man/relationship

[curiousnamow]

Would like some thoughts and advice on this relationship. I'm 48 and have a 5 yr old son, met a man on-line, we wrote for about 2 wks every day, and talked for about another week then met. Well, we hit it off and then went out on te 4th of July fire works and that is the last time we went anywhere. Other than that, he comes over and we have intimacy and then he is gone Monday's and Friday's. Well I love that, but I also want to GO OUT. Since my son is young, I have to find a sitter and that is not easy. But in the personal ad I wrote, I said I wanted a part time relationship, and a father figure for my son. Well now its been three months and I'm begining to feel used as there have been no attempts on his part..his ad was for fun and intimacy. I've had a long lonely road for nearly 6 years, and been on my own since 3 mo preg. I am going nuts with making a decision to dump him and feel alone again or stay and feel used. I have spoken to him two times now about thinking of what he "wants" and have been very up front and honest about what I want and where I want to be in the future. Well, he went away for laborday weekend and we haven't seen each other for about 9 days and my mind is detatching from my heart. He got back Tues, didn't come over, said maybe wed, didn't get a call, and here it is thursday a night he has a commitment. So...Friday night and wondering if he is going to expect great sex and no response to my questions of almost two weeks ago..I never see him on the weekend, he is alway doing something for his brother, father/mom or friends...just doesn't seem right. I believe that people generally do what they "want" and I can't change him or force him but I'm getting tired of just a sex relationship and I want something for my son too. He is a good guy, very handy, but has yet to help me out, despite using "words" his actions have yet to become apparent. I'm just feeling used. He was divorced 3 yrs ago, now lives with his parents, and brother lives next door. He says it takes time to change from being on his own, and needs to "fit" me into his life, well I'm thinking that after two months he should know if he has some feelings for me, as I do for him, and make more effort to spend time with me during the DAY and my son.

[arthropod]

when you told him your wants and all, what was his response?? isn't he doing EXACTLY what he said in his personal ad??

Would like some thoughts and advice on this relationship. I'm 48 and have a 5 yr old son, met a man on-line, we wrote for about 2 wks every day, and talked for about another week then met. Well, we hit it off and then went out on te 4th of July fire works and that is the last time we went anywhere. Other than that, he comes over and we have intimacy and then he is gone Monday's and Friday's. Well I love that, but I also want to GO OUT. Since my son is young, I have to find a sitter and that is not easy. But in the personal ad I wrote, I said I wanted a part time relationship, and a father figure for my son. Well now its been three months and I'm begining to feel used as there have been no attempts on his part..his ad was for fun and intimacy. I've had a long lonely road for nearly 6 years, and been on my own since 3 mo preg. I am going nuts with making a decision to dump him and feel alone again or stay and feel used. I have spoken to him two times now about thinking of what he "wants" and have been very up front and honest about what I want and where I want to be in the future. Well, he went away for laborday weekend and we haven't seen each other for about 9 days and my mind is detatching from my heart. He got back Tues, didn't come over, said maybe wed, didn't get a call, and here it is thursday a night he has a commitment. So...Friday night and wondering if he is going to expect great sex and no response to my questions of almost two weeks ago..I never see him on the weekend, he is alway doing something for his brother, father/mom or friends...just doesn't seem right. I believe that people generally do what they "want" and I can't change him or force him but I'm getting tired of just a sex relationship and I want something for my son too. He is a good guy, very handy, but has yet to help me out, despite using "words" his actions have yet to become apparent. I'm just feeling used. He was divorced 3 yrs ago, now lives with his parents, and brother lives next door. He says it takes time to change from being on his own, and needs to "fit" me into his life, well I'm thinking that after two months he should know if he has some feelings for me, as I do for him, and make more effort to spend time with me during the DAY and my son.

[BeenThere]

Well, first off, I think you controdicted yourself when you posted an ad saying "for PART TIME relationship...and FATHER FIGURE for son." Your internet partner was very clear about what he wanted -- fun and intamacy (aka: good times and sex)! Unfortuneatly, I think you got exactly what you bargined for!

 

Don't convince yourself that you have a loving, committed relationship here just because you found someone you like being around (most of the time). And don't attach yourself to the first man who comes along just because you want someone to step in and play Daddy. You're looking for a relationship for all the wrong reasons so its inevitable that you're going to fail.

 

Try this, and read some of the articles. I think it will help give you a little more insight.

 

(www.brendashoshanna.com)

 

Let me know if it helps...

