closeau Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 Hi folks, I went out on a very short first date with a woman last week. We met for drinks for a couple of hours, and we seemed to get along quite well. I covered the drinks (ah...I'm such a gentleman...) and we parted ways. As I walked her to a cab she asked me if I'd like to go out again, to which I replied yes. This week she emailed me to ask if I'd like to go out again, and she indicated that she was free on Friday night, Saturday afternoon or Sunday afternoon. I responded back and indicated that Friday night would be fine. So I have two questions: 1) Are the time of day options a test of whether or not I'm interested? and 2) Is the Friday night option an indication that she is interested in pursuing things further (emotionally speaking, not necessarily sexually; it is, after all, the second date...). The inference here is that an (Friday) evening date is more meaningful than an afternoon date because it requires a larger time commitment. A colleague of mine thought that it could be a subtle test to determine how interested I am in her. Afterall, as my colleague put it, with an afternoon date you can pretty well end it at any time and with any excuse, such as" have to meet friends" or "have to go eat." The idea here is that if I chose the afternoon date it would be sending a message that I wasn't really interested. And as for question 2? We're both in our 30s (she's 32 and I'm 34). Both male and female perspectives would be welcome and appreciated. Thanks for your help! Closeau in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
alphamale Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 As I walked her to a cab she asked me if I'd like to go out again, to which I replied yes. even if you like the other party a lot never talk about the next date or if there will be a next date. keeep it open. the correct answer here from you would have been "i had a wonderful time, lets both think about it for a few day but either way i'll give you a call next Thursday" This week she emailed me to ask if I'd like to go out again, and she indicated that she was free on Friday night, Saturday afternoon or Sunday afternoon. the test here was if you'd say "any of those would be fine". this would show you have nothign else going on in your life. your specific answer of fri nite was good. 2) Is the Friday night option an indication that she is interested in pursuing things further nite dates are always more impt than day dates. and weekend nite dates are always more impt than non-wknd nite dates. sat nite being #1 on the list. A colleague of mine thought that it could be a subtle test to determine how interested I am in her. you colleague is wrong oh, and BTW, you should be the one offering up days and times for dates, not her. you are the man, act like it and take charge.
bluechocolate Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 It could also simply be that those are the times she is free and as she doesn't know your schedule she was giving your more options. Now if you want to get all analytical about it I would say that you'd have to notice that she is NOT free on Saturday night. Therefore a Saturday afternoon date would be out of the question as it would have no where to go, ie. even if you have a great time in the afternoon & want to carry things over into dinner, you couldn't. By that token Sunday afternoon is a bit of a no-goer too by virtue of the fact that most people go to work on Monday morning. Leaving you with Friday night. On the other hand, if she is playing a testing game about this, it could be that Friday night is the worst choice 'cause she'll interpret that as a pitch for sex on your part. Sorry, but the point I'm trying to make is that it's easy to suffer paralysis by analysis, so you should try not to do it. Just choose the time that is most convenient for you & go with that. If she is playing some kind of testing game personally I wouldn't be much interested in her anyway.
Author closeau Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 Thanks Alphamale, I appreciate the manly advice, but I have to admit that it is nice to see a woman break with traditional gender roles - getting asked out by a cute woman works for me! Bluechocolate, Some sage advice, and I love the "suffer paralysis through analysis line," but isn't that, in fact, the reason why we're all here? I get your point that I maybe over analyzing all this, but since I've been out of the dating scene for a while I'm just trying to figure out her thought process(es).
cal gal Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Don't get me wrong because I love Alpha and his input, as a gal, I would just want both parties to be honest and upfront. Either it is going to work or it isn't. I like that she was laying things out for you (want to she each other again? and which time/day might you prefer?) I do agree with Alpha for the next move AFTER the date this weekend - YOU NEED TO TAKE CHARGE. Do not be mean or elusive, just set the guidelines and see how she responds. You could say "I'm not sure if I'll be in town next weekend, but if it works out that I am - are you available Saturday evening?) The answer will come and if she says she will be available - you can tell her that you will call by mid-week to allow her to know of your plans.
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