kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I realize this doesn't have much to do with interpersonal relationships but have you ever felt like you don't know what the heck you're doing with your life? I'm feeling kind of lost because I have nothing anchoring me to my life right now and for me there is so much up in the air in all of the major areas of one's life. From the outside, it looks like everyone around me has it all figured out and I'm the only one that's floating. I know that can't be true but it feels that way. Some of you must have felt this way at one point. What did you do? How did you get past it? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I have felt that way on & off for a long time. I get over it by having goals (I know this sounds trite). I have one year & five year plans in life and now I have a ten year plan. If you're working towards something then you're not wasting your time, though you may take a detour now & again. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 It's called an existential crisis. Read Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning". Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Yup, I do. My professional life is down the toilet more or less. Less than 3 years ago I was working fulltime, living my life, making really good money and had a great job. Now I don't have that. So I do understand that unsettled feeling of not knowing what is going to happen...I haven't a clue wtf I am going to do careerwise in the future. It's like starting all over again. Should be exciting and thrilling, right?? Well, to me, it's absolutely terrifying!! What I concentrate on is just living life daily. Not to look so far into the future ... It helps alot. From the outside, life can look good, but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors! Most people DO have similar problems, but they hide it out in the real world. Don't compare yourself to anybody or you life to anyone's either. I finally have learned that and it makes me feel less concerned about others and how they perceive me. People float all the time! Even the ones you never thought would, really are!! Change is good, but it can be scary too. Just take baby steps and the rest will fall into place. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 It's called an existential crisis. You would think existential would be a word often uttered here. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 one day at a time, people, everything else will follow. thinking too far ahead or behind only creates anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 You would think existential would be a word often uttered here. mostly when I write that it gets ignored or glossed over. THAT would be a hairy watercooler thread, ya think? anyways it's easier to externalize. blame it on an unhappy marriage or continually get into unhealthy relationships than to sit down and have a cup of tea with yourself for 20 minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 When you figure it out KC - would you let me know? I am in the same position right now. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 It's called an existential crisis. I know that I am going through an existential crisis right now. I've never heard of that book but I'll take a look at it. As far as making plans and goals, I've been trying to do that but I'm struggling. I really have nothing in my life right now. The best I can come up with is that I like my friends. I'm trying to make a career change but I'm all over the map. My new potential field encompasses a lot of different types of jobs in a lot of different environments that are very stable or very unstable. I have a hard time looking for a new job when I don't know what exactly I want to do. I both love and hate my city, I definitely don't like the people here and I feel that I should be moving however, it's a huge change. I'm not someone that handles change very well, it makes me feel uneasy, and I have a lot of big sweeping changes that need to be made. It makes me feel more and more unequipt to handle my own life, or to know what I'm doing. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Go get yourself a copy of "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. It's a very energy moving book, and you can only read bits at a time cuz it's overwhelming if you read too much. I found all of a sudden something I read would kick in and make complete sense to me. Then I'd go back and re-read that chapter. Noone likes change, even though it has to happen. I hate change! Have a hard time adjusting to it... B_O is right! If you think too far into the future you will cause yourself more anxiety. I do my best to not let my mind wander too far ... Forwards and backwards. Learning to live in the now is alot harder!! Let whatever happen happen. That book has helped me alot. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 which is why they advise alcoholics to take life one day at a time. It's the only thing you have really - right now. To think too much into the future or past will only make you freak out. Where are you? Here. What are you doing? This. that's it. the rest of it is always there. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I feel like I do too much soul searching as it is and I want to stop living in my head and start living my life. I'm not happy and I need to make changes or I will continue to be unhappy. The past year plus has been hands down the low point of my life. Maybe this is what it feels like to try to crawl out of that big of a hole. I feel like it would be easier to make things better in my life if I had something to live for. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 What I'm trying to say is that I have to look to the future or I won't make the changes that I need to make. I'm definitely going out of my mind, I can't even put coherent thoughts together. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 This may sound stupid...But what really helps me is paying attention to the smallest things that makes me happy. I feed off that good stuff to make my days better. Could be anything. A great cup of coffee, a homemade burger on the BBQ (how it tastes and smells!), talking to my nieces etc. And I also give myself credit for SMALL accomplishments too. To others, it may not be a big deal, but when has an anxiety disorder sometimes getting normal stuff done IS a chore. So, if I can go to the bank, pay bills, do some grocery shopping and SURVIVE all that, with some anxiety - To me that is GREAT. I then use that energy into making myself do MORE and it also teaches me that I can do all this like I used to...Not to let my mind take over and just go on to face whatever it is that I'm scared of that's giving me anxiety. Those smaller accomplishments mean more to me right now than the big ones because I'm in a different place in my life. I know I can't DO the same stuff I used to do. To pick up and just GO. Live life normally...I know my limitations right now and I accept them. It pisses me off that my life is like this, but it's not like I have much choice right now. I know in the future things WILL get better, just can't rush to get there. Gotta go through all the bulls*** stages before that happens. KC, I feel for what you're feeling and going through. You're not alone in this. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 What I'm trying to say is that I have to look to the future or I won't make the changes that I need to make. I'm definitely going out of my mind, I can't even put coherent thoughts together. This is not a good way to think. Ideally you would think about what you had to do, then let it go until you have to do it. You aren't doing this right now, your mind is very obviously thinking in circles. So until this is resolved, best to think of dealing with the present I've heard the above excuse at AA meetings innumerable times and it's faulty logic. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 In buddhism they mention being present. Aware of where you are right now. Because the future DOES NOT EXIST (yet), so WHY are you placing your awareness there, and not attending to what does exist (now)? Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 But I have nothing, I have a very empty life right now. If I focus on right now I will get depressed. If I focus on right now I won't look for a new job because I'll be focusing on the miserable one I have now. I don't understand how that is faulty logic. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 i'm not really in the mood to deal with this today. i'll come back to this thread tomorrow or the day after. you focus on now to make now better. otherwise you will keep living in your head. because you have two choices - deal with now, or live in your head. There are no other options. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 It's ok, don't worry about it blind_otter. Feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I feel like I do too much soul searching as it is and I want to stop living in my head and start living my life. I'm not happy and I need to make changes or I will continue to be unhappy. This is what I mean by having goals. Not spending time 'thinking' about the future but actually taking concrete steps to put things in place so that you can attain that goal at sometime in the future. If that makes any sense. Have you read "What Colour is My Parachute?" It's been a long time since I've had a look at that book, they update it every year. It's all about changing careers & how to go about it. It can be very juvenile, but it does offer very practical steps & exercises. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Yep, I read it years ago. I know what professional field I want to be in though. Thanks all for your advice. I'll figure it out eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Know what you're talking about! Not being able to put a coherent thought together could be depression. Have you had that possibility checked out? Frankl is a classic book. When I get in a funk like this, I force myself to count my blesssings. I'm sitting here in a sunny room in a comfy chair typing on a laptop that allows me to communicate with people across the world. (How cool is that!) I'm sipping my Diet Coke. I'm warm. I have on clean comfy clothes. I start with really small stuff and just keep going. It's amazing what we have that we fail to appreciate. Keep working on what it is you have to offer to the world, why you're here, all that EXISTENTIAL (that was for Ot and BC;) ) stuff. It doesn't have to be a grand reason like finding a cure for cancer. It can be as simple as caring for my friends or supporting my boss or whatever. But what is it that YOU have to offer. Finding that out is hard work, so cut yourself a break. Your psyche's hard at work under all the funk. See how you can help it out by being more conscious. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Yes Becoming, I've been suffering from depression for a year and a half now. I've been working up the courage to post about what caused it for close to a year now. I promised myself that I would write about it by the end of March this year. I've also had low self esteem since my last serious relationship so it's natural that I feel like my life is empty. That's not what this is really about, it's about getting my stuff together and being more grounded. It's also about being able to be less introspective and get outside of my head. I'll admit that I don't appreciate all of the things that I have but sometimes the little things just can't be enough. Almost all of the little things that I can appreciate are material and that just means nothing to me. I don't know what it is I have to offer, not much I suppose. Most people just get fed up with me so I feel I have nothing to give. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 one day at a time, people, Problem with that. It doesn't take long for one day to turn into a year to turn into several years. You can focus on the present so much that the future disappears. KC - if you are depressed, you are not thinking completely logically. Your sense that you can't find anything good about your life is caused by the depression. WWIU's got it right - it is possible to enjoy tiny little pleasures - the taste of your cup of coffee or the flower in someone's yard. As for future plans - oh yeah they're grand. But life can, and will, throw a spanner into them. I quit planning. I've tried. Life happens to plans; the research job I would have had with an international policy institute - institute got wiped out in a government reshake. Stuff like that. Try Barbare Sher's Wishcraft. It's available online. It's not just about career - in fact she doesn't mention career much at all. It's about envisioning a life you want. She has you do exercises that help lead you to ideas about what kind of life would suit you. It's pretty cool. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I'm getting ready to go out but I wanted to post real quick. After my boss screamed at me this afternoon (he's kind of known around the office for being a real @ss) I was really upset. I'm generally used to it but today it got to me. I went to the gym with a friend after work and started to feel better. I came to the realization, actually I was looking to see if this was the case, that the reason I've been happy the past few weeks is because I was out of work for a week, home sick. I really hate my job and my boss to the point that it has taken a toll on my mental health. I know that the depression is physical and I'll post about that over the weekend but my job is clearly a huge contributor. It knocks me down enough that I have no strength to fight the depression. I have been looking for a new job in a different field and I hope it will help. However, I have a lot of decisions that I need to make about it before I make any kind of move. Link to post Share on other sites
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