I want to die

[noclobber]

good for you, no clobber. physical activity will take your mind off your emotional state.

 

Thanks

 

I just went outside.... had lunch with a friend... felt a bit okay! guess its because i forgot about myself while talking with this friend..

 

I hope I feel better.... I will keep posting..

[noclobber]

My friend is flying down from L.A. tonite to see me! I am feeling better now...

 

whichwayisup, here is my promise: I am not going to harm myself

 

Thanks everyone for your love and support!

[Guest]

Hi noclobber I am so sorry to hear you feel that way. Life can be stressful at times we all go through hardships, but that is what makes us stronger. We have to learn from these mistakes and make the best of them. Everything happens for a reason and the more you believe you have bad luck the more bad luck you will attract. Try to stay focus on positive things so you can attract them to your life. Sit down and make a list of your accomplishments and what your proud of . Post it somewhere when you wake up in the morning you can see it and reinforce your thoughts to guide you in a positive way. You are a fighter keep fighting dont give up stay strong and I will pray for you.

"When a door closes God opens a window"

 

 

i am feeling highly suicidal... can someone help me?

 

i am a 30 yr old man from India. i completed my Master's degree and currently working in the Software industry.

 

off late i have been feeling like a complete failure.... i just can't get a woman that i love so much. i don't know why my feelings are not being reciprocated... my bad luck has been consistently ruining me from getting what i want out of life... whether its a job or a woman... whatever... i feel completely out of control... have a feeling that some f***in force is controlling my life...

 

what is the use of being alive when you are repeatedly being denied the things that you want so badly... i have lost my happiness and my self-esteem has been completely eroded!

 

help... i just want to end it all... life must stop when there is nobody to love you!

[whichwayisup]

That's great! And I'm glad to hear you're feeling better.

 

Broken hearts SUCK, but they're not worth harming yourself over.

 

Have fun with your friend and keep laughing!

[jerbear]

Great to see that you are better now.

[lindya]

My friend is flying down from L.A. tonite to see me! I am feeling better now...

 

whichwayisup, here is my promise: I am not going to harm myself

 

Thanks everyone for your love and support!

 

NC - never feel afraid to talk on LS if you're feeling like this. I felt for you when you said you'd prefer to talk to people here, who you've had online dealings with, than with a helpline. People panic when they hear the word "suicide", and that's understandable....but plenty of us have probably thought about it at some point or another. Voicing the feelings tends to lessen them rather than increase the likelihood of acting on them. The problem is that it's so difficult to announce "recently I've been contemplating the idea of doing away with myself" without people rushing for the strait-jackets.

 

It's not abnormal or mad to think about these things from time to time when you're feeling depressed. You're allowed to talk about it....but of course, if it comes to the stage where you're starting to put a plan together, then you need to get professional help as a matter of urgency.

 

I'm glad your friend's coming down to see you, and I hope you have a nice, therapeutic weekend.

[noclobber]

NC - never feel afraid to talk on LS if you're feeling like this. I felt for you when you said you'd prefer to talk to people here, who you've had online dealings with, than with a helpline. People panic when they hear the word "suicide", and that's understandable....but plenty of us have probably thought about it at some point or another. Voicing the feelings tends to lessen them rather than increase the likelihood of acting on them. The problem is that it's so difficult to announce "recently I've been contemplating the idea of doing away with myself" without people rushing for the strait-jackets.

 

It's not abnormal or mad to think about these things from time to time when you're feeling depressed. You're allowed to talk about it....but of course, if it comes to the stage where you're starting to put a plan together, then you need to get professional help as a matter of urgency.

 

I'm glad your friend's coming down to see you, and I hope you have a nice, therapeutic weekend.

 

Thanks Lindya!

 

I had the feelings for couple of days and it reached its peak late yesterday evening. I was alone in my apartment looking at the ceiling and all of a sudden broke down into tears.. I started crying so badly and by the end of it I decided this whole thing got to end. I was repeatedly listening to Pearl Jam's Jeremy..

 

I came today morning and posted on LS how I felt. Letting it out really helped me... B'cos i just didn't know whether I can call my family in India and say I want to die. Even if they get a flight immediately it would take 22 hours to get to the USA. For some reason I didn't want to freak out my friends as well by telling that I was having suicidal tendencies. I just put it all in LS.

 

I am feeling better by the hour....

[lindya]

Thanks Lindya!

 

I had the feelings for couple of days and it reached its peak late yesterday evening. I was alone in my apartment looking at the ceiling and all of a sudden broke down into tears.. I started crying so badly and by the end of it I decided this whole thing got to end. I was repeatedly listening to Pearl Jam's Jeremy..

 

I came today morning and posted on LS how I felt. Letting it out really helped me... B'cos i just didn't know whether I can call my family in India and say I want to die. Even if they get a flight immediately it would take 22 hours to get to the USA. For some reason I didn't want to freak out my friends as well by telling that I was having suicidal tendencies. I just put it all in LS.

 

I am feeling better by the hour....

 

I'm really glad you feel better now, NC. It's amazing how much it can help just to 'fess up to your feelings.

 

I wrote a post on this thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t77227

 

a couple of months back, and got rep points from a few people saying it meant something to them. I don't know if it'll make you feel any better, but I hope so.

[noclobber]

I'm really glad you feel better now, NC. It's amazing how much it can help just to 'fess up to your feelings.

 

I wrote a post on this thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t77227

 

a couple of months back, and got rep points from a few people saying it meant something to them. I don't know if it'll make you feel any better, but I hope so.

 

I will look it up, right now

[Becoming]

Hey, NC. I, too, am surprised. Though we all feel like this from time to time, you have so much to offer the world. Your insights are usually right on target and helpful. Don't deprive us of you. We're selfish buggers who want to keep you around.

 

I'm glad you have such a good friend coming to spend time with you. That's a friend!

 

I have a hard time with rejection, too. It's really hard to not have someone want what you have to offer. In my case, it stems from things in my childhood that I came to believe about myself that just aren't true. Do you remember feeling like this at some time in your past? THere may be some pain around that that needs to be released in order for you to move forward.

 

Give yourself time to heal and start talking nice to yourself about all the things you do have to offer. We've listed some but it'll help you to do this for yourself.

 

Then we can all wonder why folks are so stupid in not seeing this.

 

We're gonna hold you to that promise, NC!

[noclobber]

Hey, NC. I, too, am surprised. Though we all feel like this from time to time, you have so much to offer the world. Your insights are usually right on target and helpful. Don't deprive us of you. We're selfish buggers who want to keep you around.

 

I'm glad you have such a good friend coming to spend time with you. That's a friend!

 

I have a hard time with rejection, too. It's really hard to not have someone want what you have to offer. In my case, it stems from things in my childhood that I came to believe about myself that just aren't true. Do you remember feeling like this at some time in your past? THere may be some pain around that that needs to be released in order for you to move forward.

 

Give yourself time to heal and start talking nice to yourself about all the things you do have to offer. We've listed some but it'll help you to do this for yourself.

 

Then we can all wonder why folks are so stupid in not seeing this.

 

We're gonna hold you to that promise, NC!

 

Actually if you had seen how my most recent postings were sounding you would clearly get the clue that something just wasn't right with me. I was seething in anger!!

 

I don't know Becoming. For some strange warped reason I feel that I am just not entitled to the good things that life has to offer. I guess I am getting this feeling from whatever has happened to me in the past and what happened to me recently. What another person can easily get, I got to struggle, go through hell, and finally may or may not get it. Doesn't this suck???

 

I am from India and I am a Hindu. Our religion very strongly emphasizes the fact that all things in life are pre-destined. What has to happen will happen!! I kinda grew tired with that philosophy and am now very agnostic. Another load of crap is "if you do good things, good things will happen to you"... yeah my a$$ will happen! if you do good things it is absolutely not necessary that something good will happen to you.. there is no guarantee. first of all someone tell me what exactly is good and what exactly is bad?

 

Some of the mistakes that I committed in the past are haunting me each and every single day! I just want to slap myself so hard for doing things to myself. I just want to go back in time and change that stuff but I know I can't

 

My regrets are stopping me from moving on. Any ideas/suggestions/advice about moving on?

[AmItheOne]

NC, I had noticed that your posts were getting very edgy lately. Just wanted to kinda throw my two cents in about your feelings of late. Over the last few years I have had what one would politely call "a bad run of luck". I have been a single mom for 7 years (since I was 19) and my daughters wealthy family did everything they could to steam roll me from getting any financial support...which they were successful at for 3 years. I finally got child support and decided I would go back to college and finish my degree now that I had a little help. 2 years ago (almost to the day) my daughters father died in a tragic car accident and NO ONE bothered to tell me...I found out when my mother read the obituary (it happened in our hometown, where I no longer lived). The obituary mentioned everyone he was survived by...BUT his own flesh and blood child. Then I find out that he didn't pay in enough to social security so we were left with absolutely nothing...and of course his family never mentioned any kind of life insurance or anything. I was then faced with quitting school when I was 1 year from FINALLY finishing. Then 2 months later, my fiance moves out of our home. To say the least, I felt as if the whole world was out to get me...I was seriously depressed. I had a BAD attitude about everything, then I had a brainstorm...maybe my attitude was hindering me from the GOOD things that could be happening in my life that might make the BAD things seem not so bad. When you dwell on things they tend to overwhelm you, engrossing your life until you make bad things happen because its all you expect.

 

Well...moral of the story...I got my act together and decided that it was up to me to make my life good again and believe me, it wasn't easy. I decided to finish school, while working full time so we could still live and raise my daughter who had just started kindergarten all by myself. I graduated in May...got a job where I can take care of us all by myself and I honestly believe there are more good things to come! I can get bogged down with all the bad things, ie my daughters grandparents (on her dad's side) don't want anything to do with her (we moved back to my hometown where their name is everywhere, its hard because people think they are actually good people...HA), my ex fiance left me and my daughter and she still struggles with that (as do I), a lot of anger in that situation, and I am ALONE...but I believe now that I have so much to look forward to! AND SO DO YOU!!!! your life is not predetermined, you make a decision everyday to dwell on the past or to start a new day fresh...GO FOR THE LATTER!!!

 

sorry this is so long but I really hope it helps you gain some perspective...rejection is very much a part of life, you learn, you grow, you move on...your life is waiting out there for you to grab it, so hop to it!!

[Outcast]

Read http://www.metanoia.org

 

And stop thinking something's wrong with you because someone's dumb enough to not want you. Every day someone walks away from a great deal on a car or a house or a great person. NOT because there's something wrong with the car or the house or the person but because the person who walks away hasn't the sense to realize what a good deal they're missing out on.

 

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. It's about her and her bad taste and inability to recognize a good guy. Which means you don't need her in your life. Memorize this - it's not mine; it's from a book but I love it:

 

"IF YOU'RE TOO DUMB TO REALIZE HOW GREAT I AM, YOU DON'T DESERVE ME".

 

She is wrong for you. If you were to have her, you would miss out on the great person who is making her way to you right now. It might take a week - it might take a year, but you will find each other and you'll KNOW why this one was absolutely not The one .

[Sassy]

Sorry you are feeling this way noclobber. Hugs to you ! It is good you can come here and rant and get some advice. Hang in there . Maybe you should go talk with someone about how you are feeling.

[jerbear]

Feeling guilt, hate, depression, is part of the healing process. NC, you are much closer to healing than you thought a few hours ago.

 

We all had felt like this before and just have to pick up the pieces and continue on.

 

I would still suggest either calling the hotlines, talking and spending time with some friends, and really consider a counselor.

 

Since you have a job and health, your employer may offer some of these servcies as part of their Work Life Balance or Quality of Life programs.

 

I was suggested those programs by my ex's manager, who noticed I didn't want to goto work, depressed, ground my teeth, stiff neck, and down.

 

These are just some of my suggestions.

[noclobber]

Just wanted to let you all know that I am feeling much better now and have pulled myself up!

 

I want to view this event as a "psychological death" (instead of biological), purge all emotional impurities, and begin my life anew.

 

A big thanks to everyone!

 

I am going to send a personal thanks via PM to each and every one of you that took the time to reply. You guys rock

[Becoming]

I checked on you a couple times this weekend. Just wanted to let you know you were in my prayers.

 

You asked me a direct question, which I didn't answer. You mention addictions. Are you involved in a twelve-step group for whatever your addiction is? One of the steps is making a moral inventory and asking for forgiveness. This would help you lay the past to rest and go forth celebrating the new person you're in the process of becoming.

 

Thanks for the update!

[whichwayisup]

Just wanted to let you all know that I am feeling much better now and have pulled myself up!

 

I want to view this event as a "psychological death" (instead of biological), purge all emotional impurities, and begin my life anew.

 

A big thanks to everyone!

 

I am going to send a personal thanks via PM to each and every one of you that took the time to reply. You guys rock

 

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better!!

 

Remember you ARE special and that girl just wasn't right for you.

[noclobber]

Just wanted to let you know you were in my prayers.

 

Thank you so much! I tried to send you a PM but looks like you have disabled it.

 

You mention addictions. Are you involved in a twelve-step group for whatever your addiction is? One of the steps is making a moral inventory and asking for forgiveness. This would help you lay the past to rest and go forth celebrating the new person you're in the process of becoming.

 

Nope, I am not in a twelve-step program. I am not very religious and so I don't know who I have to ask for forgiveness. I want to take responsibility for my actions and behavior, forgive myself, and move on!

[noclobber]

Remember you ARE special and that girl just wasn't right for you.

 

Right on! She doesn't deserve me

[Yamaha]

Right on! She doesn't deserve me

 

 

She doesn't deserve any thoughts from you, Noclobber. You have to realize that her interests were selfish and your feelings did not matter to her. Is this someone who you want in a relationship?

[noclobber]

She doesn't deserve any thoughts from you, Noclobber. You have to realize that her interests were selfish and your feelings did not matter to her. Is this someone who you want in a relationship?

 

Absolutely not!

[Becoming]

Ask forgiveness/make amends with the people you've hurt. Twelve-step programs are not affiliated with any religion, though they often meet in churches because it's free space. It would help.

[noclobber]

Ask forgiveness/make amends with the people you've hurt. Twelve-step programs are not affiliated with any religion, though they often meet in churches because it's free space. It would help.

 

The only person that has been hurt so badly by my addiction is MYSELF! So I guess I got to forgive myself.

 

I really didn't allow my addiction to have impact on anybody else..

[lindya]

You're doing brilliantly, NC. Really glad you're feeling better now - and it's thoughtful of you to come back and express your appreciation to everyone like that.