ohzee Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 What exactly does this mean, "Lets take it slow". After a romantic, passionate, loving relationship, do we need to start over as friends again and develop from there? I feel like I am going backwards instead of forward. Link to post Share on other sites
coasting Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Without knowing the situation it is hard to answer that question......So assuming you left your ex I am going to say taking it slow means exactly that. You obviously broke your ex's heart and you are lucky enough to get that second chance.....You are goingto have regain your ex's trust and that will not happen over night....If you are serious about making your relationship work, you are going to have to get to know each other again. Being on the broken hearted end I will honestly say that I am seriously thinking about giving my ex another chance, and I plan on taking it very slow.....meaning I need to be sure that I am going to get the respect I deserve, and that I am going to be able to trust him again....the past can be forgiven but it will never be forgotten......In time it will fade to the back of my mind but if you want your relationship to work, you can not live in the past, as there is no future in the past......So my advise is to take it slow with the ex and let them know that you are totatly devoted to the relationship....and if you have even a hint of a doubt then do not go on with the second chance thing.......Do not let the heartbreak start all over again, as you are lucky you are getting this second chance...GOOD LUCK! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohzee Posted March 5, 2006 Author Share Posted March 5, 2006 actually, she broke my heart and realized her mistake and asked to come back. I accepted the offer on my terms and she agreed. however she indicated she wants to take it slow, which really means, she will see me when and how she wants. WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
destination_unknown Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 =she indicated she wants to take it slow, which really means, she will see me when and how she wants. WTF? Dont read her mind. You may very well be right, but she may want to take it slow so she doesnt mess up again. In anycase, i think its nearly always better taking things slow when trying to reconcile. That way you can begin to rebuild trust without making yourself completely veunerable. It also means if you are seeing each other infrequently for "dates" you can get fresh romance back! Dont give her a second chance if you dont think you will be able to let go of her breaking your heart. Best of luck with it.. keep us updated! Link to post Share on other sites
coasting Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I am sorry you had to go through the pain....but knowing that she wants to see you only when she wants to....not good! You need to question her on her true feelings. Are you sure you want a second chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohzee Posted March 5, 2006 Author Share Posted March 5, 2006 Are you sure you want a second chance?. The question should be, Am I sure I want to give her a second chance? Answer: Absolutely. The problem is she says she wants to keep seeing me but she doesn't want to jump into a ralationship, she wants to take it slow, I don't get what that means, how am I supposed to bahave around her without being too pushy? Are we or are we not a couple? She feels pressured when asked that question. Link to post Share on other sites
coasting Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 The only two that can answer that question are you and her.....I would say there are lots of things that need to be discussed between you two.....It is a hard thing to try to explain one's feelings and thoughts, but do not read to much into it without being sure of the answers. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 It's like there's this set of keys with second chances, -except you don't get them all at once: there are some missing off the key ring that you have you work really hard to get back. They're all keys that open your heart and life wide open again, -that's why they're so important. Both of you have a set of keys, some of them may be damaged. Sometimes, one or two of them may have been damaged before you ever became a couple, because of other traumatic things that may have happened earlier in your life, -and that's certainly something to consider before beginning a second chance with anyone. The first key is trust and it just happens to be the hardest to get. With trust, -when you make the move to trust- you are laying yourself open to possible hurt again, -and you are so acutely aware of it. Being so aware of it can screw up the whole thing: you second-guess too much because you're afraid that you might wind up being someones fool again. It's so hard to accomplish because, for one, it's difficult to just muster up enough courage to step forward knowing there might be failure or rejection, -and secondly, your pride and self-respect is at stake. Gaining trust back is mainly about two things: overcoming your fears and still being able to keep your self-respect. And getting to the point where you can trust again involves having to re-think and review all the good and bad things that happened in your relationship and weighing them with as much rational intelligence as you are capable of. Trust is the hardest step for many of us. Make sure that you have truly given enough consideration to yourself - how much rejection and humiliation you might be capable of swallowing right now and what it would do to you to experience it at this stage. Look at the possibilities of how your life could actually turn out without a second chance with this particular person in it. Look at all the unreconciled differences and determine whether or not they could be reconciled -or are worth fixing. Do a thorough check-up on who you are right this moment, -and what you truly want for your life ahead. All that should give you a clearer picture of whether you should be working towards rebuilding a full ring of keys with this person. Important note: You have to trust yourself and have confidence in all you know about yourself before you can survive the ups and downs of trusting another human being. My suggestion: start with knowing just that, -know what you really want, what really works for you, -first. Take Care. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 . The question should be, Am I sure I want to give her a second chance? Answer: Absolutely. The problem is she says she wants to keep seeing me but she doesn't want to jump into a ralationship, she wants to take it slow, I don't get what that means, how am I supposed to bahave around her without being too pushy? Are we or are we not a couple? She feels pressured when asked that question. The only way a second chance will work: 1. You take it slow. 2. You start over from scratch. 3. You, her or the situation has changed. 4. You both are willing to compromise. 5. You both are willing to forgive and forget. The fact she wants to take it slow is a good sign. Don't be in a rush to end up right where you left off for that will make sure it's end up the same way as well. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I went back and read a previous thread you started. Is this the same girl who got rid of you after six months to get back with an ex-boyfriend? My friend, I wish I could say something encouraging, but you're beating a dead horse. Her romantic interest in you is just about zero. That's why she wants to "take it slow." How much slower can you take it?! She knows you're not the one. She's just gonna play around with you until she finds someone she really likes, because you're letting her do it. I'd strongly suggest strict no contact and hustle some new numbers if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
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