Girlfriend admits to sleeping with someone after 1 week break

[yawhatever]

My GF of 4 yrs, just b4 my grad on feb 9th, aniversary on 11th, and valentines day we had a fight and I told her I dont want to be with someone like that, that dosn't really see a future with. So anyways after a week and a half of thinking, being miserable, feeling the need to see her I came by her house to meet her b4 she got home from work. For the next 3 weeks there was alot of mixed feelings, confusiong, especially on her side, for some reason it didnt feel like she wanted me back and hinted on the fact that shes not innocent and shes dumb like all those "other" stupid girls. She hinted on sleeping with other guys, banging, no passion and finally slipped out that she slept with a guy that she know for 4 years now from work, which I know and I have been jealous for in the past but at the time she assured me nothing would happend. Now the fact is she slept with him , just vaginal sex with a condom, no oral and she says it means nothing. When I found out she expected me to freak out but I didn't, until I went home I was all shaky and removed her from all my contact lists.. She noticed it and started emailing me and calling me, saying shes sorry in the emails and I ignored the calls until later. She was crying etc.. and asked me if I want to work things out and I really don't know. I feel the need to just sleep with her to feel better, and I told her thats what I want and shes fine with that. I dont know what to do, especially for the long run.

[Cecelius]

I would not sleep with her, at least for a while: (1) the other dude's stuff is in there (condom aside) and you need enough time to make sure she's not expecting, caught something from him, whatever and (2) to get your head on straight about where your emotions are.

 

Let me also give you the technical answer that everyone here is going to give you: you dumped her, more or less, so its not cheating. If you didn't mean it, then you shouldn't have dumped her.

 

HOWEVER, when this kind of thing happens, you have only a couple conclusions:

 

(1) Your relationship meant SO MUCH to her... that she ran out and banged a guy a week later.

(2) Your g/f keeps or kept at least one dude around as the "penis in a jar" to break in case of emergency

(3) as an alternative to (2) the dude had been hanging around and saw his chance and in a moment of weakness, she gave in. So you either have a calculating person or a weak person -- not a great thing.

(4) No matter what else, a dude she sees pretty frequently has been in your backyard and either he's going to be whiny about how he doesn't get to be with her or he's going to run around smirking that he did hit it. You decide which irritates you more.

 

The situation sounds unfortunate, but my sense is there's no future to the relationship emotionally, and I'm not sure it sounds worthwhile to keep sleeping with her. As soon as she figures out you are just in it casually she will dump you or cheat on you.

[yawhatever]

I do not feel I can any longer plan my futures with this girl, I plan to see other people but in the meantime keep her around, have sex with her, make her understand how much pain she has caused me. I want to experiment, see how sex with her will make me feel, maybe for the best and maybe not... I guess I'll see.

 

As for not being together at the time, I dont know how how you interpert this but I was desperately waiting to apologize to me for saying all those mean things, but instead she figured that its better just to cheat and ensure the relationship breaks for good.

 

I do love her and I guess its tough love, but I want to teach her a lesson that its not cool to mess with peoples emotions. Do you think she learned from her last cheats? She has cheated before , many times and I think its time someone tought her a lesson.

 

I think I will sleep with her a few times, then stop talking to her, call her a few days later and tell her I can't be with her, just break up with her, and if she comes back then its meant to be, if not she never loved me in the first place.

 

This might be wierd but I really have the urge to sleep with her, to make myself feel better. Maybe we are just dogs and I need to reclaim my terrirory, I dont know. Three weeks later & a condom I dont think the guys stuff will be there anymore.

 

When she told me we can do anything I want I said straight out (I was really upset) that shes a whore and I want to bang her.. might sound childish but thats what I said but really sex with her was never banging, it was more to me and I want to see if I will feel the same way. When I talk to her I questioned her if I need a condom now that he might have given her something but she said no...

 

I will let you know what happens after tonight, I will sleep with her and talk to her and see if we can meet on common grounds.

[catgirl1927]

I do love her and I guess its tough love, but I want to teach her a lesson that its not cool to mess with peoples emotions. Do you think she learned from her last cheats? She has cheated before , many times and I think its time someone tought her a lesson.

