Burcheela Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I've never posted here before, but I figured it couldn't hurt. This is my dilemma... as best I can tell it... (Sorry it's so lengthy.) I got engaged on Valentine's Day of 2005. I was 17. (Yeah, I know.) Now, I'm 18. My fiancé is 21. We've been together for 2 and half years, and we've lived together for about 1 year. My fiancé is the only person I've ever slept with. I had one boyfriend before him, but that lasted less than 2 months. Before me, my fiancé had only one steady girlfriend, whom he was with for 4 years and was engaged to as well. I've cheated on my fiancé twice. The first time was over 2 years ago, and I told him about it. The second time was about 6 months ago, and I didn't tell him. I didn't sleep with either of them, but it was cheating nonetheless. Though the circumstances of the incidents were different, in both cases they happened when my fiancé was away for longer than usual. I worry because now my fiancé will be gone for longer than he has ever been. He left last month and won't be coming home until October. He's only been gone a month, and already I have someone else on my mind. Though, I’ve actually had this same person on my mind for over 3 years. I'm not considering cheating with this other person, but I think about it. Often. I think to myself... If I were to ever cheat on my fiancé again, it would be with this person. If I were to ever sleep with another man, it would be with this man. The only reason I don't think I would do such a thing is because I like this other person too much to put him in a situation like that. And that sounds bad enough. I've been acquainted with this person longer than my fiancé, but I don't know him really. Certainly not in the way I know my fiancé. He was one of the first people I met when I moved to this town, and I liked him the second I shook his hand. Though, realistically, I don't think I would ever have the chance to be romantically involved with this other man because, I assume, he's not interested. I could be wrong. Sometimes I think I'm wrong. I guess my question is... Should I be considering breaking it off with my fiancé just because I feel so strongly about someone else, even though there, most likely, is no potential relationship between me and this other person? And even if there is potential, I don’t feel like I should end my current relationship to pursue someone I know so little about compared to my fiancé. Am I wrong? In any case, I wonder if I'm just bound to cheat again. If I'm an idiot, just say so. Link to post Share on other sites
AmItheOne Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I won't be the one to tell you to end an engagement, that is a HUGE decision that you need to weigh in your own head. I will however say that I believe you are too young, too inexperienced, to know what you truly want in a partner and that you having these feelings is a sign of that. Settling for your fiance because its comfortable or because you don't want to hurt his feelings is absolutely no way to start a life. If you do want to make it work with him, I suggest a LONG engagement and counseling before marriage (some religions require it). Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 You aren't an idiot, you're just not mature enough for a real relationship yet. Not that it's completely your fault; 17 is far too young for msot people to be settling down. Wait until you've experienced more in life and relationships before you make the decision to get engaged. There's nothing worse than marrying the first person you date. Link to post Share on other sites
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