loners-u now any of em and what are they like

[joel]

you guys ever meet the loner guys or girls- they always by themselves -no freinds or if so very very few-more like aquitances, they very shy, and quiete. after class they go right home, they eat lunch by emselves, and when it comes to group projects they -always have to have the teacher assign em into a group b/c everyone has already have had a group. their faces get all red when they are assigned to read a chpt in the text.

 

this guy is in college around his 20's why is he such a loner. he doesn;t speak much eitehr -ah yes and ah no- just doesn;t speak or say much- you have to come and talk to him or else he don;t talk to u.

 

anyone here met or is or now any pure loners-what are they really like and what are they hiding

[djrdei]

well im almost a loner, i have very few close friends, mainly guys, and i have only dated 2 girls. I am 22, i am a senior in college, i lived at hame and commuted to school. While at school i spent most of my free time sitting in my car and when class was over i went right home. I am very shy and quiet, i always have been its just the way i am. Im not into going out partin or hitting up the bar scene, like every person my age seems to enjoy doing. Sometimes i hate the way that i am, and now that my g/f and i broke up i feel like im never going to find anyone else. i really dont mind being infront of people, i am currently student teaching and i love my job. So maybe this helps you understand a loner....

[Nubemeister]

Im like that. I go to school, work and come home. I am 22 also, and I don't like partying or going out to clubs. I am very shy and just to myself...that mainly comes from th fact that I think im that important to be noticed. I've dated one guy but he pretty much said I felt too much so after that I don't think Ill be able to make anyone happy.

I've gotten so used to it that I don't see how other way to be.

I'm not hiding anything, I'm that way because I don't believe to be enough ..and so forth. I just have a low opinion of myself.

 

As a matter of fact someone called me boring today because he asked if I went out to clubs and such..I said I really wasn't into that type of scene...Im more of a writing in the park, reading a book, or hanging at coffeehouses or BN type of girl....

(Shrugs)

 

Guess I Am

[magda]

A lot of people like that have low self esteem or social anxiety.

[JayKay]

I used to veer between being a 'loner' and hanging with large groups of people. In H.S., I had a group I hung out with. In college, the first few years I travelled in a pack but by senior year I was usually by myself.

I was just sick of school and sick of the bars and heartbroken over some guy. So I mostly just hung out with a couple of friends and went right back to my dorm after classes. I was just trying to graduate and get done.

 

I had a couple of 'loner' years after college, where I only hung with 1-2 people and only occasionally went out.

When I first moved back home, I wasn't really interested in hanging with my H.S. friends anymore. I'd changed a lot and realized I didn't have a lot in common with them anymore. I thought they were shallow people.

 

Then I started hanging with a large crew from work, going out and partying a lot. It's not that these were the 'deepest' most intellectual people, but they were new people and I welcomed a change from the H.S. group I'd hung with. And some were quirky, offbeat individuals who were deep thinkers. I liked meeting them.

 

Later, I went back to grad school. I worked full time and went to school. I kind of became a loner again. I had no time to socialize. My only social outlet was at work. I became good friends with some of my co-workers (one of whom remains my best friend) but most of my free time was spent commuting, studying or working.

 

 

Some people might have thought I was quiet and shy; I'm not really that shy. I was just tired a lot of the time. At work I was really out going, but in school I was just trying to concentrate and get the job done.

I was later diagnosed with anemia, so that explains part of the reason I found chatting with people at school exhausting.

I'd already waitressed 8 hours and had interacted with people all day. I didn't feel like making more small talk.

 

So some people are not always loners; they just may choose to be a loner for a little while.....or circumstances create a loner lifestyle.

 

 

Some people are ALWAYS loners. They may have Asperger's or a lot of anxiety that prevents them from interacting with people. They have a hard, lonely time. They appreciate people taking time to try and understand them. Highly sensitive people are usually very intelligent and crave human interaction. It's just hard for them to reach out. I have a couple of friends who are like that.

 

 

 

 

 

So I spent time by myself for a while and discovered it didn't bother me.

[djrdei]

nubemeister, you sound like a nice girl, i know its hard. i wish i could meet a girl like u.

[Nubemeister]

Thanks... I don't believe to be but thank you.

You'll find her it just...takes some time and believing you will.

[Guest]

i used to befriend loners in HS because they are so smart, made me smart by being with them. Don't know what happens after HS though because they were only classmates. I also wonder how their lives are now in adulthood.

