wedidit Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 we were together since nov. 2001, i was in japan, and she was in florida. we were young and both cheated, but hers was with her ex that she couldnt get over, even after we got engaged in june of 2003 and she went back to him. but i had someone on the side too. it seems to hurt me more than her, though she is hurt too. we both feel bad but dont know if we should stay together. there are intimate details that hurt even more, like no condom, and she instigated it not her lover. what should we do? Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I think you need to break up and both grow up. If you are both cheating all over the place then you both aren't ready for a lifetime commitment to eachother. She odvisouly isn't over her ex, so let her have time with him while you go and find someone new Link to post Share on other sites
Author wedidit Posted March 5, 2006 Author Share Posted March 5, 2006 the thing is we are married now, and we just found this out after 2 years of marriage. we are moving in 2 weeks, and have never had to face this kind of thing. we have both been faithful since married, but i think if i wasnt around and we were still in florida, she would go back with him. she admits she wanted him. she doesnt want him now she says. she lost her virginity to him very young (15) and we started dating when she was 17, we were married when she was 19 so all the way up until then she was with him while i was gone. she said she cheated while we were engaged, but only a couple times. i cheated too but it was because i knew she had cheated. well i didnt KNOW, but things were different. we could only be physically together for about a month a year, but she was very in love with me, as i was with her. should we just say they were horny mistakes?, or just throw the marriage away. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 regardless of how far and how often you guys could have seen eachother during the year, the fact of the matter is that you both cheated on the other one, and it sounds like you both did it many many times. I am not saying to throw the marriage away but something has to be bothering you about this or else you wouldn't be on this site in the first place. It sounds to me that its easy for her not to think about her ex since you aren't in the same area anymore, but what if you were? Would she get intrested again? I think that people who cheat can stop cheating sometmies, but the age that she is, and just the fact that you both did it makes me wonder just what this marriage was based on in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Better to cheat while engaged than while married, if nothing else. Have you thought about seeing a counselor before scrapping the marriage? I don't understand why people get married so young. Link to post Share on other sites
workitout Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 we are going to see a marriage counselor tommorow. saw him once on friday. he pretty much discounts everything that happened before we were married. she did go back to florida for 9 days, and saw her ex's concert, then went to my wifes, and her ex's mutual friends house, she hugged him, and they caught up on things. there was no sex, but still i asked her not to go to the concert unless one of my trusted friends went with her, and she told me she told him to go but he never showed up. i called him yesterday, and he never even knew about it. she said she did call and left him a message.... i dont know about this one. she and her ex were left alone to talk for 5 minutes or so she says. its easy for her to lie, she can do it with a straight face, while swearing on her grandmothers grave. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 you have a wife thats clearly not over her ex, I mean come on she flew down to see a concert? Then lied to you about going with a friend? Why would she even go down there in teh first place? And you have serious trust issues. You are both young and married young, I don't see this ending well at all Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 you have (and understandable so ) have trust issues and she isn't over her ex. I mean come on who flies to another state to see an ex's concert? And then lie to you about getting a friend to go with them? Most people after they cheat agree to never see the people again. Link to post Share on other sites
workitout Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 our famliys are from there, she didnt fly there TO SEE him, but she did go see him knowing that i forbid it. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 should we just say they were horny mistakes?, or just throw the marriage away. Eh, I read the part about her lying and flying down to see a concert. Meh. Well, no kids just yet? No house together? I'd start seriously looking at splitting. Link to post Share on other sites
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