MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I am close to a male coworker, we are friends and talk about everything under the sun, and yes, we have crossed the line in some of our conversations. He is 43, and was dating a very immature 26yr old single mom of 2 who treats him very badly. They were on and off last fall, and now as far as I know they have been "off" since about October, yet they still talk and things are hot and cold, she says she'll give him another chance...he givers her a million chances and she always ends up dumping on him. I found out this morning that she is 5 months pregnant. I'm pretty sure the daddy is my friend. He hasn't let on any signals about this, so I am pretty sure he doesn't know. Even if he didn't want me to know, his behaviour would have said something was up. Although, last week he had a grumpy day and was not very nice to me about something we were talking about. He is out of town this week on business. Should I email him and tell him that I understand now why he acted that way??? Hint maybe to see if he knows? If he doesn't know, he will quiz me and try to get it out of me....because he is like that....he WILL get it out of me. I know that if he doesn't know, and finds out I know, he will come down hard on me for not telling him. What would YOU do? and what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryan1108 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 To be honest, my first inclination nine times out of ten is to mind my own business. This is between the two of them and really has nothing to do with you. That being said, this might be the tenth time out of ten. I guess for me, the bottom line is that this man has rights as a father and deserves to know the truth. If nothing else, he should get a blood test done to determine if he is the father. Just my $0.02 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Well, I don't think I can outright tell him. I can hint that I know something, just to get a sense of whether or not he is in the dark about this. The one thing I WILL do is be there for him, as a friend, if he needs me and offer my support. I don't know her very well, and although I hope it's not his, I know he told me about a night they spent together ... and doing the math, it's probably his. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 To be honest, my first inclination nine times out of ten is to mind my own business. This is between the two of them and really has nothing to do with you. I agree with Bryan.... But if you feel that they won't come together on their own before the baby is born you might think about the hinting possibility If I was the guy I would be grateful to youif you told me.. but if I was the girl I would be pissed.. I guess it depends where your friendships lie with each Link to post Share on other sites
Bryan1108 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Well, I don't think I can outright tell him. I can hint that I know something, just to get a sense of whether or not he is in the dark about this. . I am not clear on why you would not be able to tell him. I don't mean to be difficult, I am just not getting it. Your friend fathered a baby and you think that dropping hints is the thing to do? It sounds as is the pregnant ex is already playing games with him, he needs you to be a straight shooter. I really don't believe that the middle ground is the way to go here. If you are going to stay out of it, then stay out of it. If you are going to tell him, tell him. If you are nervous about him being mad that you knew before him, I would just let it drop as though you had assumed that he already knew. It is a reasonable assumption and it re-directs the anger away from you and back to where it belongs (the ex) Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 This doesn't involve you. I would never want to involve myself in something as sticky as this, you're bound to have it blow up in your face. Let them sort it out however they can. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I would tell him this: "I found out that your ex-GF is 5 months pregnant. I assume you already know that, right?" If he doesn't, he'll be grateful that you told him. If he does know but didn't want to tell you, it's still honest of you to let him know that you know. After all, there is nothing shameful in being pregnant. It's not like you discovered that his ex has an STD. In that case, it would be none of your business. But hiding information that might be very valuable to your friend would make him angry eventually. Finally, the child may not be his. I assume that's exactly the case. That's why he is not telling you anything. He probably stopped seeing her because she is with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 I am still shaking from hearing this. I also recall him telling me he went over to her place (she asked him to come). She had told him she wanted to try and work things out, and said she'd be nice to him. But when he went there, she ignored him. He put her kids to bed, and then she gave him the cold shoulder and said something bitchy. And he made a comment about her being nice lasting only a day. So he left. I think maybe she wanted to tell him that night. I also think this will get around the office before he gets back next week. I also think I know too much!!!! I feel that she wants it to come together on it's own and not just because of the baby. I don't care how I look in all this. I want to do the right thing for my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Finally, the child may not be his. I assume that's exactly the case. That's why he is not telling you anything. He probably stopped seeing her because she is with someone else. I have heard she is not the type to sleep around, from more than one person who knows her. While I'm not the only one who don't trust her, I believe it is his baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Here is what I'd like to email him: "I think I know why you were grumpy last week. I found out this morning...about "jane" being pregnant. I assume you already know, since she's 5 months along. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen." But...what if he doesn't know... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Just write and say he seems stressed out lately and if he has anything he needs to talk about he can trust you. Don't mention specifics or you might have a crazy hormonal preganant woman pissed at you. Which isn't a pretty sight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Well, if she is telling people, I have to assume he knows. She doesn't know me very well, not enough to confront me. If I were the type to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, I'd give HER a call and ask her if she told him yet, and encourage her to do so, now THAT would piss her off. She is a good person, just messed up (young mother, bad previous ex-bf's) and my friend would be very good for her if she would only be nice to him. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Honestly you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Hell everyone thought I was evil and bitchy to my exH but he was the one who gave me chlamydia from a bar skank, so there ya go. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Here is what I'd like to email him: "I think I know why you were grumpy last week. I found out this morning...about "jane" being pregnant. I assume you already know, since she's 5 months along. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen." But...what if he doesn't know... Being that they are still talking.. you need to let them work it out.. But to play the devil.. you could create a fake email addy at ayhoo and send him an email.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Being that they are still talking.. you need to let them work it out.. But to play the devil.. you could create a fake email addy at ayhoo and send him an email.. Yeah he knows I'm an internet junkie, so he would know it was me! He's on a business trip all week, so maybe I will learn more this week. Either way I'll get in touch with him Friday. There is a company function next Saturday, and he will be there, and I'm sure alot more people in the office will know besides me. I'm scared to face him next Monday without having this out in the open. ugh this is ugly...and I feel sick to my stomach. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Why don't you just try congratulating him. Perhaps he knows perhaps not , but in a normal situation he would know and it would be appropriate to give him a congrats. If he dosent know , he sure will then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 I saw him Friday at work, and he left Saturday. So now I will assume that since she is telling people, maybe she told him Friday night before he left. So I sent him an email saying: "How is the sunny south? How are you doing? What's new?" and I will let him read into that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Well, he knows now that I know. He will get a paternity test. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 eeeeeek. never date coworkers. never date coworkers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 LOL I'm not dating him...and I tell him that all the time. She used to work here but only a 2 month term and they didn't date until after she left. Anyway, I am not sure how long he's known and not sure why he didn't tell me but I am only concerned for him, and will not make this about me (I have a bad habit of doing that). Great, he keeps emailing me now wanting more details. I am just glad he is okay. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I have heard she is not the type to sleep around, from more than one person who knows her. While I'm not the only one who don't trust her, I believe it is his baby. Is it sleeping around if she slept with two men (not at the same time) in the last 5 months? So he is not sure he is the father, huh? Is he disappointed? Does he love her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Well, he said she was with someone before him and remained friends with this guy. The only reason he isn't sure it's his baby is because they broke up in Sept but slept together once in Oct and he feels she may have had sex with the "friend". I am sworn to secrecy. Thank goodness for LS! He has a 15yr old son who doesn't know, and that is a big concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I am sworn to secrecy. Thank goodness for LS! He has a 15yr old son who doesn't know, and that is a big concern. If you are sworn to secrecy then I would be careful what you post on LS.. you are not holding that promise if you post about it here And we all know that our identity isn't as secret sometimes as we would like them to be.. Please don't post info that you are not supposed to be talking about Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Well unfortunately I posted here before I told him that I would keep it secret. It's a big world, I delete my internet history before I leave each day, and deleted my emails from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Well unfortunately I posted here before I told him that I would keep it secret. It's a big world, I delete my internet history before I leave each day, and deleted my emails from him. Now that you have told him you would keep it secret.... You need too Link to post Share on other sites
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