So how many of us on LS are abuse survivors?

[Becoming]

I find myself stumbling all sorts of folks who've confessed to being survivors of all kinds of abuse--physical, emotional, sexual--as both children and adults.

 

I don't want to out anyone, but am just wondering how common this really is among us LSers and why it seems like such a "shameful" subject we'd rather avoid.

 

I'll go first:

Me--childhood physical and emotional abuse. Why do I not readily share(though I have here on LS more than ever all my 45 years combined)? Because I don't want to be seen as a victim, just a survivor who has some weird reactions to life as a result sometimes.

[basscatcher]

As a child I suffered abandonment, neglect, physcial abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse.

 

As a teenager I suffered neglect, physcial abuse, sexual abuse, verbal-mental-emotional abuse, assult, as well as, being a social outcast in the community.

 

As an adult I have suffered neglect, physical (all kinds)-mental-verbal abuse, betrayal, defamation of character,slander. assult

 

All these can be deeply elaborated on but these are the titles of it all.

[blind_otter]

child - physical/emotional/verbal abuse, molestation from a teacher, rape

 

adult - rape, physical/emotional/verbal abuse, assault, of course betrayal

 

can I get a witness?

[hotgurl]

I don't know if it qualifies but I am a daughter of an alcoholic.

 

My mom was verbally abusive and still can be. My first adult relationship I pick a partner who was just like her.

 

I have a very screwed up relationship with my mother love/hate

 

I have issues with my own drinking. I have wine with dinner etc.. but recently I have began to wonder if I am crossing the line because duh I don't know where the hellt he line is.

 

My current BF dad was an alocohlic who beat the crap out of him.

[Becoming]

And pada and Otter, you are inspirations for all that's possible despite your pasts.

[basscatcher]

And pada and Otter, you are inspirations for all that's possible despite your pasts.

 

Thanks..

I think the reason why face what challenges I have endured and I take the effort to move forward is because of my mother.

Even though my mom wasn't there for me during a time period I was able to see that SHE too was dealing with and learning to cope and heal with her own tramas. (Divorce, abandonment, abuse.)

I witnessed her seeking help, going to support groups and retreats on the weekends, she was always striving to heal and move forward..

 

My mother set the example for me to not run from my pain and problems but to face them and not let them control me or form my life. I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol to kill the pain instead I faced it, felt it, accepted it, learned from it and set it free. Sometimes its easier and faster then other times but I believe I WILL get through whatever comes my way..

 

My issues that developed from my suffering was co-dependency, and using sex as love. I had a distorted perception of sex for a long time. I still fall into that trap.

 

I will not kill my pain with alcohol or drugs. I will read (education), seek possitive advice and support (counceling and support groups).

[blind_otter]

I don't know if it qualifies but I am a daughter of an alcoholic.

 

My mom was verbally abusive and still can be. My first adult relationship I pick a partner who was just like her.

 

I have a very screwed up relationship with my mother love/hate

 

I have issues with my own drinking. I have wine with dinner etc.. but recently I have began to wonder if I am crossing the line because duh I don't know where the hellt he line is.

 

My current BF dad was an alocohlic who beat the crap out of him.

 

I know THAT feeling....so with your drinking, what do you feel is crossing the line? You drink every day? Have you ever been to an AA or ALANON meeting?

[tinktronik]

Im the survivor of childhood physical abuse as well as emotional abuse and repeated abandonment .As a teen I ended up homeless and became a stripper at 16 to support myself . I lived in about 15 different homes of family and friends untill about 14 when I bailed out .

Your right no one ever really wants to talk about abuse , and it makes me uncomfortable talking about it also .I know most family realizes there was abuse going on but no one ever wants to hear the actuall accounts. This pisses me off.

[Becoming]

Verbal abuse from a parent can be devastating to one's self-esteem, HG. Sorry this has happened to you.

[Art_Critic]

Father- he was emotionly verbally abusive.

 

My Exwife was Verbally abusive and Phyically abusive.. she was Bipolar..

 

When I was a lot younger ( 22 ) my dad passed away and I had to deal with the issues and went to see a therapist for a couple of years..

 

During the 5 year marriage I was in Counseling for a couple of years and got the help I needed to deal with what was happening to me..

 

Today I'm abuse free.. Except what I get from you guys

[bluechocolate]

Lordy - lots of sharing at LS these past two days - I blame you Otter!

