Love

[John]

I've been dating a girl for about two months. I really love being with her and we have so much fun together. This past weekend she told me that "she really cares for me", and that she "really loves being with me" too. I'm 21, never being in love. I don't think that I'm in love but I'm getting there. The only reason I'm holding back is because she told me "if it happens it happens, but I don't want it to happen". Being in love again that is. She's 23, has a bachelor's degree and I don't. Sometimes I feel like she's a little more experienced than me. which might be true. I've being with several other women before but never nothing serious. It was always just friends with benefit. But for the first time I actually have feelings for a girl. I guess my question would be, should I tell her that I'm falling in love with her? Or should I wait?

[Tony T]

Well, if you feel like it's happening for you and she doesn't want it to happen for her I think the two of you should have a nice talk.

 

Let her know that your feelings for her are intensifying and that you are concerned about the fact that she is obviously not wanting anything like that.

 

There is no real point in continuing to see someone if they aren't going to open themselves up to what may happen, which is what is required. Her statement to you that "if it happens it happens but she doesn't want it to happen" is confusing and contradictory. Have her explain what she means.

 

There's really no reason to continue on to the point of being hurt if she's not going to open her heart to you. On the other hand, you can take a big gamble with your heart that it does happen. You just never know. And people don't like to be nailed down to stuff like this. There's no way she can tell you now whether or not she'll ever fall in love with you. However, she can tell you exactly how she feels and what direction her feelings seem to be traveling.

 

Don't make all this too mushy. For her to really get into you, you've still got to be a mystery, a challenge and she cannot begin to see you as a lovesick pup. So be a man about all this and if she totally puts the whole thing down, don't act like you're devastated.

 

You just never know how things like this will go.

[Dragonflys]

"if it happens it happens, but I don't want it to happen".

 

What she may mean by this comment is that she does not wish to consciously force/be aware of it to happen, but rather she hopes that she is just drawn to you. She may be speaking spiritual languuage here. I just finished glancing through some Joseph Campbell, hence the insight.

 

I think it is important that you approach this carefully. Don't give her any feeling of being obligated to feel for you because you feel for her. Rather, subtly let her know how you feel and why you feel that way, but take her feelings out of your mind.

 

If it happens it happens....whether she likes it or not!!!

 

Oliver

[Surfer Guy]

Dude...just tell her! I mean, even she said, "if it was meant to be, it was meant to be." I mean, what have you got to lose? If you tell her and she doesn't feel the same about you, then at least you will know, and at least you were honest. If she can't appreciate at least that much, then she's not even worth it!!! But if she does feel the same way, then great! Everything should be cool from now on. Good luck and just tell her how you feel!!!

I've been dating a girl for about two months. I really love being with her and we have so much fun together. This past weekend she told me that "she really cares for me", and that she "really loves being with me" too. I'm 21, never being in love. I don't think that I'm in love but I'm getting there. The only reason I'm holding back is because she told me "if it happens it happens, but I don't want it to happen". Being in love again that is. She's 23, has a bachelor's degree and I don't. Sometimes I feel like she's a little more experienced than me. which might be true. I've being with several other women before but never nothing serious. It was always just friends with benefit. But for the first time I actually have feelings for a girl. I guess my question would be, should I tell her that I'm falling in love with her? Or should I wait?