josielane Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Ok, first all I would like to say that I am new here. I have been lurking for awhile, and the advice I've read has been helpful, but I am in a wierd situation and I think I need some specific help. This is going to be long, but like I said...VERY WIERD situation. So here it is: We have been dating for a year and half. Everything has been great. Hardley any problems at all. The past few months, things in our lives have been hectic. New jobs, money issues, moving issues, etc. But things with us have been awesome. Then all this happened. About a month ago, late jan, he came over, and for some reason I had a temporary insanity moment and I started blurting things out about how I thought he was pulling away, I was afraid he thought the relationship was dead, etc. Now, I didn't really believe this. He had been busy trying to get a new job, and the holidays, and we hadn't seen each other much and I got scared. When I told him all of this he seemed very upset. And very much like he didn't believe what I was saying at all. We talked, and things were fine. About a week later, he broke up with me. He didn't really have a real reason, just that we had been dating for awhile and he didn't want to date anyone right now. We talked again and decided to just take some time and see what happened, I think he used the words, put a pause on our relationship, that he didn't think that this was forever. After that, for a few weeks...I initated contact. Whenever I did, he wouldn't answer the phone, but would call me back an hour or so later and talk to me for at least an hour, almost every day. He was semi-stand offish, but also very nice and concerned about my day to day life. Then a couple of weeks later, I snapped, I told him that I missed him, and he said he missed me too, and that was the end of the conversation. I decided I was too upset to talk rationally and changed the subject. A few days after that the emails started. At least one a day, usually short emails, links to things. So, I decided to take a chance and tell him again that I missed him as casually as possible and we should hang out. He said he missed me as well, but things really needed to settle down for him at work, etc. A few days later, without warning, he wanted to meet for lunch. I went, and when I brought him back to his work he had brought me some computer speakers because I had mentioned weeks ago mine were broken. He hugged me, gave me a light peck and told me he'd "come out soon I promise." When he got home that night he called me. After that he called me on his way home from work for a few days. Then one day, he didn't call me. So I called him, got no answer. Then the next day, I got a phone call apologizing for not calling me, saying he was sick and went to bed early. This was a major confusion point because he hadn't really been the one calling alot, and had never apologized for going any length of time without talking to me. The next day I didn't hear from him. So, Sunday I called him, we talked for awhile. He was very stressed at work and had spent the whole weekend working and sleeping. He seemed a little pissy, so I left it alone. Then a week went by. He stopped calling as much. If I called him, he pulled the call her back and talk for an hour plus thing. He was emailing me at work a lot, and sending me the occasional picture mail on my phone. But the calling every day as soon as I leave work thing was dead. So, I don't know what to think here. He seemed to really be coming around, and now I don't know. He's not really pulling back, but he's not coming on as hard as he was. If I call, he talks to me forever. He tries to keep emailing and text messages going. But he's not trying to see me, or talk about things. Seeing each other has not been brought up since the I will come out soon comment. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated. All I hear from friends, is that is wierd. Well, yes, yes it is, but I really need a direction to go in here. I feel like what I have been doing has had some effect and seems to be working, but I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
heartnsoul Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 He's stringing you along He may not be completely aware of it but he's on the fence, for sure. Passive aggressive = he buys you speakers ... then ignores phone calls ... comes on strong then stops cold. He has a little too much power of this situation, IMO. My advice in this situation would be to tell you to back off. He's a little too comfortable knowing that you're there waiting in the wings. He hasn't been given the chance to know what life will be like without you. He knows you miss and love him but don't let that give him the power to take advantage. If he asked to be excused from the relationship then .. for now, I see no other option for you. Displaying some self respect should be at the forefront of your personal priorities right now. There's nothing within anyones power that can make someone else feel something they don't or desire something they don't Here's a light read ... something that I stumbled accross when my ex asked me for a break months back...... http://www.love-sessions.com/relationship_break.htm Link to post Share on other sites
Author josielane Posted March 5, 2006 Author Share Posted March 5, 2006 I think I agree, but I know he's not doing it in purpose. We ended up having a four hour phone conversation last night about everything but our relationship. If I had to make a guess, I would say he still wants to be with me, but wants to be by himself as well, and doesn't really know what to do. You're right though, I do need to just back off a little and see how it goes. I'm just not sure how to do that. If I just stop talking to him, he'll see right through it. Link to post Share on other sites
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