blind_otter Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 ...... it is only logical to let go of that relationship for the good of both parties. Yeah, well. Since when are emotions logical? Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 I would classify it as Kattywampus in general. katharevousa followed by katydid No Kattywampus in my Oxford English Dictionary. Please define. It is from the Official Dictionary of Proper Southern English KattyWampus means without serving a purpose. I am learning new words here daily........ I learnt the difference between dinner and supper.... lunch and Sunday dinner and Sunday Supper..... Sunday apparently different vittles mean different lablels are needed for the event of eating?? Still trying to work that all out. a4a- Welcome to Dullsville, enjoy our famous whitebread Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Yeah, well. Since when are emotions logical? That is simple when you learn that you cannot do something about it, you learn that you must accept it...... logic or not? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 That is simple when you learn that you cannot do something about it, you learn that you must accept it...... logic or not? that was a total side-step! emotions don't come from logic. that's a different part of your brain. the path that takes you to acceptance is also not logical. logically, things outside of yourself wouldn't even induce an emotional reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I learnt the difference between dinner and supper.... lunch and Sunday dinner and Sunday Supper..... What about tea? I suspect that is something like supper, only a bit earlier. learnt - ha! normally a British use. Is that why it doesn't show up in the spell check here? that was a total side-step! emotions don't come from logic. that's a different part of your brain. Having established that a4a & I think alike on this issue I think I understand what she means about accepting the things you cannot change. That, however, is different than letting go, which is what I think you're getting at. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Having established that a4a & I think alike on this issue I think I understand what she means about accepting the things you cannot change. That, however, is different than letting go, which is what I think you're getting at. word.......spank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 But maybe accepting things you cannot change is the prerequistite of being able to let go? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 But maybe accepting things you cannot change is the prerequistite of being able to let go? Absolutely. And although logic & emotions may not be the same thing I do think that some people (like myself for instance) can be very practical regarding their emotions, if that makes any sense. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 But maybe accepting things you cannot change is the prerequistite of being able to let go? I don't think so. What about learned helplessness? You accept the inevitability of your own suffering and thereby trap yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 that was a total side-step! emotions don't come from logic. that's a different part of your brain. the path that takes you to acceptance is also not logical. logically, things outside of yourself wouldn't even induce an emotional reaction. Can you decide what you want to feel on a emotional level? Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 emotions don't come from logic. that's a different part of your brain. the path that takes you to acceptance is also not logical. logically, things outside of yourself wouldn't even induce an emotional reaction. Here's what I've learned: I have had quite a war going on in my brain between logic and emotions. It was like two different cameras switching on and off at will without anyone calling the switch between the two. Now there's another part of me emerging, a higher, yet deeper part, that takes both emotions and logic serious and decides when to switch to what and how. I can switch my emotions off like the best of men in order to get things done. But due to my past, my emotions, royally pissed that I'm not paying attention to them, will break through my logic and run amok over everything. Hell, I haven't been able to keep myself together, let alone relate to others, without stress! But I'm learning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Absolutely. And although logic & emotions may not be the same thing I do think that some people (like myself for instance) can be very practical regarding their emotions, if that makes any sense. Yeppers.... evaluate your emotions. I do think fear as an emotion is quite a logical one in many cases. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I wasn't arguing. I was just pointing out that these two cognitive processes originate from completely different hemispheres in the brain. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I think each person has a breaking point and when that lightbulb goes off (sometimes it takes a long time for that bulb to go off though!) and they realize ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. It's more than just a thought, it's a feeling, a real wanting to NOT let the bad stuff in anymore. It really serves no purpose and you have to make the choice to not allow yourself to look back. Only look forward. Not let the past (and pain etc...) creep into your thoughts, to continue to be strong and NOT ever let that bad stuff take over again. What I've learned in CBT Therapy you can apply it more or less in any situation in life, doesn't always have to do with breakups. With me, it's the whole f**k'n anxiety disorder thing I have (which I'm sick of having to deal with on and off!) and other stupid quirks. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Maybe because I have PTSD and still actively have flashbacks. I have emotions sometimes that come from nowhere at all. Echoes of something I felt so intensely that it was beyond my ability to process. So I casually walk by a door that looks similar to one from my past that reminds me of something on a subconscious level, and I have a wave of fear, terror, emotions that are completely unrelated to anything I experience at that moment. I have no logical control over the impetus of this experience, only over my reaction to it. Therefore my logical control only comes into play AFTER the initial occurance of the emotion itself, not concurrently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 though!) and they realize ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. It's more than just a thought, it's a feeling, a real wanting to NOT let the bad stuff in anymore. . It is also about seeking the good stuff and making a decision to do that as well..... not all letting go is about getting rid of the bad. Some is for seeking out the good you desire. Like quitting a job so you can get one that you like more. Not that the old one was bad..... just not enough for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Otter's right. For a decent explanation: see the book Friday's Laws. This is where I learned about another part of the brain that needs to be at the switch. In this book Friday argues that the universal sign for crazy is the "cuckoo stirring loop" at the side of our heads. And that this actually describes what's going on between the more more primitive amygdala that wants good loooooooooooove oneness with another and our judgmental self that says we oughta, coulda, shoulda. We loop back and forth between our shoulds and our "but I wants!" and it makes us nuts. Until we add a higher dimension in our brains that mediates between the two. This, he says, is the secret to higher functioning human beings as opposed to those of us who seem stuck. We are stuck--in our loopy thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 And Ot, I know what you're talking about. It feels like your emotions abduct you from out of nowhere sometimes. They are. They're trying to get us to process all the trauma we just tamped down. My anxieties are fading. I couldn't figure out why I felt so anxious about tunnels, for instance. Once I processed its association with a traumatic event in my childhood by "feeling my feelings" which, gawd! I never wanted to do because it just felt so damn awful, couldn't do anything about it anyway, so why not just forget . . . But once I did process the old emotions, revisit the trauma, the anxiety subsided and I could think more clearly and have more control over my emotions. Still a work in progress, but it's working. All that's to say, we're all in different places with the ability to let go, and that's why all the drama to attachments and letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Yeah, B. I don't even know why I have to have clear shower curtains. But if I don't, I spend my shower peeking out from behind to curtains looking at the bathroom door. I don't know WHY I have to have them, but I just accept that I do and move on with my life. But that doesn't make the compulsion just go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Do you think some things are harder to let go of because even though they are negative (emotions, experiences, circumstances) they still hold some pleasure/need/desire for the person that is having a hard time letting them go? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Do you think some things are harder to let go of because even though they are negative (emotions, experiences, circumstances) they still hold some pleasure/need/desire for the person that is having a hard time letting them go? I think that, unfortunately, for some people negative feelings are all they've known & that state becomes normal for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Do you think some things are harder to let go of because even though they are negative (emotions, experiences, circumstances) they still hold some pleasure/need/desire for the person that is having a hard time letting them go? I think that, unfortunately, for some people negative feelings are all they've known & that state becomes normal for them. Good question, a4a. The need for continuity, lack of change is probably it, as BC says. I think, though, that there might be more. Maybe we're still clinging to a desire for someone to come make it all better, take care of us for us (the amygdala part of the brain that sings "Someday My Prince Will Come.":rolleyes: ) and that by denying what's really happening, we can hold onto the illusion that maybe that can still happen and avoid taking responsibility for ourselves and our life and actions and responses. Make sense? It's hard to face life on our own for some of us who didn't learn how to really be our own person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 I am wondering if some actually may enjoy an abusive situation as well. The thrill of the fight in a odd sort of way. Or the use of a break up as a way to focus on themselves and obtain sympathy. I am not wording this properly but I would hope you get the idea. (my brain is not relating well with itself today). Does the ability to let go help with beating issues of child abuse in adulthood. I am wondering if people prefer to cling to and magnify those issues rather than to let them go get some sort of "good feeling"? (that should get my ass chewed good by a few) This is a question not a statement! Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 you know a4a. Today, March 1st is the 1 year mark to knowing the full truth of my wifes affair. I had been thinking this morning, and am have a bad morning so far, cause I am rehashing all the events of the past year and half and so anger and resentment is showing thru. I was also thinking about why it is still so vivid in my mind at times. Then I come here and see your thread and thought, WOW....I still dont know why I have not got thru this yet, I still have some bad days and I dont know why??? so yes, It is an art to live with pain....I do it everyday..... Thumbing I am so sorry that you are having a bad day ,but I don't think anyone ever forgets the pain they feel from a spouse or s/o cheating.No matter how many years go by you heart can forget the trama it was put through.You keep going over and over what did i do to deserve this .It can also make you feel worthless and insecure with yourself. I know the pain you are feeling and really sympathize with you. Hugs to you ! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 I am wondering if some actually may enjoy an abusive situation as well. The thrill of the fight in a odd sort of way. Or the use of a break up as a way to focus on themselves and obtain sympathy. I have often formed the opinion that some people must just like all the drama and that some people are very good at playing professional victim, but of course in reality it is much more complicated than that. I have difficulty with these issues because my mind seems to work very simply around them - you hurt me, I leave. Someone here once used the analogy of a frog in water in an attempt to explain why some people stay in abusive relationships: If you put a frog into a pot of boiling water it will immediately jump out in order to save its life. If you put a frog into a pot of cold water & then slowly bring it to a boil it will stay there until its dead (& then you've got a free lunch! ) -- I put that last bit in myself, just couldn't resist -- Link to post Share on other sites
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