 

Everything in your post says to me that you just want revenge and that you do not love her. To use her for sex makes you exactly what you say you don't like about her. It won't make you feel any better. IMO, cut her loose immediately. No need to spend any more time on it. It's not going to make you or her a better person, she won't learn anything but that you're mean and petty, and that's not really true, is it? You're angry, and understandably so, but this course of action isn't going to solve anything.

[Spectre]

I wouldnt advise the revenge sex,but then again: If it makes you feel better, do it. She sure as hell didn't stop herself from doing something she thought would make her feel better.

[magda]

My GF of 4 yrs, just b4 my grad on feb 9th, aniversary on 11th, and valentines day we had a fight and I told her I dont want to be with someone like that, that dosn't really see a future with.

I don't see how you figure she was the one messing with YOUR emotions. You broke up with her. I think you're the a**h*** on this one, buddy. Especially if you have sex with her just to "get her back". Why should she remain true to someone who just dumped her?

[Cecelius]

I think she's not worth it -- if you are trying to bang her so that you feel better/have some revenge on her, then it's clear that you are too wrapped up in her -- she matters too much.

 

If her actions have reduced her value to you (which they would to me) then just walk away

[yawhatever]

I decided I walk away after I have sex with her and talk a bit more, but I don't see this working in the long run. When someone tells you that they hate almost everything about you in amocking way becuase their mad makes you want to say "Sorry but I dont want to be with you right now" if my response is not understandable then read again.

[catgirl1927]

If you sleep with her first, knowing you're going to dump her, you have no right to be mad at her for anything she's ever done to you. You deserve it.

[PerryMason]

"When I talk to her I questioned her if I need a condom now that he might have given her something but she said no..."

 

Your whole post is completely ignorant and nonsensical and as for the above statement, it's ludicrous. Why would you believe her when she never even had an std test?? Are you nuts? You would actually go without a condom when she's been banging strange men? Please think with your brain before your pecker for a change.

[mrhawk]

life is too short dude, to many real people that actually do have morals to be messing around like that. too many "good" people out there to even consider another moment with her.

[yawhatever]

Your right but I'm not sure how she will react to that, we have never used protection and such a change might cause a wierd reaction. She slept with only 1 guy 3 weeks ago and they used a condom...

 

... I just hope the sex will clear the air, I dont' know what to expect from it.

[yawhatever]

life is too short dude, to many real people that actually do have morals to be messing around like that. too many "good" people out there to even consider another moment with her.

 

There are and I do not plan on sticking around.. but its really tough when your in love with the other person. I will try to focus on meeting other people like you said that are "good". To find a "good" woman is very hard these days.. anyone will tell you. I thougth I had one and look at what happens. Another moment right now might help me, and I want her to realize what she ruined, and what she will not have anyomore, I willl make her a list of the conflict I have. What do you mean messing around?

[PerryMason]

" we have never used protection and such a change might cause a wierd reaction. She slept with only 1 guy 3 weeks ago and they used a condom... "

 

Were you there to see him wear a condom? Stop thinking so naively. She NEVER cared about protection with you, what makes you think she would with someone else. All she has to say is she's on birth control and men likely won't want to use a condom either when their too into the lust.

 

Weird reaction?? What do you care when you said you want to dump her afterwards? You are giving her too much control when she's been sleeping with weird men. Now you are giving her full control on your health.

[bluechocolate]

It sounds to me like you two deserve each other.

[catgirl1927]

I think they are both really young. He keeps saying he's in love with her so he's going to have sex to clear the air, then wait three days to talk to her and then dump her to teach her a lesson. It doesn't even really make any sense... Sex is not this hard to get, if you just want to have sex then find someone with whom you don't have so much baggage...

[TeaCooler]

so she's has whore tendencies and you have jerk tendencies...

 

one isn't really worse than other, so why not just leave each other alone?

 

you took a break. breaks are to find out what your feelings are. her feeling was that it was time to sleep with someone else. either accept it or don't, but don't play some weird-ass game because she screwed someone else on a break, doing what people do on breaks.

 

you sound very obsessed. it's not attractive, and unless you want this wishy-washy leg-spreader to give you a disease or be the last person you ever have sex with, concentrate on figuring out why you're not desirable in the first place.

