A Real Love Rollercoaster

[Just Do It (all)]

We met last year and fell head over heels in love immediately. Inseperable except for a couple of family vacations over the Summer (which seemed to take forwever apart). By the end of the Summer we were engaged, by September moved in together.

 

Everything was going well, we loved each other, but there was an imbalance that I ignored and hoped that "signs" would help make it clear that there was a problem.

 

First, I am a single 1/2 time father. Two daughters around 10-12 range. The live with me 3-4 days per week. They are from my first marriage and obviously a very big part of my life. She has a 3 year old son who was unplanned and the father is a mystery. We talked about him once on our first date and never again did she bring him up. No contact at all, he lives 1000s of miles away.

 

Now I'm 14 years older than she is, but from a lifestyle perspective we are very compatible. Both single parents, both like to do a lot of the same things. I've done a lot more in life and really enjoyed introducing her to things like concerts, sporting events, international travel etc. No matter where we went, we always had the best time together.

 

But after she moved in certain realities began to become clear. First, even though she works as a teacher in a good school system and her son is in preschool all day, she never offered in any way to help out with any of the household expenses. Now, I didn't expect her to pay my mortgage, but even the token offer to pay something towards the house would have seemed a reasonable gesture. She would occasionally buy some food, however, that was it.

 

Then the reality of the fatherless son started to sink in. This kid has no father, nobody to ever have him on weekends or any special time together. So the role for that was immediately falling on me entirely, both financially and emotionally. Also, from a lifestyle perspective, it meant we had to get a babysitter anytime we wanted to go out.

 

Then, speaking of going out. That was my tab to pay as well. I paid for everything anytime we went anywhere. Not only that, If it were a trip, I paid her travel expenses as well. I would go shopping and buy her clothes and other little gifts. But she was always broke.

 

So now I'm in this position where I'm with someone who I do love and enjoy being with immensely, however, I cannot afford to go on with life as I'd known it because everything costs nearly double to do. So that's more time just hanging around the house being reminded that although I see my girls 1/2 the time, I see her son everyday.

 

She was also very jealous and insecure. I couldn't figure out what the deal was until through another medical occurence, it was revealed that she had had gastro bypass surgery in the past. Turns out she used to weigh like 300+ pounds. Not that I expected her to just come out and tell me that, but it is sort of a major event. I thought the scar was from her c-section! OK, no big deal, but I eventually did see old pictures and was very nervous that she might slip back to that form as sometimes happens.

 

Our sex life was great. That I have to admit. She was very skilled and we were very compatible. Definitely the best lovers either of us have had. I began to notice that she started asking me to take her to strip clubs after we'd been out drinking someplace. I thought it was curiousity, but after like the 4th or 5th time it became clear that she is bi-sexual and she really seemed to dig girls much more than guys. But hey, she was open once the cat was out of the bag and we had fun with it becausee we could both look at other womem and talk about what we though of them. Since we were in a faithful relationship what difference did it make?

 

But things started to get ugly sometimes. She'd get really drunk and basically order me around as to whether or not to look at any girls in clubs which she cavorted with any that she chose. She'd even catch onto other bisexual women in clubs and just start randomly making out with them. I, meanwhile sat there dominated and basically foot the whole bill.

 

Some crazy jealousy fight would always break out. Never me upset with her, but her freaking out on me. Like I didn't show enough love to her or something like that.

 

OK, so it all came to a head when we went away and went to a fetish club. We planned for the whole thing with costumes etc. It was really fun. She was in her element. Immediately hooked up with other girls, spanking them, etc. I went off to the dance floor and just started dancing with another woman. She came by and saw me and just exploded. So I took off and left her there. I couldn't handle another irrational conversation.

 

We made up in a couple of days and agreed that we had some things to work on. Made a plan to have regular talks and really let out what's on our minds. Well, the first two times I heard the same two stories, both jealousy driven.

 

Meantime, nothing about the bigger issues like money, parenting etc. So I just lost it and we had the fight that caused her to move out.

 

Now we're back to where we started. She's got an apartment, I have a house and we have made up and we're dating, taking it slow. For as many faults as I might think she has (and I'm by no means perfect either!). I think we both honestly love each other still. It's just that having been there and back I have no idea where, if anywhere, this sort of relationship will ever go.

 

OK, you've herd my crazy story! I am curious to know what others think I should do. What would you do if you were in my position?

 

Your advice is greatly appreciated!