 

I was badly bullied from the age of 11 to 16 & it didn't help that I had a psychotic older brother at home who was violent & always angry, so no where was safe for me. I tried to commit suicide twice & spent the first year of my teens drunk. I find it very distressing to even type this all these years later, but what the hell !!

[Becoming]

Look at all the destruction this has caused in our lives. How sad.

 

Sibling abuse and bullying often goes unnoticed, making things harder to come to terms with in many ways, especially when mixed with gender expectations like big boys don't cry and all that crap.

 

One of the first times I told a therapist some of what happened to me I saw her jaw drop with tears in her eyes. She couldn't figure out how I was relatively sane. That compassion did a lot to start healing me.

 

It's that same compassion that I see folks respond with to BOt and anyone else in need by every one of you who's signed on so far and others I know about. It's like the holes in the fabric of your lives enable this light of healing wisdom to shine through a little bit brighter.

 

I'm really feeling for you, tink, given last night. You are acting powerfully to stand up for your abused child as well by helping this girl. What courage!

 

And Otter, thank you for your courage as well in providing opportunity for healing growth. BC's right.

 

I've gotta run, but healing light of compassion for all the old bad stuff sharing this has brought up. I know. Seems, though, that we're wounded healers.

[hotgurl]

I know THAT feeling....so with your drinking, what do you feel is crossing the line? You drink every day? Have you ever been to an AA or ALANON meeting?

 

I've never been to AA or ALANON. In college I drank just Thur, Fri & Sat but def bindge drinking and then I almost never drank.

 

Than I started dating my current BF and he likes to have wine with dinner and we fell into habit. So it like 1-2 glasses a night.

 

But not every night. If the wine is in the house then I drink it if it's not then I don't and I don't miss it.

[blind_otter]

Well I send cathartic vibrations across cyberspace. sho sho - SHA SHA! (this is the sound I make whenever I am pantomiming magical powers)

 

HG - if you use alcohol inappropriately, you would know it...

[Groovy]

Becoming has a point that often sibling abuse is not as recognized but it can devastate someone. My brother threatened to kill me at times, with all seriousness. Sometimes he would beat me and I was 17 years old. My parents were afraid of him. It's a large part of why I was sent to boarding school, my house was not safe. He ended up holding people hostage at gunpoint and got 10 years for attempted murder when he was 15. He has spent much of his life in prison and to this day I am afraid to be near him. He destroyed us, hurt us all and living in our city was never the same with his name in all the papers.

 

I have a family of 8 and the other person who hurt me is my mother. She would discipline with belts, hard slaps across the face and sometimes would get angry enough to hit us with objects nearby. There are many years I prefer not to remember in my life.

 

Some things are not forgiveable but we can accept them. We must accept so we can live. I have learned anger is a useless emotion that will only destroy us. I am an adult now and can no longer blame my past for what I am today. We can't choose our family but we can choose who our friends are. As we get older we understand more and hurt less. I honestly feel sorry for my brother for being so angry and destroying his future. My mother I guess was overwhelmed but I know she loves me despite the issues. In my life I have come across people who have no one. I think we all have been through the wringer in one way or another. I can't say I didn't have good things in my life because I did admist it all. Friends, other family members, food and shelter, love despite the violence....

[hotgurl]

Verbal abuse from a parent can be devastating to one's self-esteem, HG. Sorry this has happened to you.

 

the worse was when she would call me a whore etc.. when I was 16 I ran awaygot a bus in NY and ended up in LA lived there for 4 months and came back pregnant.

 

Then left again when I was 18. After I ran away if calmed down a lot because she knew I would cut off out of my life. But I still thoose weekly phone calls of how I am f ing up but she wants me to be happy but I am taking advantage blah blah.

 

my co-worker has a mother who passed away and I was kinda complaining about mine and she like you don't know how lucky you are. And I thought we I bet you mom never told you all you wer good at was sucking c*ck.

 

ok I am done ranting sorry. this is why I don't talk about it.

[bluechocolate]

Well I send cathartic vibrations across cyberspace. sho sho - SHA SHA! (this is the sound I make whenever I am pantomiming magical powers)

Lets synchronise our watches, then, at an agreed time, you put your finger on your avatar & I'll do the same & then we can double your sho sho SHA SHA power & all make everyone at LS feel better. Anyone else care to join in, feel free, we can sho sho SHA SHA the whole world!

