Please decipher - I need to know

[Stasia]

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was basically due to circumstances beyond anyones control. There has been alot of change going on in his life that he needs to deal with on his own. I love him so much but I don't understand any of this. (1) He breaks up with me - says can't deal with a relationship with anyone but he cares for me deeply and he wants us to remain friends and still do things together, can't handle a boyfriend capacity of things. (2) Said that it feels wonderful to be with me, it is nice, it feels great, but for some reason he said it doesn't feel right and he feels like a schmuck. Is this because he is having a self worth self esteem problem since his life in on a low note? (3) After he broke up with me he said that he wanted to have dinner with me the next night because he had something for me. -- This makes no sense, because he dumped me why does he want to see me and give me a gift. It almost makes it as if he wasn't sure of what he had just done. (4) I called him to tell him that it wouldn't be right for us to see each other and that I had made plans with someone else. HE had asked who- I said friends - He said where are you going - I told him. He said that he really wanted to see me. I also told him that I was going away this holiday weekend He asked where - I told him - He asked why I was going there by saying "What's in Vancouver" I told a friend of mine from way back in college. He then told me that he was in an accident earlier that day and that he had to go see a specialist today because he might require surgery. I said I was sorry to hear that. And he said it is just another problem, because his health coverage ran out. He said he would let me know how everything goes with the Dr. today.

 

I don't understand any of this. He dumped me, said he couldn't eal with a relationship with anyone - he didn't want to try and fix it. But I still love him very much and I'm confused about this whole situation. What does any of this mean. I even asked him if he lost his attraction to me. He said "no" that he just doesn't want to be with anyone. But if that is the case why the above scenario? Can anyone help me?

[Broken Heart]

Stasia,

 

I am going through something similar. I hurt so badly all over. I feel as if he has died and abandoned me to cope with this loss. Sometimes I'm ok then other times something will remind me of him and I start crying. I wish I knew why they say they want to remain friends. I'm sorry you are going through this too.

 

Have a good time on your trip to Vancouver.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was basically due to circumstances beyond anyones control. There has been alot of change going on in his life that he needs to deal with on his own. I love him so much but I don't understand any of this. (1) He breaks up with me - says can't deal with a relationship with anyone but he cares for me deeply and he wants us to remain friends and still do things together, can't handle a boyfriend capacity of things. (2) Said that it feels wonderful to be with me, it is nice, it feels great, but for some reason he said it doesn't feel right and he feels like a schmuck. Is this because he is having a self worth self esteem problem since his life in on a low note? (3) After he broke up with me he said that he wanted to have dinner with me the next night because he had something for me. -- This makes no sense, because he dumped me why does he want to see me and give me a gift. It almost makes it as if he wasn't sure of what he had just done. (4) I called him to tell him that it wouldn't be right for us to see each other and that I had made plans with someone else. HE had asked who- I said friends - He said where are you going - I told him. He said that he really wanted to see me. I also told him that I was going away this holiday weekend He asked where - I told him - He asked why I was going there by saying "What's in Vancouver" I told a friend of mine from way back in college. He then told me that he was in an accident earlier that day and that he had to go see a specialist today because he might require surgery. I said I was sorry to hear that. And he said it is just another problem, because his health coverage ran out. He said he would let me know how everything goes with the Dr. today. I don't understand any of this. He dumped me, said he couldn't eal with a relationship with anyone - he didn't want to try and fix it. But I still love him very much and I'm confused about this whole situation. What does any of this mean. I even asked him if he lost his attraction to me. He said "no" that he just doesn't want to be with anyone. But if that is the case why the above scenario? Can anyone help me?

[diane]

He should be able to handle the problems in his life while continuing to date you. Maybe he is having trouble realizing this or actually carrying this out, regardless, it is not your responsibility.

 

You are right, you can't drop everything just because he wants to see you, after he just broke up with you. He needs to realize what is important in his life. He needs to be more clear if he loves you and cares about you.

 

Some people cope by pulling together and some don't. The way two people in any relationship cope can define who they become.

 

You can explain to him that you love him and that he needs to decide how he feels about you and show you. Words can't convey the feeling this time for you because he is saying one thing and doing another.

 

You are not going to make things worse by being firm with him. He knows you love him and care about him. It is never easy, but I know from my experiences, the more I gave in and tried to appease the other person, the worse things got. Nothing was accomplished. It is okay for him to feel this way, but unless he finds what he needs to find and unless you two grow from this, things won't change or move on for you two.

 

He needs to want to work together with you so you will be able to build upon this moment.

 

Take care,

 

Diane

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was basically due to circumstances beyond anyones control. There has been alot of change going on in his life that he needs to deal with on his own. I love him so much but I don't understand any of this. (1) He breaks up with me - says can't deal with a relationship with anyone but he cares for me deeply and he wants us to remain friends and still do things together, can't handle a boyfriend capacity of things. (2) Said that it feels wonderful to be with me, it is nice, it feels great, but for some reason he said it doesn't feel right and he feels like a schmuck. Is this because he is having a self worth self esteem problem since his life in on a low note? (3) After he broke up with me he said that he wanted to have dinner with me the next night because he had something for me. -- This makes no sense, because he dumped me why does he want to see me and give me a gift. It almost makes it as if he wasn't sure of what he had just done. (4) I called him to tell him that it wouldn't be right for us to see each other and that I had made plans with someone else. HE had asked who- I said friends - He said where are you going - I told him. He said that he really wanted to see me. I also told him that I was going away this holiday weekend He asked where - I told him - He asked why I was going there by saying "What's in Vancouver" I told a friend of mine from way back in college. He then told me that he was in an accident earlier that day and that he had to go see a specialist today because he might require surgery. I said I was sorry to hear that. And he said it is just another problem, because his health coverage ran out. He said he would let me know how everything goes with the Dr. today. I don't understand any of this. He dumped me, said he couldn't eal with a relationship with anyone - he didn't want to try and fix it. But I still love him very much and I'm confused about this whole situation. What does any of this mean. I even asked him if he lost his attraction to me. He said "no" that he just doesn't want to be with anyone. But if that is the case why the above scenario? Can anyone help me?