PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Okay...where to begin....ok I've known this guy for about 8 months. It's been on and off and our attractions for each other are sky high. We haven't dated but, we know we are really attracted to each other, so what's the point of dating??? I know I like him, his personality is great!!! Really ambitious like me, funny like me, and well I can only imagine how hot we can be intimately!!!! Now I don't want to expect a relationshiop out of this cause then BAMMMM it goes to crap.....but this makes me think? Isn't dating in the beginning just SEX? Especially once you know the person is great! We've emailed each other and talked and hung out because of his co-workers who are my friends.....so....is this a good thing? TO BE HONEST....I'm scared! Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Do you really want a FWB? It souns like you two have some passion somewhere. I don't know about sex then relationship. Granted you two already have beginnings of a friendship if you two are talking to each other, hanging out. Since you are ambitious, ask him out. After that, you have a dating relationship / FWB and yes it may go bad but in the meantime; ask him out first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 Do you really want a FWB? . Funny how you say that. He told me that he's always been attracted to me and that I'm a great person and he is so comfortable with me. He does't want to mess up our friendship and bond yet he is still so willing to be intimate with me. Shows me he cares. Yet cares enought to test our friendship....to the next level. FWB....Hmmmmm......Do I really want that? That's the thing....We hang out every other month. Due to our schedules. We hang out mostly around our friends and happy hour. We've never kissed but, we've always flirted and have had great conversations emails and in person.... Yet our body language says it all.... I want to cross that line but yet I don't because he's so awesome. Tough place.... I want to ask him out tommorrow nite for a gathering at a pub. I don't see myself actually going out with this guy at a restruant or something. He's mentioned it....about us hanging out to see where things go because he's asked me what I'd say if he told me he wanted to be intimate with me. I'd say no because I don;t want to mess up our frienship, yet what I'd do is totally different. I know me. =) It's hard to resist what two people really want inside. So...date first? Alone time? I mean our emails have gotten so out of control sexually all I do is think of him in really erotic ways. Anyway... I've tried to date guys normally like, start dating, but it always turns out to be so hot and erotic, yet when time passes it just get's boring. I don't want that to happen with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Funny how you say that. He told me that he's always been attracted to me and that I'm a great person and he is so comfortable with me. He does't want to mess up our friendship and bond yet he is still so willing to be intimate with me. Shows me he cares. Yet cares enought to test our friendship....to the next level. FWB....Hmmmmm......Do I really want that? That's the thing....We hang out every other month. Due to our schedules. We hang out mostly around our friends and happy hour. We've never kissed but, we've always flirted and have had great conversations emails and in person.... Sounds good to push the boundaries, granted both of you wanted to test it. Every other month... that sounds like a fling bordering FWB. Yet our body language says it all.... I want to cross that line but yet I don't because he's so awesome. Tough place.... Actions speak louder than words... I want to ask him out tommorrow nite for a gathering at a pub. I don't see myself actually going out with this guy at a restruant or something. He's mentioned it....about us hanging out to see where things go because he's asked me what I'd say if he told me he wanted to be intimate with me. I'd say no because I don;t want to mess up our frienship, yet what I'd do is totally different. I know me. =) It's hard to resist what two people really want inside. You sounds like "my-ex" right now, scary. She would cross the line and bring up the sex topic and number of times and places. There are posts on "not messing up our friendship" on LS. So...date first? Alone time? I mean our emails have gotten so out of control sexually all I do is think of him in really erotic ways. Anyway... I've tried to date guys normally like, start dating, but it always turns out to be so hot and erotic, yet when time passes it just get's boring. I don't want that to happen with this guy. well at least the passion, attraction, lust??, fire are there. Sounds like you are addicted to the chase and once you are caught you still want to be chased. How about this. What does your woman's instinct say? Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Okay...where to begin....ok I've known this guy for about 8 months. It's been on and off and our attractions for each other are sky high. We haven't dated but, we know we are really attracted to each other, so what's the point of dating??? I know I like him, his personality is great!!! Really ambitious like me, funny like me, and well I can only imagine how hot we can be intimately!!!! Now I don't want to expect a relationshiop out of this cause then BAMMMM it goes to crap.....but this makes me think? Isn't dating in the beginning just SEX? Especially once you know the person is great! We've emailed each other and talked and hung out because of his co-workers who are my friends.....so....is this a good thing? TO BE HONEST....I'm scared! Once your guy friend that had feelings for you knows about this his heart is going to break to pieces!!! This is exactly the reason why I never ask my "friend" whether she is seeing someone now. But the good thing is even she won't talk about other men. never ever! I don't think there is anything more painful than seeing the one you pine for getting attracted to someone else and making love to them. I have now come to a conclusion that to be interested in someone and have the other person feel the same way is completely dependent upon luck! It just seems toooooooooo difficult and I am surprised to no end whenever I see couples everywhere... God life is horrible! I just wish it all ends soon.... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I have now come to a conclusion that to be interested in someone and have the other person feel the same way is completely dependent upon luck! Noclobber, To keep your next relationship from going to the friends zone you must tell her of your romantic interest right from the get go. You will then know where you stand and your ego and feelings will not suffer near as much as you haven't spent months or years in emotional frustration. The bottom line is if you have and attraction do not go the friends route first but become romantic and then become friends. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Noclobber, To keep your next relationship from going to the friends zone you must tell her of your romantic interest right from the get go. You will then know where you stand and your ego and feelings will not suffer near as much as you haven't spent months or years in emotional frustration. The bottom line is if you have and attraction do not go the friends route first but become romantic and then become friends. Thanks Yamaha I am the kind of person that grows on somebody and then decide to take action on my feelings. But I feel like I have grown several lifetimes from this one experience I had with this girl. I will not let this happen in the future. I will be a better person next time! Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I have now come to a conclusion that to be interested in someone and have the other person feel the same way is completely dependent upon luck! It just seems toooooooooo difficult and I am surprised to no end whenever I see couples everywhere... I agree with Yamaha in voicing your feelings. I have noticed this issue alot in Friends first, relationship later; well friendship could be 5 minutes (remember the f***able or friendship zone) or 5 days. So voice your opinions, fight like your avatar but with clobbering. Get the gist? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I don't know what kind of relationships you have, but mine involve a lot more than sex. And personally I would be insulted (and have been in the past) when male friends want to have sex but stay friends so we "don't mess up the friendship" which is guy code for, AFAIK, "I'm too lazy to invest in a committed relationship but I want to f*** you." Guys think lots of women are sexually attractive. That's easy. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually -- that's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 That's the thing I can't really put my finger on it. He knows what I want as in their are standards that were raised recently for me. I usually just go with the flow...whatever feels right and natural. I don't over thing the situation or over analyze. I try not to because then I just won't go through with having any kind of relationshiop with a person, I mean it shouldn't be complicated at first period. =) I don't like to cross the whole FWB thing. We have the same mutual feelings for each other as far as what we think of each other but, as far as wanting a relationship, I know he's not ready for one and I'm not one to pursue a relationship if it doesn't feel right. The thing is I feel that a connection is made in several ways. A conversation, body language, a kiss, emotion, support and so on. We as friends have gone through a lot of things and know a lot about our past experience and well, we know how we both would be toghether and appereantly well....it just clicks. I'm just curious to know if the majority of relationships are based with sex first and then relationship? What is dating? Just dinner? I think not....once there is a connection then what? I know then comes the intimacy. I've connected with my new guy in many ways. Now the intimate connection comes and why think of it as FWB? Why not just go with it....and have a good time with it? With no expectations..... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 it is impossible for a human being who has experienced life to not have expectations. but suit yourself. why not start a sex-based relationship with him and see what happens. Please update us so we can hear your findings. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 My rule: No sex without a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 I have more standards than expectaions....when I'm dating someone I'm dating them because I like to be around them and like to have a good time. I "hardly" ever worry about expectations....because that's how I get dissapointed. I think I will go with that sex based, friendship with him. I have had them before and I have not burned my bridges so far where they have eneded bad. I usually end something before it gets bad. =) Very percautious. =) Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 hi plentylv007 i am just curious to know... you have a guy friend that you like a lot but rejected him when he conveyed his feelings for you. now you have met somebody and you are totally into him. can i ask what did you see extra in the second guy? having read many posts by women in LS i am just coming to a conclusion that a relationship is completely and totally based on sex. i was immature all these days thinking that other ingredients like genuine affection and caring matter the most but i am just realizing how wrong i have been all these days. if you don't feel like having sex with somebody then they become your friends and nothing more. correct me if i am wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 hi plentylv007 i am just curious to know... you have a guy friend that you like a lot but rejected him when he conveyed his feelings for you. now you have met somebody and you are totally into him. can i ask what did you see extra in the second guy? having read many posts by women in LS i am just coming to a conclusion that a relationship is completely and totally based on sex. i was immature all these days thinking that other ingredients like genuine affection and caring matter the most but i am just realizing how wrong i have been all these days. if you don't feel like having sex with somebody then they become your friends and nothing more. correct me if i am wrong. Some of us have had our share of sex-based relationships and are sick of the emptiness. don't take this to be the rule. also younger women are more apt to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 hi plentylv007 i am just curious to know... you have a guy friend that you like a lot but rejected him when he conveyed his feelings for you. now you have met somebody and you are totally into him. can i ask what did you see extra in the second guy? having read many posts by women in LS i am just coming to a conclusion that a relationship is completely and totally based on sex. i was immature all these days thinking that other ingredients like genuine affection and caring matter the most but i am just realizing how wrong i have been all these days. if you don't feel like having sex with somebody then they become your friends and nothing more. correct me if i am wrong. Don't ever base your intentions and what you want based on what somebody