 

--- Otter, there's a Billboard number one there somewhere ---

[dior]

Hi,

 

I'm not sure why abuse is considered shameful... It's just not considered acceptable in a world where money and status is highly valued over love and compassion for others. People I have met who were abused are severly confused as adults because they tell themselves that they shouldn't care because no one cared when they were going through it. They assume they should just be an a**h*** and screw people over in order to not risk getting hurt. I'm not saying EVERYONE is like that, but this is the majority that I have met.

 

my story... My mother abandoned me on the day I was born, she visited me a few times when i was about 5 or 6 and I've lived with her for a short while. It wasn't great she allowed a neighbour to physically abuse me and blamed me for it. I still have the scars. at age 8, my older brother started sexually/physically/verbally abusing me and when I stopped being his 'pet' and refused to let him touch me or look at age 14 or so... the physical and verbal abuse heightened. I was being called all kinds of names and having my face smashed into the wall on a daily basis. I had a few verballed abusive teachers, my friend's mother abused me, I was bullied because i didn't know how to connect with anyone because of all the horrible stuff going on at home. My father knew everything that was going on and told me it was all my fault and mostly... denied it, he contributed to the abuse too... i was told if I ever let anyone know what was going on at home theyd kill me. So I basically had to raise myself.

 

Anyway, that's the brief aspect of it I tend to repress so much from my childhood and early teens. I now have problems with men, i make friends with the wrong people. I treat men like they're objects, it's hard for me to have any real feelings involved.... Overall just treating the ones I make friends with or date like crap.

[tinktronik]

the worse was when she would call me a whore etc.. when I was 16 I ran awaygot a bus in NY and ended up in LA lived there for 4 months and came back pregnant.

 

Then left again when I was 18. After I ran away if calmed down a lot because she knew I would cut off out of my life. But I still thoose weekly phone calls of how I am f ing up but she wants me to be happy but I am taking advantage blah blah.

 

my co-worker has a mother who passed away and I was kinda complaining about mine and she like you don't know how lucky you are. And I thought we I bet you mom never told you all you wer good at was sucking c*ck.

 

ok I am done ranting sorry. this is why I don't talk about it.

I totally feel you hotgurl. My mother even tells me Ill be sorry when shes gone . But I think about her passing away and feel relief . Ive thought about what I'd say for a ulogy(sp??) and cant come up with but one good thing about her , shes generose (sp?) to people she dosent know . But besides that thats it . Relief. I cant imagine what anyone else minght say either.

[Mz. Pixie]

Here I am, adding my name to the list....

 

Verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse in my childhood and teens.

 

My mother was mentally ill- suffered from a narcasstic personality disorder.

 

Everyone in my family except for me and my grandmother has had a alcohol or drug problem. My brother is a homeless drug addict.

[hotgurl]

I totally feel you hotgurl. My mother even tells me Ill be sorry when shes gone . But I think about her passing away and feel relief . Ive thought about what I'd say for a ulogy(sp??) and cant come up with but one good thing about her , shes generose (sp?) to people she dosent know . But besides that thats it . Relief. I cant imagine what anyone else minght say either.

 

For me it such a mixed feeling because she can be so nice and caring and I know she loves me. But the drinking has slowly turned her into a mean person. At first it was only at night but now it during the day,

 

She is very negative. Mostly now she takes it out on her husband. She would do anything for me and my daughter but at the same time you pay for it.

 

I think if she died I would be sad but relieved as well and guilty for feeling that way.

[tinktronik]

For me it such a mixed feeling because she can be so nice and caring and I know she loves me. But the drinking has slowly turned her into a mean person. At first it was only at night but now it during the day,

 

She is very negative. Mostly now she takes it out on her husband. She would do anything for me and my daughter but at the same time you pay for it.

 

I think if she died I would be sad but relieved as well and guilty for feeling that way.

My mother is also very negative , and she did lend me money once , ive always regretted taking it even though its paid back .

[basscatcher]

I was denied by my father as a baby, neglected by him growing up, mentally and physcially abused me he used me as child labor:

*to tear down old houses to salvage the lumber

*hauled wood from woods-loaded it,tossed it, put it down the wood shute and stacked it in basement

*shovel long driveway full of snow

*mow lawn (huge yard with old fashioned non-gas operated push mower and gas push mower)

*sat in the woods pulling nails from salvaged wood 2 summers in the scorching humid heat with no water; we got a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich for lunch and got in trouble if we had to go to the bathroom

*had to seine for minnows in river -wet all day, cold, hungry

 

I was molested around the age of 6 by a male babysitter.

