melbourneboy Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 hmmm well here is my Story My G.f and I have been together for 8 months and 4 months back i slept with one of my e.x's and i dont even know how it happned it was a drunk passed out moment that happned way to quickly. Well 4 months later i decide to confess to her because i want to stop feeling guilty about hiding it from her (Selfish i know). Now 3 hrs after i have told her i really wish i had kept my mouth shut. and cant stop thinking "what u dont know cant hurt u" I dont think our relationship will ever be the same even if she does decide that she still wants to be with me (quite doubtfull ) Does anyone think that someone can be Forgiven for something like this I really do love her with all of my Heart and what i did was really wrong and hurtfull i wish i could take all of it back. There is nothing i can Do i feel so helpless and **** right now. never going to cheat again!! Right now its been about 5 hrs since it happned and still feel like ****, how long do i have to wait until she calls me. I really hope she can Forgive me. cheating is so evil...never again, Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Well, I can assure you it takes more than five hours to forgive someone for cheating. In a marriage with infidelity it can take years to regain trust. And it is rare when it actually happens. You screwed up. Doesn't matter what your excuses are for it happening. Drunk or not doesn't make a difference. Plus you waited months to be honest with her about it. That is a major betrayal. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the next time you do hear from her it is to tell you to never speak to her again. Hopefully you will have learned a lesson from this. Link to post Share on other sites
magwyle Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 It will take a very long time and there really is nothing you can do about that. Knowing that you kept it from her for so many months really will make it worse. You've got to understand that even if you feel confident that you won't do it again she may not and that can make it hard to continue with someone. If she wants to work it out it'll take her as long as it takes so if you want to stay with you you'll just need to stick by her while she deals with it and you'll hopefully have to take a lot of crap from her which you deserve. I guess it is possible to forgive something like this. I don't know, I don't think I'd forgive so if you're serious about being faithful to her from now on then you'll be very lucky if she can forgive you. Being cheated on makes you feel unloved, taken for granted, betrayed. It can destroy you for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I think your gitlfriend would be dumb to forgive you. Not only did you cheat on her, but you hid it for half the length of your relationship. Hopefully she'll make the right choice and never see you again. But hey, at least you learned your lesson, right? Link to post Share on other sites
zoidberg Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 How soon do you think you would forgive her if the tables were turned? It's very hard to say until/unless it does happen to you. Different people will forgive in their own way in their own time. It is HER choice when or whether to forgive you. Forgiveness is, by nature, never something you deserve, and therefore not something you can ever demand or even expect. On the other hand, if someone won't ever forgive, then you might be justified in deciding to move on, yourself (if she won't forgive you, you can at least forgive yourself), but that generally means moving on without her. Count yourself wiser for the experience and learn from your mistakes. But don't give up just yet -- give it a few weeks, at least. Show that you are willing to talk about it, that you accept her anger and hurt feelings toward you, and that you are committed to sticking it out (assuming you really are). I strongly disagree with the "what they don't know won't hurt them" philosophy. It encourages deception and dishonesty, and relationships need honesty like people need oxygen. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsP Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 But don't give up just yet -- give it a few weeks, at least. Show that you are willing to talk about it, that you accept her anger and hurt feelings toward you, and that you are committed to sticking it out (assuming you really are). Showing her that you are willing to talk about it means sharing with her a lot better explanation than the "I was really drunk and it happened before I knew it" one. I imagine that your gf is reviewing everything she said, did, thought or looked like for the week you told her you cheated on her asking herself what she did to deserve it (or how she could be so dumb as to have thought you two had something all this time). I think if you are going to be honest with her, you need to confront why an opportunity with an ex led to intercourse with said ex. I can't guess what the driver was, but your girlfriend is probably going to need more than what sounds like a lame excuse. In a drunk moment would you have slept with anyone who gave you the opportunity at the time or was there something you were trying to proove with this girl? If the relationship is worth trying to keep, you need to think through and share your honest reasons for doing what you did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author melbourneboy Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 There really isnt a honest answer to why i did it, i was passed out and the girl crawled into my bed. anyways just a update 4 days later we are talking again and she wants to put this all behind us and move forward together so i am really greatfull she has given me the second chance, she just doesnt know how she is going to be around me at first but im sure its going to take some time to get things back on track so im taking her out for dinner on Friday night to a nice steakhouse in the city and we are just going to have a good time together and hopefully we can move on from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author melbourneboy Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 it happned 4 months ago i dont remember why i did it there is no reason it was just a stupid mistake Link to post Share on other sites
yawhatever Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I would say it takes a couple of months before one can see the other, and a year to regain trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author melbourneboy Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Well i would say it would be different for everyone. there has been massive progress made the last few days and we have been having 15 min phone conversations the last couple of days and everything seems like its back to normal, she even asked me to stay over at her house after our date tommrrow and help her babysit her niece's the folowing night. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I would be surprised if you have truly heard the last of this. Stuff like this sort of ends up taking on a life of it's own, and comes back to haunt you for months, if not years. Everyone is different of course. My ex-gf cheated on me once, and I know this sounds s***ty and isn't going to earn me any points for chivalry on here, but the only thing that really made it feel any better in my head was to reassure myself that I had one coming to me. I was too emotionally weak to leave her, having been madly in love with her for a couple of years, but my attitude and my outlook was forever shifted. Eventually I fessed up and just told her I wanted us to be in an open relationship. If sex meant that little to her, and was truly that seperate from love (her words), then I figured we might as well be having it with whoever we want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author melbourneboy Posted March 11, 2006 Author Share Posted March 11, 2006 Yeahs i probly havnt heard the last of it, althou we went out for dinner last night and both had a really good night everything seemed like it was back to way things were lots of laughs lots of smiles hugs holding hands etc. the night was really good, this morning before i left i hugged her and told her i loved her and she said I love you to, Im thinking something isnt right here. i dont know if someone can really just put all of this behind them and go on like nothing has happned but it surely seems the way it has gone so far. Fingers crossed that everything will work itself out. Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Im thinking something isnt right here. i dont know if someone can really just put all of this behind them and go on like nothing has happned but it surely seems the way it has gone so far. Very keen observation. Your GF is probably gong to switch back and forth between loving and hating you within the same week, day or even hour. She is probably feeling relieved and giddy right now, but reality will come back to smack her in the face, and you should be prepared for some rought days ahead. If you want to stay together, you will have to tolerate her emotional turbulence and do what you can to comfort her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts