cantlivewithoutyou Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 this is too tough to really explain. my husband cheated on me, because of that and other ancient problems i finally aranged a divorce. because we have a small child and i was supporting both of them, we arranged for us to live together until he got stable. i wanted to ease the kid into it and provide a better place for him for the times he would be with his father 6 months later (after we were "seperated" though not legally) i fell in love. i hid it from him because i knew he would go crazy even though he had done it first, 6 months after that, about a 3 weeks ago, he found out, now he wants to sue for sole custody, saying i am not a fit parent. unfortunatley, since i have been supporting them and he has gotten a job, we are now both about financially equal. i know i was too nice and got screwed, but is he going to get sole custody, he can't understand that a child needs 2 parents Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 According to what I've read, and Dr. Phil recently on his show about cheaters- child custody is not determined by infidelity. Unless they can show a pattern of you neglecting your child to be with the other guy. Have you exposed your kids to the other guy??? Otherwise are you a stable good mother? That's going to be the determining factor. Are you guys already divorced????? I can't tell from your post. If so, the only thing that the judge will look at as far as custody will be who is the better parent. Start documenting everything- such as when he sees his child, all the phone calls and everything. You never know how much that will help once you go to court. Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 the kids go to who will be the better parent Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 It may depend on whether you live in a "fault" or "no fault" state, but I am pretty sure that infidelity can't be used against you. Even if it could, you both cheated on each other, right? So what makes him think he could get sole custody based on infidelity? It's very rare for one parent to get complete sole custody, with no rights for the other parent. You have to be negligent or abusive, in most cases. Before I confronted my cheating spouse, I spoke to an attorney and found out that in most cases of divorce, custody is routinely split 50 / 50 (unless one parent wants primary custody and the other parent agrees to weekends only). Link to post Share on other sites
Author cantlivewithoutyou Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 but what about joint custody? thats what i want. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Generally speaking of course.. The custodial Parent is most likely the Female. Unless you can prove the wife to be an unfit parent ( very hard to do ) the courts generally like the wife to be the primary caregiver. sometimes the two can come to an argreement and the male will be the one with primary custody.. and infidelity has nothing to do with whether or not they are the best/worst parent or not Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 but what about joint custody? thats what i want. That's what I'm saying, Cantlive. In most cases (well, at least the ones I'm aware of), joint custody is very common. There has to be a compelling reason not to grant joint custody, if one of the parents is trying to argue against it. Infidelity (in most case) won't cut it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 He's trying to manipulate you using the kids. Happens all the time. I had a friend whose wife did crack and they had video of her buying it- he still couldn't get full custody. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 At the age of 16, I had to watch as my parents divorced. Both were fighting for custody for myself and my little sister. The way that it was determined was by how I felt and how my sister felt. The judge took us individually into another room and asked us questions about who we would rather live with and if they were good parents. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Very few states will grant sole custody these days. Even convicts are allowed visitation in most states. The chances of someone getting 'sole' custody are very small, unless you've done something heinous. Usually states will grant a 'joint managing conservators' type of situation, where the child lives with one parent but has plenty visitation with the other. They really stick to doing whats in the best interest of the child, and typically that involves both parents working together and seeing the child. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 but what about joint custody? thats what i want. That's what I'm saying, Cantlive. In most cases (well, at least the ones I'm aware of), joint custody is very common. There has to be a compelling reason not to grant joint custody, if one of the parents is trying to argue against it. Infidelity (in most case) won't cut it. Even in Joint custody there is a primary caregiver or custodial parent.. In 50/50 custody that is a different animal Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 AC - are you distinguishing between "joint" and "50/50" here? Is there a difference? We're shooting for 50/50 in our situation... Link to post Share on other sites
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