[no-one]

Ya, I'm pretty much a loner. I only talk if people talk to me, have few friends ( I don't really consider them friends; more of aquitances IMO...).

 

Loners don't really hide anything, I don't think. Most are the way they are b/c they tried being sociable in the past and they were rejected. People made fun of them and made them feel ackward. It bothers some that that they are alone and no one is there for them, but the fear of being rejected is a lot bigger than them fear of them being lonely for the rest of their lives.

 

 

I'm pretty sure every loner has his or her reasons for being that way but the reason I'm a loner is b/c back in elementary school I used to be outgoing, I had a lot of friends and people usually liked me. I made friends with everyone, and got along with people really well. But I was very defensive of my friends, you know; I stuck up for any of my friends that were being picked on by other kids. And eventually I became the one people were picking on. My "friends" were less enthusiastic to defend me. So, what happened was, after awhile I thought that you really couldn't make fun of me if no one knew me.

 

I found that I was made fun of less, and people just tended not to notice me as much. I wish I wasn't a loner, but it's really hard to change. Whenever I'm talking to someone my mind just goes blank.

 

I'm not hiding anything, I'm just too afraid to be rejected and made fun of again. Even now, I feel like I'm just going to make a complete idiot out of myself if I try to talk to people; and a lot of the time I do, especially girls that I have a crush on.

 

If you want to be a friend w/ a loner or want to get close to them, just keep talking to them be kind and be a friend. At first they'll be really quiet around you, just answering with a yes or a no. But the more time you spend talking to them the more comfortable they'll feel around you and they'll open up a lot more, they just want to get to know you and make sure you want to be their friend. They want to make sure that you're not going to make them feel socially uncomfortable.

[ratzskinakie]

I used to be somewhat like that, but it was cause I had Social Anxiety (which I didnt know at the time) which escalated to many other things. When I learned I had it, I fixed it, now im not much of a loner.

 

the best thing to do for loner people like that is don't be nice to them (just be true to them), if you nice to them, it will just reaffirm the fact that it is okay for them to behave that way and they will never learn.

[no-one]

the best thing to do for loner people like that is don't be nice to them (just be true to them), if you nice to them, it will just reaffirm the fact that it is okay for them to behave that way and they will never learn.

 

It sounds as if you consider them to be like dogs, "if you don't hit them when they bite they'll never learn to stop". Most people who are really shy/ loners don't think that it's OK or "good" to be alone or extremely shy. Most DO try to over come it, it's just extremely hard; and I don't expect extroverts to understand how hard it is.

 

A survey has said 82% of shy people/ loners report shyness as an undesirable experience, so there is no way being nice to somone, just going up to them and talking to them will make them think it's ok to be shy. And I ain't talking about sweet talking to them, not treating them as if they were extremely sensitive. Just going up and asking how their day was...

 

If you continue to hang around someone like that; just talking to them, they'll eventually get to know you, become comfortable around you, and become more open.

[basscatcher]

I was a loner. I was scared I would be rejected or teased if anyone got close to me. I verbally abused at home and when I did say something in my grade school years the kids would tease me and call me names like: what a dork, what a nerd, duhhhhhh (while making a face.), or the hand banging on shoulder thing like you were retarded... They pushed my self esteem down so low I was afraid to open my mouth or step forward. I wanted to be invisible and not noticed.

 

Then one day I snapped. I blew... All those years of being judged, ridiculed and put down i exploded. I went off like a atomic bomb to all my classmates and I ran out of the classroom and went home and cried.

 

The next day everyone was quiet and a few girls asked me if i was ok and some apoligized to me. There were a few that still remained mean but I didn't get slammed as hard and I was able to start to open up and blossom..

 

Sometimes I think if only someone would have made the effort to come to me and befriend me generously I wouldn't have blown up. I needed and wanted a single close friend who could listen to me, be honest with me in a nice way and treat me normally. I wasn't a bad person or weird person I was a abused and neglected person.

[SmoochieFace]

I was a loner. I was scared I would be rejected or teased if anyone got close to me. I verbally abused at home and when I did say something in my grade school years the kids would tease me and call me names like: what a dork, what a nerd, duhhhhhh (while making a face.), or the hand banging on shoulder thing like you were retarded... They pushed my self esteem down so low I was afraid to open my mouth or step forward. I wanted to be invisible and not noticed.

