is if that happened what would you say? What would you do? I still stand by my statement that I think you need to dump this guy, cause you don't have any trust in him, and if you are sure he is going to cheat on you then why not do it before it happens. You need to get some self worth and confidence before you get into another relationship again Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 This is also the first time I'm reading your post too, so I should be unbiased as well. Don't take it the wrong way, but since you asked, here's what I think... You probably have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) besides trust issues. I've seen people with OCD who constantly look for signs that their SOs have strayed (now, not all OCD manifests itself in the same way, but you get the point). Don't blame it on yourself. You're not crazy but you do need to deal with it by gettin' professional help. It's not destroying your relationship so much as it is destroying you. You're here seeking justification for your actions (It's ok and it's no fault of yours). And you're here probably seeking validation or affirmation that your b/f is not cheating. And the reason why you're here is cuz you can't reason with yourself to think logically (I'm assuming that he's never cheated). A colleague of mine tells me how his behavior wrecked his life, his family and the person that he cares about the most - his wife. In his case, he was constantly trying to find signs that his wife has strayed, although she's never cheated on him before. He finally went on medication (yes there is medication for that) and for now, it's more or less under control. Anyhow, I'm not certain about your case, but it sounds a heck of a lot like what my friend went thru. Try seeking professional help. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hi Jadestar, No i am pretty sure it was. When i asked him he said oh its probably lipstick and thats when i said it wasn't from me which it wasn't. And thats when the convo went on from there of him saying so then what are you asking me. I do agree, a line on the collar does seem cliche and old school. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Ok jmmm, sorry I mis understood. I do not know what to tell you really. You either accept what he says, or you dig deeper too see if you find anything out for sure. Which actaully goes against what I had orginally said, but I think you're gonna dig anyway. So far with readin your other posts, I didn't see where he was up to anything. As far as the lipstick, yeah that sounds a little odd but he doesn't seem to be overly worried or defensive when you ask him questions, unless he knows how to play a cool cat when being asked certain questions. Now he may not be doing a thing, then again he might have you completley snowballed and is slick with what hes doing. I still say though, that reguardless, you still need to work on your insecurities. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Yes, i am definitely going to work on the insecurity thing. But from everyone's opinion--what would a lipstick stain on a shirt really look like? What makes me second guess myself is the fact that it didn't look like a girl's lip...meaning it didn't look all smudged or smeared as if it was a blot. It was like half an inch straight line which is why i didn't know what to think. My good friends who are honest with me even if its what i dont want to hear say well its really hard to say by that. They imagine a stain on a shirt or something to be more of an obvious thing such as a huge smear--not a little straight mark. This happened about a month ago so i know i can't bring something like that up now. Because he knows of my jealousy(not to this extent where i am writing on a board) i just kind of dropped it thinking--ok its me again. He introduced me to his family and we are leaving for vacation this weekend which makes it hard for me to believe that someone would do all that and cheat. And since the stain looked new, not as if it was set in after washing it..wouldn't i most likely smell her perfume or scent-whatever it may be- if he didn't change the shirt? I did not smell anything out of the ordinary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 I am going to work on those issues. But my question that makes me second guess myself is what would a lipstick mark appear like? It was half an inch straight type of line..It did not look like a girl's lip--round, really smudged or like a blot. This is what made me say--ok its me again looking for things. We are going on vacation this weekend. Sometimes its hard for me to believe that someone who i am going away with and who introduced me to his family is cheating. Also, since it didn't look old--like set in after washing it--wouldn't i have smelled her perfume,scent, or whatever it may be if it was something to really be suspicious about? I didn't smell any of that. This happened a month ago so now i know it is useless to bring up to him because it should have been dealt with then. So i am just trying to make sense of things. My good friends who are honest even if its what i don't want to hear say they would imagine something like that to appear larger and more of a bigger smear than a straight type of line as if it was drawn with a crayon or something. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts