I think I am gonna break NC

[Simons]

I think I should break NC and tell her how much i am hurt. This is my 5th month with NC and this lady is doing nothing!. She is not calling, no text msg, no IM, nothing!!.

 

Well i am not gonna live with it and just assume things are ok. I need to tell her how she was so selfish just to break things over the phone and got into a relationship immediately. I need to tell how she treated me when i was her bf.

 

I have tried to move on, but there is so much anger in me that is proving so hard to ignore. Please help me????, i am gonna loose my head.

[Art_Critic]

Do a role reversal and tell yourself how you would feel in her shoes if she did that to you ..

 

Role reversal requires thinking like them..

 

Don't break NC and tell her how hurt you are.. she doesn't care.

 

some people just move on and never look back.. looks like she did that

[CaliGuy]

I think I should break NC and tell her how much i am hurt. This is my 5th month with NC and this lady is doing nothing!. She is not calling, no text msg, no IM, nothing!!.

 

Well i am not gonna live with it and just assume things are ok. I need to tell her how she was so selfish just to break things over the phone and got into a relationship immediately. I need to tell how she treated me when i was her bf.

 

I have tried to move on, but there is so much anger in me that is proving so hard to ignore. Please help me????, i am gonna loose my head.

 

I agree with AC. What good will that do but only make HER feel better for breaking up with you.

 

She doesn't care that you are hurt. She has moved on. You should do the same. Let go and stick to NC. You will never heal and be able to have a healthy relationship unless you reflect on what happened, strive for self improvement, go to the gym, hang out with friends, etc.

 

Nothing good can come of telling someone off. She'll just roll her eyes at your email and say to herself "Boy, I was sure right about that one."

 

If you want to wrest control of your life back, you have to COMPLETELY LET GO.

[qnmc]

I agree with the role reversal idea.

 

"Well i am not gonna live with it and just assume things are ok. I need to tell her how she was so selfish just to break things over the phone and got into a relationship immediately. I need to tell how she treated me when i was her bf."

 

A great technique I've heard of in this situation is to write them a letter with everything you've ever wanted to tell them, but... DO NOT SEND IT. It serves as a great release while at the same time maintaining your dignity.

 

If you call her the only thing you will do is sacrifice your dignity. The next time you see her, and odds are you will run into her some day, you will have gone from being that guy who things just didn't work out with to that psycho he b*tched me out on the phone. Plus, females TALK. An instance like this will be talked about amongst her friends and who knows whose potential ear it ends up in... maybe that girl you're finally ready to move on with.

 

Trust me, you will get through all of this in time. As a man, you want to be able to look back on this and say that you were bigger than it, that you maintained your dignity through it all. Think about, in your experience has anything good ever come of giving into anger?

 

Trust me, I know how tough this is. But Dignity, man, Dignity.

[Simons]

how do i get rid off all these anger, resentments i have for her????. i need to get rid of all these negative energy...I am sure i am not breaking NC to convice her to get back with me ,NO. That aint gonna happen.

[CaliGuy]

how do i get rid off all these anger, resentments i have for her????. i need to get rid of all these negative energy...I am sure i am not breaking NC to convice her to get back with me ,NO. That aint gonna happen.

 

You do it by LETTING GO my friend. Take control of your feelings and your life by resigning yourself to the fact it's over and you MUST move on.

 

When you realize you are better off without her, that you deserve better and than you want control over your life and feelings, then you will earnest let go and move on.

 

It's the only way.

[Art_Critic]

beat out the anger by running or a punching bag or some physical exercise..

 

The anger will subside when you channel your energy into something other than her..

[Simons]

By going behind my back and getting her self a bf when to me i still hought we were bf/gf is a slap on my face. How is silence on my part gonna restore my didnity??. To her i am nothing and she can do anything she wants and i do nothing.

 

No i need to let know she cannot get a way with it!!

[justhavetoletgo]

she did get away with it believe me somewhere down the road this will catch up with her........she dumped you over the phone she has no %$&ing guts man you are better off with out her trust me what you do to others will be done to you one day she will have the same thing happen irregardless silence is the best thing in this case what is the best that could come with confronting her? nothing so what you vent your frustrations like caliguy said she will roll her eyes.........this girl seems like she has issues if she needs to dump someone over the phone you are better off without her

 

goodluck with what ever you do

[qnmc]

The fact is it happened. I know this is a BITTER BITTER pill to swallow. But now it's in the past. It's what we do going forward that counts. Not that I'm in to mysticism, but for lack of a better way of saying it, Kharma will catch up with someone when they do something like this. If anything, by maintaining NC you're showing her that she did not beat you. People in general like attention, women LOVE it. So all you will end up doing is pumping up her ego and any nagging regrets in her head about not having you in her life will vanish.

 

Question for you, do you work out? I've seen CaliGuy mention working out quite a bit and I wholeheartedly agree. There is a mental connection with working out. It kicks up your endorphins (your "happy" brain chemical) and allows you to think clearly. Trust me, I've wanted to call my ex in moments of pain, but I am really really glad that I didn't. I went and worked out instead.

 

Also, do you have a friend you can call who understands what you're going through. I've got a coule friends and family members who are on my "call instead of the ex list." They've talked me down every time and I can't thank them enough for it.

 

Eventually you will get to the point where you are able to let go of the weight that is pain and anger. It will happen. NC is the shortest route to getting there. Breaking NC takes you back to square 1.

[Simons]

Thanks guy..i know you guys make a lot more sence. I have tried to be cool for 4 months. May be am angry becacause she is not calling. I wonder where this feeling i have now is coming from. Probably another phase all together.

 

I'll try to write a letter to myself and send it to me.

[greenshift]

After my divorce I developed a bad habit of sending sappy poor-me-you-suck emails followed by poor-me-i-love-you emails to my ex. After awhile, I decided to stop being so pathetic (ie, started regaining some self respect), and I started a blog. I haven't told anyone where it is, it's not indexed by any search engines - you have to know where it is to get to it, pretty much.

 

Uh, there is a small exception to that, but its unimportant at the moment.

 

The point is, writing in a public venue (even though no one will see it) gives me some validation and peace. I get to have my say, but I don't have to give her more ammunition or material to gloat over. It's been very cathartic.

[Simons]

So in general it is accurate to say she has moved on..that is why she is not calling or she is feeling guilty for breaking things up the way she did??

[pandnh4]

she's probably moved on or doesn't care anymore... 3 weeks now and i'm pretty convinced my ex isn't going to contact me... it would *ruin* her pride, that is if she ever even realized how badly she treated me and refused to take responsibility...

if you're still having issues this many months later, perhaps you might consider speaking with a counselor or therapist, or joining a support group... they help ALOT!!!

[Simons]

she's probably moved on or doesn't care anymore... 3 weeks now and i'm pretty convinced my ex isn't going to contact me... it would *ruin* her pride, that is if she ever even realized how badly she treated me and refused to take responsibility...

if you're still having issues this many months later, perhaps you might consider speaking with a counselor or therapist, or joining a support group... they help ALOT!!!

 

The thing is, I don't want her back. It just angers me, given the fact that she knows how we were together, trust and honesty. For a while i thought she might call to say she is sorry. I could have forgiven her. But i find it hard to do that now.

[qnmc]

A good piece of advice I read was the power of forgiveness. When you forgive someone in effect you forgive yourself. You may not actually ever get an apology from their lips, and you may not ever actually tell them you've forgiven them, but anger, pain, and hate are tough weights to carry around. You end up carrying them to other relationships and taking them out on someone who is just trying love you... then you alienate that person (and you may not know why at the time, that it is because of this baggage)... and you're single again.

 

By forgiving someone you are taking back your power in the situation. You are saying I am granting you forgiveness. Sounds kind of hokey but it works. I'm not saying it will work right away, as we all know, we tend to backslide during this process. But forgiveness will help in letting it go.

[greenshift]

So what if she's sorry? So what if it was a slap in the face?

 

This is all about your pride and the sooner you realize that the better off you'll be.

 

Let it go. Move on. I know you're mad, but revenge and fishing for apologies are not going to make it better - you're just prolonging your pain.

[Simons]

The bible says if someone wrongs you, go to him or her and tell them how they wronged you and forgive them.

 

It is not possible to forgive someone out of sight??. They might not know you have forgiven them. If you are quiet, to them it might still be a war, a game , name it..

[qnmc]

I think the Bible may imply that you are in a good place and not angry when you forgive them... that you are honestly forgiving them.

 

I'm not sure that you're there just yet. In starts and stops I'm getting there. But it is a process.

 

In my moments where I would like to pick up the phone and give them a piece of my mind, I remind myself that my ex does not deserve the ego boost in knowing that I am sometimes still in pain over her. She flat out doesn't deserve it. Let her wonder what I'm up to, let her wonder who I'm with. Silence from your end lets her assume the worst, that she is not that great, that you have indeed moved on to someone more attractive than her, smarter than her, sexier than her, in better shape than her... in other words someone who is BETTER than her. And you will find someone who is better than her and look back on this time with a bit of laugh. You'll ask yourself - again, why did I sweat this person?

[Onwards]

Simons,

I have been there man...twice. Two women wronged me in a bad way within about 6 months of each other.

 

I absolutely let rip at one of them (about 3 weeks later). I told her exactly what I thought of her and what she had done. I called her every name under the sun (and a few more ) and got everything off my chest.

 

Y'know what? I got off the phone and I felt great....for about 2 hours.

I felt as though she had made me become someone that I never was (even for a 2 minue phonecall) and I realised that all I had done by abusing her was given her a reason not to regret her 'decision'.

 

The relief that you will feel by verbally abusing your ex will only be momentary my friend, believe me.

 

 

On the second occasion, I KNEW that I shouldn't do the same thing (tell her what I thought of her) but I had the same irresistable urge...I felt like I had to let her know what an a grade b*tch she had been. It really was a battle not to make the same mistake - even knowing that I would feel worse after doing it.

 

But, I counted to 10 (more like 1000) and didn't. The urge was still there however...and eventually I weakened, BUT I didn't abuse her.

 

I wrote an email *thanking* her for leaving me. I didn't do it in a passive aggressive way either, I said that I had come to realise that we were 2 different people with different outlooks on life and that she had done me a favour by setting me free....and that I wished her the best.

 

I felt good after sending it, because I had taken the high road, and deep down I knew that what I had written was the truth.

 

If I had my time over though, I would not have taken either action - I would have let it be. In fact, with my current break-up that is just what I am doing. There is a great feeling in being 'above' letting your ex know how much they affect you (especially months after the break-up).

 

Don't contact her bro.

[Simons]

I think the Bible may imply that you are in a good place and not angry when you forgive them... that you are honestly forgiving them.

 

I'm not sure that you're there just yet. In starts and stops I'm getting there. But it is a process.

 

In my moments where I would like to pick up the phone and give them a piece of my mind, I remind myself that my ex does not deserve the ego boost in knowing that I am sometimes still in pain over her. She flat out doesn't deserve it. Let her wonder what I'm up to, let her wonder who I'm with. Silence from your end lets her assume the worst, that she is not that great, that you have indeed moved on to someone more attractive than her, smarter than her, sexier than her, in better shape than her... in other words someone who is BETTER than her. And you will find someone who is better than her and look back on this time with a bit of laugh. You'll ask yourself - again, why did I sweat this person?

 

 

Something is not right here..i think something is missing. Why take this stand?. To me this is part of the game.

 

4 months i still feel the anger, it is like being in jail for a crime you never committed and being told to forgive. That is horrible, and this is not right.

Why should i carry this burden without saying a word???

 

I'll give it one week, if i still feel the same, i'll get hold of her in person and talk to her. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to get her back.

 

I hope after that if i ever confront her again, then I am sick.

[greenshift]

Why should i carry this burden without saying a word???

 

You're right - that's not fair.

 

But talking to her isn't going to make that go away; it will happen in time, but by breaking NC you will actually prolong this process.

 

Do what you want, but this is very, very bad idea.

[CaliGuy]

By going behind my back and getting her self a bf when to me i still hought we were bf/gf is a slap on my face. How is silence on my part gonna restore my didnity??. To her i am nothing and she can do anything she wants and i do nothing.

 

No i need to let know she cannot get a way with it!!

 

Silence is golden. By saying anything to her at all you are saying in essense "My happiness and my feelings are you in your control."

 

Is that really what you want to tell her? I guarantee you will if you say a single word to her.

[qnmc]

You're right, it is a horrible thing to carry around with you. But eventually you get to a breaking point, where you are sick of carrying it around. It's at that point that you're ready to forgive... but the forgiveness is not for her, it's for you. This is a different kind of forgiveness. It's releasing yourself from the pain and the power that it has had over you.

[CaliGuy]

The thing is, I don't want her back. It just angers me, given the fact that she knows how we were together, trust and honesty. For a while i thought she might call to say she is sorry. I could have forgiven her. But i find it hard to do that now.

 

So what will telling her off do other than show her you haven't moved on and gotten over it?! What everyone is trying to tell you is that simply by making contact with her you're letting her know you are still stuck in the past and not moving on.

 

It will not change her feelings, only validate whatever reasons she had for leaving. It may even make HER feel better. Is that what you want?

 

The only way to move on and get over this is to let go completely. Go hit the gym, hang out with friends, find some hobbies. Forget about her man. She's not living in the past, neither should you.