jerbear Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 alphamale's guide to keeping a woman! :lmao: Guess he is right... Well needless to say I backed off from her, "she initiated it" and I back off. We'll see what happens when she gets back. Honestly, I will go up to her, kiss her then walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 alphamale's guide to keeping a woman! :lmao: Guess he is right... Well needless to say I backed off from her, "she initiated it" and I back off. We'll see what happens when she gets back. Honestly, I will go up to her, kiss her then walk away. make sure you bang her before you walk away! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 The biggest lesson I have learnt -> Sex before and above everything else! I got to retrain my brain and learn to see women as sex objects. Don't do that. Jeez, a little suggestion and ya gotta take it all the way to the furthest extreme? C'mon, man. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 make sure you bang her before you walk away! First meet up and she want she wants first, end the conversation after 1 hour. I might goto UK next week. As much as I want to... the last guy that had her was my dad's age... that disgusts me a little. I'll start another thread later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 Ur killing me clobber..... Just go with your gut instincts. When you tell a girl you like her, that's already telling her you like everything about her. Her attractiveness, her personality, everything even the sex. You don't have to put it out there because you'll scare her away. Telling a woman you want her as only a sexual object is sometimes insulting. A lot of women don't react well to that! They want to be seen as more than just sex..... but if you do want to go there....you need to play your cards right.... =) Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 For women the FWB thing is a double edged sword. We want to satisfy physical desires but with that our emotions always come into play and end up in a tanged mess. I have never had a FWB thing work out. As a general rule of thumb woman are too emotional about sex, whether we want to be or not. The emotions desire to be fulfilled with the sexual desires. I definitely prefer to stay away from the FWBs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 The majority of women do get attached because of sex...I don't. I block out my feelings completely. I've never had problems in my FWB...and we still end up being good friends. I still talk to all my FWB....JUST TALK! =) Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I wish I could, if so I'd be getting laid! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 Have you tried.... ? You know how I first learned....I call them "projects" . I test myself to see how I do. Example: Let's say I want to see if I'm ready for a relationship. So the next guy that I meet, I'll test it out. Become available, call him, be open to a relationship....then if I'm just not ready or not feeling the relationship, I move on. IMO....life is a test. I've been lucky where I realized what fits me better to move on from a person that I really like. Out of all the dating encounters I've had I've only really cared about 2 of them. Where I've actually had feelings but, they didn't want the relatioship so I distance myself, for them to keep coming.....then to see them, then to hold them and kiss them was killer! Anyway....only 2 times which is not bad. Before I use to fall for every guy that would tell me I'm such a great person!!! =) not now. Tom it's all about control.... Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Yeah I tried and it wasn't my cup of tea. Part of the problem is my parents were very religious and made me believe I'd go to hell if I did the act before marraige. (Guess I am going to hell). I need commitment and a longterm relationship first but not marriage or anything. Not even love but a genuine care. The church and society has pissed on the natural desire for women wanting sex. I know this but always end up confused, dissapointed and guilty in a FWB thing. I will admit though I have done it twice. But as things progressed in time it wasn't worth it for emotional cost. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Ur killing me clobber..... I am sorry! I have been extremely frustrated and was contemplating suicide today (if you want please see my thread - I want to die). Whatever that's coming out of me has been negative and angry of late. I am dealing with my demons... I hope I will be alrite soon. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I wish I could, if so I'd be getting laid! That would be me and I'm the guy, I was comtemplating FWB or just B by itself. Link to post Share on other sites
pisces writer Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 great eyes otter sex is vital and healthy, but there has to be more. much more Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 I am sorry! I have been extremely frustrated and was contemplating suicide today (if you want please see my thread - I want to die). Whatever that's coming out of me has been negative and angry of late. I am dealing with my demons... I hope I will be alrite soon. Thank you Clobber...tell me you were joking? Why would you do that? Or want to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Clobber...tell me you were joking? Why would you do that? Or want to do that? No, I am not joking. I am serious... You can see my thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=83451 But I am feeling much better now... Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Plentylv007, I'm just curious to know if the majority of relationships are based with sex first and then relationship? You mean 'sex first' as in sex before love? I'd say a lot of people make love to each other before they actually decide they're going to commit to the person indefinitely, yes. For many, sexual chemistry may be a pre-requisite for commitment; for others, it's secondary. Depends on the couple. My own advice is, if you want a solid relationship, wait a little on the sex part. I don't mean you have to wait until marriage, but wait at least a month or until at least the 5th date, and preferably, I'd wait until the 10th date or after the second month. I don't mean that this has to be followed strictly and I guess anywhere between the two points I mentioned is fine; but generally speaking, I'd say it takes about that long to figure out what kind of compatibility two people have together. The important thing isn't so much checking your calender to see if it's the 60-day mark; it's just making sure you've looked at the person objectively. You have to determine whether or not they meet your standards. Anyone can put on a show. Anyone can be ambitious, too. But their values are what you're looking at here, and that can only be studied by judging their conduct with you over time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlentyLV007 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Well....it's come to this..... with my friend that I've known for 8-9 months...we've talked and hanged out...does that count as dating w/ no sex???! Now he's questioning....well c the conversation we had for yourself peeps and tell me what you think>..... Friend:My only question to you is what is your outlook on the sexual activities without the relationship/dating for the time being? ME: “Outlook on the sexual activities w/ out the relationship/dating for the time being” You mean your time being….why is there a time…? I’m sure you know that “time” waits for no man…. =) FACT: w/ out a mind connection, understanding and appreciation for the other, sex it is empty and not enjoyable unless you have a couple of drinks! =) I want there to be acknowledgement that I’m not just some “doll with holes”….that a person can just pick up and use, clean up and put away for their sexual needs/pleasure. I have needs too….but I’m not mindless and senseless….in order for me to really enjoy pleasurable good sex….their has to be a mind connection too…. I’m the type of person…that lets it ride……I love having a good time w/ someone just because I can have a good time w/ them. Either being in the sheets, hanging out, or just being hang tan! I don’t chain down a person that I have a sexual/emotional connection with. That’s not me…..I don’t question “where is this going”, “what are we doing”, “when will we be something”…. =) I’ve done the whole FWB, one night stands, sex w/ out any type of connection….and it’s shallow and empty on my part. I know what I deserve….and what I want. HIM: Now I have a better understanding after reading this. I think me and you have a strong connection and that is why both of us are trying to make this work. So...comments??? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I think you handled it well, just make sure you stick to your guns. He seemed like he was throwing the idea of FWB out there, hoping you'd take it, but then softened up a little bit when he heard your response. I would just stick to your guns and do things on your timetable. If you feel like having a go within the next two or three dates, well then go for it; if not, don't. Personally, I'd wait, but each person's different. You've known each other for 8 months so it's not like there's no connection or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 with my friend that I've known for 8-9 months...we've talked and hanged out...does that count as dating w/ no sex???! I have the same question. If a guy and a girl (both single) hang out a lot for around 8 months - lunches, movies, dinners, games, etc just by themselves is it considered to be dating without the sex part??? But there is no flirting or complimenting.. How exactly would you call this type of relation? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 It could be, noclobber. But then again, with relationships, there's always the mystery factor. Many times, people just leave things unsaid, and it can get confusing. The longer you go on without actually talking about what you really want or expect, the more complicated things can become. I think that's why you've got to make your intentions clear from the start. You've got to let a woman know what you want so that there's no confusion. Going for 8 months and leaving it to chance is really setting yourself up for major disappointment. I've done that myself, but I sure as hell don't do it anymore. And when I say making things clear from the start, do it more with your actions than with words. Most importantly, never fall for someone, never develop feelings for someone unless you know that the other person sees you the same way. Check the interest level first. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 It could be, noclobber. But then again, with relationships, there's always the mystery factor. Many times, people just leave things unsaid, and it can get confusing. The longer you go on without actually talking about what you really want or expect, the more complicated things can become. I think that's why you've got to make your intentions clear from the start. You've got to let a woman know what you want so that there's no confusion. Going for 8 months and leaving it to chance is really setting yourself up for major disappointment. I've done that myself, but I sure as hell don't do it anymore. And when I say making things clear from the start, do it more with your actions than with words. Most importantly, never fall for someone, never develop feelings for someone unless you know that the other person sees you the same way. Check the interest level first. Thanks Amerikajin! Well I showed/conveyed my feelings early on and she already said she only likes me as a friend (she just came out of a very bad 3 year relationship). I am fine with it and we are now only hanging out as friends. But all my colleagues and friends that know about this repeatedly keep saying "Both of you meet almost every day and also hang out a lot just by yourselves and you are telling us that you both are only friends??? Can't believe this". I don't know what to tell them... But I do think they got a point 'cos this has been going on for like 8 months now.. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Noclobber, Be careful, and forget what your friends are saying for the moment. You're being the dreaded 'nice guy', the guy who hangs around some chick as her friend, starts getting attached to her, and then gets his heart crushed when she goes out with someone else in the end - don't do that, man. She could be more than just friends, but honestly, I kinda doubt it because she's already told you she wants just friendship. Sounds pretty cut and dry to me. Women will pretty much make it clear if they want a man, but you've got to pay close attention to signals. Took me forever to figure that out, and don't be discouraged - you can figure that out at any age (I'm 32). If you want my honest opinion, I think your lady friend likes you and respects you, and most of all, she feels safe and secure around you...but that is not in and of itself a prelude to a relationship. If there's no attraction, there's no relationship. It is entirely possible that she sees you as just a good friend she can lean on while at the same time, she may be attracted to someone else. I think you've got to be clear about what you want, and honestly assess what you think she wants from you. You will get hurt if you misread that situation for too long. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Noclobber, Be careful, and forget what your friends are saying for the moment. You're being the dreaded 'nice guy', the guy who hangs around some chick as her friend, starts getting attached to her, and then gets his heart crushed when she goes out with someone else in the end - don't do that, man. She could be more than just friends, but honestly, I kinda doubt it because she's already told you she wants just friendship. Sounds pretty cut and dry to me. Women will pretty much make it clear if they want a man, but you've got to pay close attention to signals. Took me forever to figure that out, and don't be discouraged - you can figure that out at any age (I'm 32). If you want my honest opinion, I think your lady friend likes you and respects you, and most of all, she feels safe and secure around you...but that is not in and of itself a prelude to a relationship. If there's no attraction, there's no relationship. It is entirely possible that she sees you as just a good friend she can lean on while at the same time, she may be attracted to someone else. I think you've got to be clear about what you want, and honestly assess what you think she wants from you. You will get hurt if you misread that situation for too long. Thanks for wise advice Amerikajin! But all the 'drama' is already over. I am not the typical "nice guy", right when I met her I gave her very strong signals (in the 2nd week itself) but she said that "we are just friends". I didn't know she was in an LDR at that time (she never ever mentioned about her boyfriend). After couple of months she said that she broke up with him and I thought she was conveying her single status to me. I mean, she never talked about that guy and she suddenly said about her break-up. Well anyway, two weeks later I openly told how I felt about her and she said she only likes me as a friend. We had some fights and misunderstandings later 'cos I pulled back and she pleaded me not to break the friendship. Currently we are hanging out as friends. My feelings for her have pretty much gone now and I have completely accepted her rejection. Most importantly I am not expecting for "something" to happen just by hanging out with her. I am spending time with her just because I really like to spend time with her. She does certain things that could be confusing - like when i said i may have to go back to India she said "you are breaking my heart. i will come to India and see you", always having me as the first choice for lunch, coffee, movie, games, and concerts, etc. Its confusing but I have decided to ignore these things 'cos I know that she won't date me. I have decided to date other women. Link to post Share on other sites
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