 

Would like some thoughts and advice on this relationship. I'm 48 and have a 5 yr old son, met a man on-line, we wrote for about 2 wks every day, and talked for about another week then met. Well, we hit it off and then went out on te 4th of July fire works and that is the last time we went anywhere. Other than that, he comes over and we have intimacy and then he is gone Monday's and Friday's. Well I love that, but I also want to GO OUT. Since my son is young, I have to find a sitter and that is not easy. But in the personal ad I wrote, I said I wanted a part time relationship, and a father figure for my son. Well now its been three months and I'm begining to feel used as there have been no attempts on his part..his ad was for fun and intimacy. I've had a long lonely road for nearly 6 years, and been on my own since 3 mo preg. I am going nuts with making a decision to dump him and feel alone again or stay and feel used. I have spoken to him two times now about thinking of what he "wants" and have been very up front and honest about what I want and where I want to be in the future. Well, he went away for laborday weekend and we haven't seen each other for about 9 days and my mind is detatching from my heart. He got back Tues, didn't come over, said maybe wed, didn't get a call, and here it is thursday a night he has a commitment. So...Friday night and wondering if he is going to expect great sex and no response to my questions of almost two weeks ago..I never see him on the weekend, he is alway doing something for his brother, father/mom or friends...just doesn't seem right. I believe that people generally do what they "want" and I can't change him or force him but I'm getting tired of just a sex relationship and I want something for my son too. He is a good guy, very handy, but has yet to help me out, despite using "words" his actions have yet to become apparent. I'm just feeling used. He was divorced 3 yrs ago, now lives with his parents, and brother lives next door. He says it takes time to change from being on his own, and needs to "fit" me into his life, well I'm thinking that after two months he should know if he has some feelings for me, as I do for him, and make more effort to spend time with me during the DAY and my son.

[curiousnamow]

when you told him your wants and all, what was his response?? isn't he doing EXACTLY what he said in his personal ad??

He said he really didn't know how he was feeling, sounded genuine to me and yet, I'm thinking that maybe spending some "day" time with me and my son would help him to make some type of conclusion. At our age, I feel taking on a 5 yr old boy is alot to ask, so I have not really wanted to push the issue. I told him that I wanted to finish my college degree in 2 yrs and be in a commited relationship or married in 5 yrs. He is on the guiet side, but I am not letting him off the hook. Your are right, he is getting what he wants now, so why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free...sorry men, but I'm feeling like he is a pig right now.

[arthropod]

i still go back to what i said before . . . he's doing EXACTLY what he said in his personal!! that would be great if things worked-out and this turned into a MEANINGFUL relationship, but what's making him such a pig?? these timelines you're setting put pressure on any man you're with and YOU especially . . . don't think that's such a great idea.

He said he really didn't know how he was feeling, sounded genuine to me and yet, I'm thinking that maybe spending some "day" time with me and my son would help him to make some type of conclusion. At our age, I feel taking on a 5 yr old boy is alot to ask, so I have not really wanted to push the issue. I told him that I wanted to finish my college degree in 2 yrs and be in a commited relationship or married in 5 yrs. He is on the guiet side, but I am not letting him off the hook. Your are right, he is getting what he wants now, so why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free...sorry men, but I'm feeling like he is a pig right now.

[curiousnamow]

i still go back to what i said before . .

. he's doing EXACTLY what he said in his personal!! that would be great if things worked-out and this turned into a MEANINGFUL relationship, but what's making him such a pig?? these timelines you're setting put pressure on any man you're with and YOU especially . . . don't think that's such a great idea.

Thanks for responding Arthropod,curious, are you a guy or woman? I guess I just want more, too much? too fast? maybe, too selfish on my part, taking on my son and me at our age is alot, only human here. You are right,"he's doing EXACTLY what he said in his personal" and perhaps I am putting too much pressure on him because that is how I am..I have a fear of abandonment, all my "birth" family have died and feeling alone.He understands that and accepts that part of me. I don't do too well with "gray" areas and more with black and white and reality, rather than a dreamer. I need to know the who what where and when of my life as it is very difficult for me to balance all my responsibilities right now dealing with my son, college, work and home sometimes I just feel like pulling my hair out. When he is around, I get lost, let go, and feel like I am giving something to myself, I like that feeling and I think it helps me be a better Mother. I like having my ducks in a row (goals), so that I know how to set priorities. The pig thing is really my frustration with myself,I haven't had the greatest luck with relationships in general, despite the work I put into them. Not necessarily him, he's a nice guy trying to get by like we all are with a little bit of happiness, company, and joy. Again, I am only human and that was how I was feeling at the time I wrote. Just tired of the hole relationship thing..been doing it since I was 18 or so..so thats 30 years...a long time, I just want a "normal boring day to day relationship, with communication,humor, and intimacy. I am financially secure with my own home and six figures in the bank for my old age lol, with a fund for my son's education, so its not like I have to have a man, I want one,I'm tired of being so responsible and independant.