[yawhatever]

Its called love my friend, and I dont want to have sex with anyone right now just her. I love her but what she did was wrong, I will eventually see other people. I do not have a problem with my desires, or with desiring others.. First things first.

 

Megan - I think your missing the point, she cheated not me.. Read i said we fight alot and this is how our big fights endup so its not a typical reaction to go and have a fling.

[yawhatever]

Cecelius you are very knowledgable.

[insomnie]

You were on a break. It wasn't the best thing, what she did, but it wasn't the worst, either. People make mistakes, and as far as fidelity goes, it could have been worse. I don't mean to say that she was justified in sleeping with the other guy, but she was probably hurt by your breaking up wiht her and confused about the realitonship...and you two weren't together and he was there...so it happened. People have different ways of expressing bad feelings, and sex is one of them. Look at what you're considering doing. You want to use her for sex and then to dump her - in short, use sex as a means of making yourself feel better and her worse. Very manipulative, in fact probably much more evil than she meant to be.

 

In my opinion you two should take a break - a real one - to figure out how you feel about each other. It doesn't sound like you're in love, more like obsessed and really attached. You've been together for so long and since you were so young that you probably have a lot to learn about relationships and people, about what you want. Take a break and try not to be so bitter. Maybe stay friends. If you miss her and you realize you love her, it'll work out. Next time though, don't break up wiht her every time she says something you don't like. That is very hurtful and manipulative and leads to insecurities on her part and a lot of bad feeling. Learn to express your anger wihtout emotional blackmail; just like no one wants to be with someone who will screw other guys the moment something goes wrong, no one wants to be with someone who will dump them after every hurtful they say.

[Guest]

Reading this just makes me angry. You broke up with her.

 

She is free to do whatever she wants if it hurts you or not because you two are NOT in a relationship anymore. Granted it may be self-destructive to her and was probably one of the worst choices she could have made to cope, but you have no say in the issue. You can't dump her and still have her all to yourself.

[yawhatever]

Me sleep with her more evil than she sleep with a completely different guY? I dont think so.. I think you have your morals messed up. I was hoping that it would make us both feel better but I didn't act on it, couldn't do it and won't.. It discusts me and it will scar me for life but I have to live with it. FYI we had a relationship in which when we fought, alot of the times it would come to one of us saying "its over.. I dont want to see you".. whatever, the point is it was 2 days later. Anyways this is long over, I met many people recently, one I find really interesting and I will post on that to get some help

[yawhatever]

Ya ok guest, so every time we had a fight where it lead to someone saying "its over" we should go and make ourselves feel better by having sex with someone else.

 

Ofcourse it has alot to do with me, she admitted it, felt bad and said she is sorry and that I will probably never forgive her.. which is true.

 

I guess you would have to understand the situation a little better. It dosn't matter anyways if were breaking up and fighting so often.. too much stress.. had to bail and her doing that just tottaly cut that bridge off (the feelings) we had for eachother.

 

Stuff like stability, comfort, caring etc.. All gone after something like that. Any guy will tell you, after their long term GF was sexually degraded by another man, weather it was after a fight, or a 1 year break up, it will be difficult for them to accept, thats why its better not to talk about it but the suspense just drives you crazy so you end up thinking it anyways and it dosn't work out

[RecordProducer]

so she's has whore tendencies

1. Please explain how it makes her a whore if she slept with someone else AFTER her BF broke up with her.

 

2. What is the time required after the break-up when we're allowed to sleep with other men and not be whores because of that?

 

3. Does this refer to men also or only to women?

 

4. IMHO, she did do it because she felt terrible about the break-up rather than because she needed sex with this particualr guy; she regerts it, remember?

 

5. (Important!) Obvioulsy she is the one who taught you a lesson about dumping her, which was a habit of yours whenever things went wrong. I already posted this in your other thread and I'll type it again: you were using emotional blackmail to deal with your problems. If things were not your way, you would just dump her instead of communicate and try to solve the issues. So she finally wanted to show you that your dumping will no longer be "educational" for her and this time she will act like she IS dumped for real. So next time when you want to dump her - think twice! If you ever get back together, you will think twice before dumping her again, won't ya?

[yawhatever]

RecordProducer!!! OMG i told you we were not broken up officially, we have fights like this all the time, plz read post or do not post