 

I was physcially, mentally and emotionally abused by my step-mother. She threatened to put me in a foster home, she kept me from spending time with my handicapped grandmother, she tried to stop me from talking too and seeing my mom. I was child labor for her too:

*clean house all of it with chemicals

*wash clothes for 6 people-wash, hang out on clothesline, fold and put away

*do dishes-if one dish was found to have any left over food residue or grease we had to wash everything in the cupboards over until we had everything spotless

*cook since I was in 7th grade a full meal alone

 

My step-brother sexually assulted me in 8th grade for about 4 months and would threaten me with a knife at my throat if I told anyone. He would hit me when no one was looking on parts of my body that no one seen and if I let out a yelp my step mother told me to shut up and quit being a baby. He would spit loogies on my mirror so when I got ready for school in the morning I would see goobers on my mirror. He would steal any money I had or anything he wanted of mine and if I told anyone he would beat the shyt out of me.

 

My mother was in her own world of hurt and healing. She tried to be available for me but it was hard for her when she was dealing with her own struggles of healing being married too, abused and abandoned by my father. She neglected me and carries many regrets. She is loving and compassionate.. I understand her and where she was.

 

I also was the only child from a broken home in the community so I was looked down upon as garbage and I was treated as that also. Peers would tell me my parents didn't love me. I was teased because I was born with a strawberry birthmark on my face across my nose. Children can be very harsh to others who are different.

 

My first bf raped me after dating him for 4 months. He is a chavonist and was training me to be submissive and was messing up my thinking until a good guy came along and told me I didn't have to live like that and it was wrong. He mentally and emotionally abused me as well.

 

Then I got involved with two other guys in high school who took advantage of me--one threatened to harm me if I didn't do what he wanted me too and he raped me, then another guy took advantage of me and raped me when I was intoxicated to the point I couldn't fight back..

 

Then my Xh he subtley changed as time went by for 11 1/2 years, he became very verbally and mentally abusive, he raped me also later in the marriage, he was physcially abusive and would pin me, push me, shove me, throw me around. He neglected his son and me.

 

Then the bf after I left my XH he started to turn out just like my XH I left him after 4 1/2 years.

 

The bf after him is a alcoholic and started to physically abuse me when in a blackout and was verbally abusing me so I left him at 1 1/2 yrs.

 

Since then I haven't stayed in any relationship that shows signs of control, abuse, manipulation, verbal slander or abuse. When the red flags come up I go away...

 

I have many years of couceling and I have read many self help books to help me make better choices and decisions. I have a wonderful support system if I need them. I have my faith in God and I have strength in myself to get out when things get bad.. But I also know there is balance and no one is perfect. Some people are manageable and workable others aren't.. I know when to hold them and I know when to throw them..

 

Its not easy learning this when you have had so much dysfunction in your life. It is really amazing I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol to kill the pain and forget my life... I owe it to my mother for her example to seek help when you don't know which way to turn.. There is hope and a way if only you seek and have patience.. Don't ever give up on your dreams. There are good people out there who will love you and respect you.. WE ARE NO ONES DOORMATS... NO ONE OWNS US.. NO ONE CONTROLS US.. WE DESERVE RESPECT AND IN TURN WILL GIVE RESPECT.. I AM SOMEONE NOT SOMETHING... I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THE ABUSE I ENDURED..

 

I HAVE FORGIVEN MYSELF FOR BLAMING MYSELF FOR THE ABUSE. FOR i know it was not me that made it happen it is someone else who needs help for there belief system. They are the unhealthy ones and THEY are the ones who really need the help. I can help myself and I can't make others do what I want them to. We are all in charge of ourselves.

 

Remember, no one can make another do something they don't chose to do. We are all responsible for OUR OWN actions. We made the choice to do what we did so take your responsibility and I will take what is mine..

 

Thank you..

[blind_otter]

Lets synchronise our watches, then, at an agreed time, you put your finger on your avatar & I'll do the same & then we can double your sho sho SHA SHA power & all make everyone at LS feel better. Anyone else care to join in, feel free, we can sho sho SHA SHA the whole world!

 

--- Otter, there's a Billboard number one there somewhere ---

 

I was thinkin' that reading your post while techno beats went through my brain. Radio David Byrne is offline today and I'm bummin.

[Woggle]

My mother abused me physically, emotionally and sexually.

 

It is only recently that I have been confronting it and seeing how it has influenced many of my issues with women.