 

Then one day I snapped. I blew... All those years of being judged, ridiculed and put down i exploded. I went off like a atomic bomb to all my classmates and I ran out of the classroom and went home and cried.

 

The next day everyone was quiet and a few girls asked me if i was ok and some apoligized to me. There were a few that still remained mean but I didn't get slammed as hard and I was able to start to open up and blossom..

 

Sometimes I think if only someone would have made the effort to come to me and befriend me generously I wouldn't have blown up. I needed and wanted a single close friend who could listen to me, be honest with me in a nice way and treat me normally. I wasn't a bad person or weird person I was a abused and neglected person.

 

Sometimes... you just gotta kick some ass...

[basscatcher]

Sometimes... you just gotta kick some ass...

 

I'm not shy or stiffled anymore.. Hell no.. I still don't like being in the middle of a huge party unless its at a club. I hate social gatherings where there is a constant buzz of talking in the air. Like at church social events.

The noise drives me insaine...

 

But I speak up now, I don't sulk in a corner unless I feel like being left alone.... Its by choice now not because I'm a social outcast or rejected...

 

I became a biaych instead of committing suicide out of loneliness.

[SmoochieFace]

I became a biaych instead of committing suicide out of loneliness.

 

You should never commit suicide for ANY reason.

[ddnnee]

im 23 and im a big time loner. I only go to school for one thing = education. I have no need to socialize with anyone except when i need information regarding school or directions. The big reason is when you are in college, it is hard to maintain same friends. after a semester, you and your new friends will schedule different classes and so you will not see them anymore. I just save the time and energy by not making use less chit chats. I also think college is the worse place to pick up girls. These girls are usually stuck up and are hunting for the deep pocketed cowboys.

 

actually im not that lonely, i go to college with my two younger siblings and they keep me plenty company. oh ya, and i've watched party chat-em-up girls who enter college as a socializer. After a year or so, they calm down and become loners themselves, after realizing the new lifestyle.

[Guest]

i don't know. I've always enjoyed my own company more than others. I don't think it has anything to do with self-esteem . . .

[no-one]

Sometimes it has everything to do with self-esteem. Associating with others and making friends greatly depends on wether you believe they are better than you or equal to you.

 

Good Friends usually see themselves as equals, if you have a low self-esteem you really can't ever view yourself as equal with anyone. You down play the good things about you and focus on the bad, and why people won't like you.

 

IMO, self-esteem has almost everything to do with associating with others. No one likes being around someone who is depressed.

 

It depends on you and you're situation. It sounds like you're just an introvert, my guess is you could go up to someone and start a conversation. You're not a loner, who avoids contact for fear of being rejected. You choose it to be by yourself where as a loner doesn't really have a choice their fear rules them and their actions.

[tracerit]

i rarely have any friends, most are acquantinces, i go to school, come home, use the computer, play world of warcraft with some old friends, go to work, come home, sleep, and repeat. i'm like this because i feel that if i want more friends, i'll just be a social climber, just having friends because the more friends, the better, and i feel that that would be showing off. and i object to that.

 

i found a great girl three years ago, we became great friends, then we started going out. for two years, i was happy, we were like peanut butter and jelly, neither of us had any other friends we would hang out with. on top of that, she was SUPER cute. but she felt she was too cute for me, and i treated her like crap (deeply regret it now).

 

i'm a "loner" because i don't want too many friends, i just want to spend my time with that special person.

[ddnnee]

trace: your lifestyle sounds like mine without the cute girl part. Yah man, i agree bout too many friends.

[Guest]

No! It is not "low self-esteem" in all cases.

Sometimes it's the enviorment or the class of people you are situated in. You just don't want to get involved with, or subscribe to their way of thinking.

 

How many of you would subscribe to this saying:

 

familiarity breeds contempt

(Long experience of someone or something can make one so aware of the faults as to be scornful.)

 

Has anyone here actually ever befriended a loner as opposed to making fun of them or picking on them (or even ignore them) and pushing them into a more withdrawn state? And if you did befriend them, were they good people?

 

?

[no-one]

No! It is not "low self-esteem" in all cases.

Sometimes it's the enviorment or the class of people you are situated in. You just don't want to get involved with, or subscribe to their way of thinking.

 

No one here said it's low self-esteem in all cases, I said low self-esteem is has relevance in most situations.