What were the signs?

[BeFree]

To those of you that have gotten engaged, what were the signs, if any that your SO was getting ready to pop the question?

[HokeyReligions]

We started talking about the future and "our house" and "when we move" and things like that. We didn't really talk about marriage until it was time to discuss the details. It just seemed like crossed some line at some time and knew that we would be together always. I knew from day one that I'd marry him. It took a couple of years to adjust to each other and make sure we were compatible, but it seems like I just always knew and as we got to know each other better he was the same way. I don't know when it happened for him. I don't think either of us entered the relationship wondering if or how long it would last, although I think after about six months or so hubby figured out that we would be together forever.

[BeFree]

But my questions is, right before he actually got down on his knees and asked you, was anything about his behavior different?

 

I ask because I have a feeling my BF is getting close to making the move. I'm just wondering if anyone saw it coming or looking back notice things that changed in his behavior before their BF or GF popped the question.

[Guest]

At no stage did he get down on his knee, but there were a number of signs in the lead-up to the over-the-table proposal.

 

(a) he started talking about marriage, the future etc;

(b) he subtly tested my taste in rings (although he didn't propose with one); and, most significantly

© He upped the "I love yous".

 

The latter was probably the most signiifcant factor. We're not a lovey dovey couple, so I was growing more and more bemused at his increasing soppiness. All things considered, it wasn't a surprise. I don't know how many proposals are these days - most people discuss marriage in some fashion before the proposal.

[june06]

for my fiancee - yes when i look back his behaviour was different..

 

he started (2 months in the relationship) to say occasionally - that he thinks he could marry me; then

8 - 13 months in relationship he was talking about our children, future and WHEN we will get married; then

13 -16 months in relationshi he suddenly become a little distant. You notice he speaks to your friends without you knowing... he disapprars for a while without reason (i mean for few hours, not days ). you feel he hides things from you. your friends, family are smiling knowing when they see you... he suddenly does not want to tell you anything about his finances.. etc

 

and then one day it happens. all the distance few months before is because he has asked your parents for permission, your friends for the advice on the ring and the type of surprise you might like.. and of course thall all takes time to prepare

 

enjoy - proposal is one of the most wonderful moments in your life

[bab]

We talked about it. I knew he was ring shopping. In the long run, I think this is the best option. We discussed what many of the details would be like so that when I said yes, I already new exactly what I was agreeing to.

[BeFree]

Thanks all,

 

We have been discussing things such as if we would have a small or a big wedding and if we want a prenup. Things like that. The thing that has made me most curious is he has become much more lovey dovey lately. We have never really been that way.

So I will wait and see. I'm sure it won't be for awhile, but with Tony you never know.

[Tenorman]

As I understand your post, you're saying that you're both on the same page about the future ie marriage (you've had all the precursor conversations) but you're wondering what 'signs' there may be that suggest that he is about to make the formal proposal by getting down on his knee etc.

 

Now if it were me, I'd be trying my damndest not to give the girl any signs, signals or clues as to when I 'm getting down on bended knee - in fact I would try to somehow create a situation where she might be inconvenienced a bit or put out perhaps even a tad irritated or even a tiny bit insecure (it's a fine line I'm sure) but in short a situation where the girl knows deep down I'm going to propose but the actual delivery, timing venue etc of the proposal will take her by surprise. I suppose an example may be to get her to perform some sort of task or errand for me which puts her out, annoys the living crap out of her but ends up being a ruse for me to make the proposal.

[Becoming]

We had had all the talk of future as well.

 

But I knew something was up the day my H proposed because he actually went and talked to my family, asking their blessing before asking me. I was home from college. It was Christmas Eve, and everyone was acting weirder than normal.

 

My younger sisters offered to clean the living room. This was akin to the dog suddenly breaking into "Moon River." My mother kept asking, "Are you gonna wear THAT?" Like all we were doing is hanging out, getting ready for Christmas and going to church later that p.m. She ran to the store at the last minute for hors d'oevres. Say what? But it was Dad who really tipped it off. He couldn't stop smiling at me.

 

I had a feeling something was up, but I chalked it up to Christmas secrets until everyone just disappeared after church, suddenly sleepy. A fire was lit, my mother's hors d'oevres were all laid out. My favorite Christmas albumn was on and all lights off except the Christmas tree and candles. It had started to snow big fluffy flakes that we watched through the bay windows.

A lovely silent night.

 

Then suddenly he's down on one knee . . . It was all-but perfect.

[magda]

Aww, that's so cute, Becoming.

 

He rather surprised me with his timing, but not really. We had already named our future children by then so it wasn't really out of the blue. I am pretty sure he told me that he got me something. Definitely lovey lovey. Oh and we were on vacation at the time and he was very protective of our time together during the planning of the trip, and anxious to get me away from people that night, etc.

[bitty]

I just got engaged this past Saturday, and now that I look back at the past few months, I see the signs. But what I want to know, is why you would want to know when it's coming? I was in your situation, worried if I would ever see him on that bended knee, but now that it's happened, I've realized that it isn't when or how that matters, it's the commitment behind it, and when he's ready, he's ready. Now if you guys talk about it like you say you do, the future and all, I would say you have nothing to worry about and keep doing what you're doing and sit back, relax, and wait for the moment to arise. Now, three years down the relationship and there's no proposal, maybe you should kinda hint around as to what you're "expecting."

 

It was a COMPLETE surprise when he proposed. I had gotten there right around 4pm and he ordered in chinese food for us & we cuddled up on the couch to eat. A little while after, around sunset, he suggested we get into the hot tub. SO I went to get on my bathing suit while he was "getting it ready." It was sunset, so it was getting darker. He had candles set out all around the hot tub & there were several rubber duckies floating around. I got in and we relaxed for a while, and eventually I noticed that one of the rubber duckies had a ribbon tied around its neck. He noticed that I had finally seen the ribbon ducky and he goes "I think there's something stuck on it, get it off and see what it is" So i picked up the ducky and looked at him with tears already forming in my eyes. He took the ring off of the duck and kneeled down and asked me to marry him. By that time, tears were rolling down my cheeks. The first thing I did was grab him and kiss him and I said yes, and kissed him again and said "For the rest of my life yes!" and he put the ring on me. I told him I didnt know what to say, and he told me that I already said all he needed to hear.

 

Now that I look back, the picking up my rings and putting them on his finger, the asking me what my favorite rings looked like, ordering me jewelry magazines knowing I make "wish-lists" by circling what I like, even when I know I wont get it, telling me "I can't wait until we get married" and saying things like "one day I will show you just how much you mean to me". Also he had started to talk to me about how things would be when we moved in together, about when would be a good time to get married, about his and my future careers and how we would work them out together, etc. Everyone knew the 2 months before hand. He had it for TWO MONTHS in the drawer above the one I use at his house to store my shorts and stuff. Amazing how sneeky they can be. I'm SOOOO glad I didnt find out or recognize the signs, it was SO much better that way!

[BeFree]

These are all great stories! It's nice to hear stories like these when we mostly just hear about bad things on LS. Keep them coming.

 

[basscatcher]

As I read this and I came across Becomings post. I started to tear up..

 

Gawd I feel like I will NEVER had that kind of romance in my life. I feel like I will NEVER marry again..

 

Men just suck in my life. They are never emotionally available to me.

 

Geeze I'm so envious and feel disappointed at my own life at the same time.. Ugh.. I knew I shouldn't have read this thread...

 

All females want that dream... They want someone to love them and they want to be their SO's world.. Man I am having a Cinderella Complex right now... Ugh..

[Becoming]

ah, pada, i'm sorry. For what it's worth, I'm actually thinking of leaving my H after 25 years. I started crying when I wrote that post, wondering what happened to that guy.

 

There really is no such thing as the fairy-tale romance that lasts forever. That's why we cherish and lift up those moments--because they're rare. But yes, that's what I crave, too.

 

But that's because we're divas!

[BeFree]

You must love yourself more than anything. That's the only thing that you can keep forever.

 

I have been with my bf for three years and we have seen bad times and good. We know marriage is hard work and we have no illusion that it's a fairytale.

 

Becoming, perhaps you can remeber those feelings from 25 years ago and use it as a reason to try and find what you think may be lost.

 

 

BTW, this was supposed to be a happy thread!

[ladyinwaiting]

My man totally gave the game away, although it's largely my fault. We have a day of the month when we try to go out to celebrate our 'anniversary' (ie the day we met, and started going out). Anyway, I to work that morning and got an urgent matter, and I had to ring him and ask him if would he mind if we took a raincheck because I wanted to work late. To my utter surprise, he said that, yes, he would mind! He'd never done that before! We ended up arguing over my priorities and I turned up that night in a huff. He still proposed, though!

 

As for the signs beforehand, definitely the lovey-doveyness. More contact of every kind. He insisted on spending the Saturday night before with me, which was weird because that's his night out with the boys. We discussed marriage in general, weddings in general, preferences for where to live etc. We discussed how we would handle finances, given I own a house and have savings and he doesn't. He pretty much directly asked what I wanted in a ring (I told him I morally objected to diamonds and he said that made him love me even more). He gave up a job to stay with me ... big signs and little signs, I guess. In the end I wasn't really that surprised.

[BeFree]

Thanks Lady in waiting!

 

That is a great story. It's funny how suddenly I can't remember the last time he choose to hang out with his friends instead of me on a Sat. it used to be that he always hang out with his friends at least one night a weekend. I don't imagine that he will spend months planning and talking to my family. That's just not his way. I do think he will buy the ring weeks in advance knowing exactly when he will ask. He loves to surprise me.

[basscatcher]

ah, pada, i'm sorry. For what it's worth, I'm actually thinking of leaving my H after 25 years. I started crying when I wrote that post, wondering what happened to that guy.

 

There really is no such thing as the fairy-tale romance that lasts forever. That's why we cherish and lift up those moments--because they're rare. But yes, that's what I crave, too.

 

But that's because we're divas!

 

I agree there is not such thing as a lasting fairy-tail romance.. I woke up this morning crying. Crying because I miss how loving and sweet my XBF was. I miss him.. (He is now married a year after he walked out on me)..

I feel almost guilty for even missing him because he is married to someone else and I am with Charlie and I've fallen in love with him; although it is not perfect and I do feel like I'm dehydrating.

 

Yes, I am a diva... That is my nickname from my Vice President and my gf... :lmao:

 

I have had the fairy-tail but it never lasts... I think its a curse or a punishment.. jk:bunny:

[BeFree]

I want my happy thread back!