else wants. What I'm doing is taking a chance. I know I like him and I know he likes me, I know he's scared to get into another relationship just as much as I'm. Clobber you can't force the "spark" in a relationship. With my "old" friend, I cared so much about him and never saw him in a relationship / intimate way. There are several things that is important other than Intimacy in a relationship at first BUT I've learned that the SEX DRIVE does fade and then you just love the way the person is. I've gone through one serious relationship and all the other people I've dated was just based on sexual adventures and having someone great to hang around with. I've tried doing the approach of I want a relationship which honestly scares most men. You can't just come out that way....you can't just grow a relationship over night. Everything starts with a great connection and when you go from there is up to the couple. I'm not saying I jump the shack the same night.... =) No.... I go out on a couple of dates and then who knows..... =) Clobber your doing the right thing!!! Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 thanks blind_otter, but if the sexual attraction is not there then the guy and the girl wouldn't even go on a date, would they? that's the stop, right there!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 Blind ottter I know what you mean with the whole emptiness effect and feeling when just going around and having meaningful relations. With this guy I'm talking about it's not like that....I've known him for about 8 months we email almost every day....sure about sex but also about our issues and past. We've hung out and well I know where he stands as much as he knows where I stand. We both know in order to find out what we really are about is to hang out and that is our next step. REALITY speaking the majority of relationship while "dating" is based on the other person's personality, goals as well as intimacy. I'm just being realistic. Not all love relationshiop's, romance and dating is like in the movies! Sure there are some but not all!!! =) Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Don't ever base your intentions and what you want based on what somebody else wants. What I'm doing is taking a chance. I know I like him and I know he likes me, I know he's scared to get into another relationship just as much as I'm. Clobber you can't force the "spark" in a relationship. With my "old" friend, I cared so much about him and never saw him in a relationship / intimate way. There are several things that is important other than Intimacy in a relationship at first BUT I've learned that the SEX DRIVE does fade and then you just love the way the person is. I've gone through one serious relationship and all the other people I've dated was just based on sexual adventures and having someone great to hang around with. I've tried doing the approach of I want a relationship which honestly scares most men. You can't just come out that way....you can't just grow a relationship over night. Everything starts with a great connection and when you go from there is up to the couple. I'm not saying I jump the shack the same night.... =) No.... I go out on a couple of dates and then who knows..... =) Clobber your doing the right thing!!! thank you just a general question. what exactly do you women mean when you say "you are not my type". is it tied to the personality and interests or is it something else? after my 'friend' said she didn't have feelings for me she mentioned "you are not my type". i asked her what she meant by that and she said "okay, let me tell you my big secret. i will only marry a Jew or atleast a Christian". she is a very honest and straightforward woman that doesn't mind hurting peoples' feelings by telling the truth. i am from India and i am a Hindu. i can't go and change "my type" for some woman now hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 EXACTLY!!!!! =) I'm very honest too just like her. Not too bluntly to hurt someone's feelings but like my "old" friend said to me that I'm very hurtful when it comes to be honest. I don't mean to be, so I try my best not to be too blunt or too honest about things. I mean it's a fact...Truth hurts.... Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 EXACTLY!!!!! =) I'm very honest too just like her. Not too bluntly to hurt someone's feelings but like my "old" friend said to me that I'm very hurtful when it comes to be honest. I don't mean to be, so I try my best not to be too blunt or too honest about things. I mean it's a fact...Truth hurts.... ok, so can you tell more about this type thing? does it include religion also? after i heard my friend saying that she will only marry a Jew i was intensely surprised. i thought America was an advanced country but then realized that its just like the Indian villages where people can marry only if they belong to the same religion and caste. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 I can't speak for your friend but the majority of people when it comes to religion is very important! Some chose to date/relationship/marry other's in their same religion and even their heritage and history. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I can't speak for your friend but the majority of people when it comes to religion is very important! Some chose to date/relationship/marry other's in their same religion and even their heritage and history. Great! Next time when some American mocks at our Indian arranged marriages where people ought to marry someone belonging to the same religion and caste i will give it back to them straight! Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 EXACTLY!!!!! =) I'm very honest too just like her. Not too bluntly to hurt someone's feelings but like my "old" friend said to me that I'm very hurtful when it comes to be honest. I don't mean to be, so I try my best not to be too blunt or too honest about things. I mean it's a fact...Truth hurts.... Very true, well my "old" friend I feel I've lost the caring feeling or any other feelings for that matter. I like your posts about sex before or sex with relationships. I've never had sex then relationship, more relationship then sex. ONS not with withstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Very true, well my "old" friend I feel I've lost the caring feeling or any other feelings for that matter. I like your posts about sex before or sex with relationships. I've never had sex then relationship, more relationship then sex. ONS not with withstanding. The biggest lesson I have learnt -> Sex before and above everything else! I got to retrain my brain and learn to see women as sex objects. Link to post Share on other sites
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